Justmehere
Sponsor
Abuse often leads to developing PTSD. What she is doing is abuse. She is becoming a perpetrator of abuse on a weaker person, and she is making excuses for it. As long as she is going to blame a neuro-chemical imbalance (which is an improper way to describe PTSD in the first place, but that's besides the point) she isn't going to get better.
She has to first realize what she is doing is wrong, and is hurtful to you. She can get all the therapy in the world, but it won't help until she takes responsibility for her actions.
The fact you have health issues, and your own trauma history, does not make me less concerned, but more so. It makes it all the more alarming to me that she is doing this to someone who is more vulnerable to being physically and emotionally re-traumatized by her actions - both emotional and physical abuse.
I'm glad she allowed you to talk to her therapist. Have you considered counseling for yourself?
I don't think the connection between PTSD and violence is that strong or happens like this so much. I'm not sure. I do know that PTSD suffers can occasionally re-enact trauma in a way where they become the perpetrators of abuse. It's pretty rare.
What concerns me is that much of the time, when someone is really engaged in their healing process, PTSD symptoms tend to get worse before they get better. She says this is PTSD related. I'm not sure I agree, but let's say she is right...
I hear that you don't want to leave her. It may not need to come to a divorce. But just staying in it like this is, it enables her to not see the full picture of her behaviors. It also puts you in danger.
NONE of this is your fault, whatsoever. Period.
I want to gently encourage you that this situation warrants some strong boundaries against both emotional and physical abuse - to keep you safe and help her realize the full extent and seriousness of her behaviors, so that she can hit her own rock bottom and change... and so that you can be safe and not be hurt by her anymore. You both deserve to be safe from harm.
It sounds like you have taken some great steps to talk to her therapist and I'm so glad you are reaching out here on the forums. If she acts out and becomes abusive again, what do you think about maybe leaving the house, even stay with a friend for a night, so that she can understand her actions are scary and not something you will be around?
Sometimes loving someone means backing away from them so that they can see things as they are and heal.
She has to first realize what she is doing is wrong, and is hurtful to you. She can get all the therapy in the world, but it won't help until she takes responsibility for her actions.
The fact you have health issues, and your own trauma history, does not make me less concerned, but more so. It makes it all the more alarming to me that she is doing this to someone who is more vulnerable to being physically and emotionally re-traumatized by her actions - both emotional and physical abuse.
I'm glad she allowed you to talk to her therapist. Have you considered counseling for yourself?
I don't think the connection between PTSD and violence is that strong or happens like this so much. I'm not sure. I do know that PTSD suffers can occasionally re-enact trauma in a way where they become the perpetrators of abuse. It's pretty rare.
What concerns me is that much of the time, when someone is really engaged in their healing process, PTSD symptoms tend to get worse before they get better. She says this is PTSD related. I'm not sure I agree, but let's say she is right...
I hear that you don't want to leave her. It may not need to come to a divorce. But just staying in it like this is, it enables her to not see the full picture of her behaviors. It also puts you in danger.
NONE of this is your fault, whatsoever. Period.
I want to gently encourage you that this situation warrants some strong boundaries against both emotional and physical abuse - to keep you safe and help her realize the full extent and seriousness of her behaviors, so that she can hit her own rock bottom and change... and so that you can be safe and not be hurt by her anymore. You both deserve to be safe from harm.
It sounds like you have taken some great steps to talk to her therapist and I'm so glad you are reaching out here on the forums. If she acts out and becomes abusive again, what do you think about maybe leaving the house, even stay with a friend for a night, so that she can understand her actions are scary and not something you will be around?
Sometimes loving someone means backing away from them so that they can see things as they are and heal.
