Petting The Pain

[EverOnly358]

Hi,

I tried posting once before, and it didn't work out that well... but, well, I'm gonna try again. Please, please, please forgive me if I'm putting this in the wrong place or if this has already been discussed. I'm still new and figuring this forum out. That said...

I love to read articles by Terri Cheney on Psychology Today. And there's one in particular I keep thinking of today, as I'm sitting here at home covered in about a hundred mosquito bites (mosquitoes seem to love me, they think I'm sweet, so, hey, at least someone loves me). I mean, this article definitely applies more broadly as well...

[Link Removed]
I'm not sure if the link will work... if not, go to PsychologyToday website and search for "Petting the Pain Terri Cheney". The search should return the top result of "Petting the Pain".

Anyways... it really got to me to... the statement. "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not." To me, pain and suffering seem much the same. So I never really thought about anything like this. So I guess, just food for thought and discussion.

So, I'm here, right now, trying to ignoring the screaming itch of mosquito bites, trying to get grounded again in my mind (literally like laying in the grass staring at the big, big sky grounded), trying to remind myself, that it's all good, that they're just pretty average mosquito bites, not like some I've gotten in the past that blow up to ten times the size of an average mosquito bite. I'm trying to remind myself there will be a day when I no longer have mosquito bites, and all this will be a vague memory, one that doesn't cause me any pain. And I keep reminding myself that, no, I'm not in Texas, I'm not a little girl (one of my traumas occurred in Texas when I was 12) covered in mosquito bites, I'm a grown up, and I live in a safe place, and hey, I'm the one that thought it would be a good idea to take a walk, outside, near a big pond, in black pants, in 90+ degree weather at sundown last night (can you say hello crazy person? LOL!), and stay out for like two hours.

My conclusions, FWIW, are that there's a balance, and as people with PTSD, we're all out of balance, so this isn't easy. You have to pet the pain for awhile... because it allows you to know the pain and get used to the pain, but at some point, you have to stop, or then you're just using the pain as an excuse or to pummel yourself with, or to hurt others with. You can't pet the pain forever. And that's what pretty much eludes me. Where is that middle ground between acknowledging the trauma, getting to know it in order to resolve it, and just plain stupidly wallowing in it, for whatever reason.

So, here I am, about to post this thread, but having trouble getting to the button, because man, all these mosquito bites on my leg are driving me nuts, and maybe I'll scratch them just one more time, and then I'll be good.

D

 

[franciemarnie]

I know you are talking about pain vs suffering, etc., but I can't get into it now due to time constraints but I do want to recommend spraying the mosquito bites with unscented hair spray. It stops the itching for me. I use Aqua Net because its cheapest.

 

[EverOnly358]

LOL! Yes, I was just thinking it would be smart to get out our big box of like every mosquito bite relief product on the market. I'm got unscented hair spray, too, thanks for taking the time to make the suggestion.

And this made me think, hey, if you've got a problem, maybe it makes sense to get some help, like, hey, maybe a therapist. (No additional advice needed for this, I have a doctors appointment next Monday. :D)

And just to clarify, this is actually my third post. The first post was my Introduction, and everyone was very, very nice and supportive in response. My SECOND post was "Struggling With My Marriage" and was kinda a stupid-whiny-vent-feast I did (and thought better of later). And while one person had sorta a tough love response, I've come around to seeing that person's wisdom.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh crud I lost my post :(

This concept is pretty ancient. It's a part of Buddhism and then modern psychotherapy tried to claim it as its own.

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) uses it. They have a bullseye concept that pretty much says we all have original pain, rather it is our efforts to avoid this pain that lead to suffering. We need to deal with the pain or else the suffering will never end.

 

[Zef]

Finding that balance between validating your pain and wallowing in it can be pretty hard to find on our own. I'm pretty fortunate in that I have a wife and a boss who, while very understanding and supportive, are good at creating boundaries and telling me when I have fallen over into the wallowing side of the fence. That helps a lot. . .sometimes I don't like them very much for their help :) but their boundaries do help.

When I am by myself, I try to remember to check in and ask myself, "OK. I'm frickin' miserable right now. Is what I am thinking/doing helping me process this stuff or relieve the misery in any way?" If the answer is a bunch of excuses, then I'm pretty sure I am wallowing.

Saying that, sometimes I wallow anyway because, damn it, I earned it. It's like having an extra handful of candy, it ain't healthy, but it's OK once in awhile. :)