Pictures - did anyone take pictures of you during abuse?

[Sweetleaf]

are you in the states?

Yeah, I'm in Alaska. I am like SO f*cking glad that winter is about to be over. Winter has always sucked, but I have a feeling, since I've had so much f*cking shit go down in winter now, that I might start getting triggered by the winter months.

I mean, I've had shit go down in all months of the year. I just had a whole lot of it happen, in quick succession, this winter. Really big shit.

Our state kind of has a sexual assault problem. It feels strange to be part of that statistic. And a bunch of other statistics.
Though there are many statistics I am -not- part of, that I could have been part of. It's nice to not be part of those.

I will try looking up the process at some point, and thank you for your recommendation, I'll probably be talking to a dv and/or sa advocate at some point to help me figure some things out. That sounds like one of the things I need to talk with them about. I need to start making a list of shit to bring up with them.

I feel like I will actually be able to take that step soon, and talk things over with someone like that, and see what my possibilities are in regards to doing shit about all this, in a legal way.

yep - I still have that fight in my brain. We can fight it together:hug:

It's good to know I'm not alone. :hug:

 

[frogthroat]

Our state kind of has a sexual assault problem

Every state has a sexual assault problem. Sexual assault isn't a crime that's taken very seriously at all. The states are slightly less draconian than the middle east or south Asia but it's still pretty bad.

 

[Snowflake]

If you can - what would it mean for you if it did happen? If photos were taken of you, and stuck in a...

Validation -I want answers-I want to know if it truly did happen so I don’t wonder if it really did or not. I want to know if this is another reason why I hate my body soooo much, why I swim with shorts, why I won’t look in mirrors, why I refuse pictures, why my body is soooooo disgusting, why I don’t have eye contact.

I’m stuck in this memory. I’m frozen. It’s like a wall goes down and I’m a mess-in the memory. I’m unable to process. Something is stopping me.

 

[Freida]

Validation -I want answers-I want to know if it truly did happen

Oh I totally get that. If I can just convince myself it didn't happen then I'm just a total nutjob who wants attention. I tell my T that at least once a month. That I'm making it up. But there are too many feelings and too many memories that I don't want. It does get better -- slowly.

 

[Snowflake]

Oh I totally get that. If I can just convince myself it didn't happen then I'm just a total nutjob who...

I tell mine that too

 

[Sideways]

@Snowflake - your answer is something I could’ve said myself. Having proof would be a horrible kind of relief. At least I know. At least I have answers.

Unfortunately, most often there is no proof, and validation has to come from elsewhere. At first, it tends to come from our T - telling them our story and learning to accept that they believe us.

In time? The validation comes from ourselves. At some point, we learn to believe ourselves, to trust ourselves and what our memory is sharing with us.

What you’ve described is incredibly distressing, but I think it’s a part of the healing process that a lot of us have to make our way through.

Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake - your answer is something I could’ve said myself. Having proof would...

I just don’t know if it’s 100% true. I have no intention of blaming my parents for taking pictures when I am not 100% sure. And bring it up to my therapist???? Ugh no way-to have her not believe me or think I’m crazy or make me feel stupid for thinking that it could happen??? I can’t take that chance

 

[KwanYingirl]

My serial rapist groomed me and he would show me pictures of naked women. I distinctly those times because it made feel icky. Then the time came when he had me completely to himself and he took pictures of me in sadistic poses and burns from his cigarette. I hate to have my picture taken to this day.

 

[Snowflake]

My serial rapist groomed me and he would show me pictures of naked women. I distinctly those times...

I’m sorry. I hate pictures too

 

[Lionheart]

I do not know if the main perp(s) ever took pictures of me during abuse or not because about half of the time I was drugged with chlorophorm (sp?) and sold/pimped out to other perps. I certainly hope not.

 

[Finchlet2]

They especially liked filming it when they were using objects to rape me as with access to snooker cues and such it meant they didn't always have to be in the shot. I hate photos so much I've destroyed every photo of myself throughout my life including wedding photos and photos with my kids but recently as I have been starting to feel bigger than the abuse I realise the only videos and photos of me that potentially remain are of the abuse and belonging to my abusers. In an attempt to rectify that I made a video of myself intended for my hubby yesterday but deleted it. Today I feel on hyperalert

 

[KwanYingirl]

This thread has been triggery (is that a word?) for me. I am so sorry that you all have suffered because of this invasion of our bodies. I sometimes wonder what ever happened to them. But, yes, I hate being photographed and leered at. I wouldn’t even consider having a wedding because I have to melt into the background.