Please Can You Help Me To Understand Some Things?

[oakleaves]

Hello

I am new here, and hope it is ok to just post a few questions as I feel quite confused at the moment.

I have had experiences with mild dissociation (mainly cutting off, going blank/being unable to think, emotional numbing, feeling unreal) for many years since childhood. I did not realise that this is what was happening to me until recently, when it happened during therapy and my therapist recognised it as dissociation.

I don't have a PTSD diagnosis. I have an eating disorder and ongoing low levels of anxiety. I always knew I cut off, spaced out, and sometimes felt unreal. However it hadn't happened for quite a long time (or maybe I am just used to it) but after it happened in therapy it has been happening again more often and is interfering with my life. I am looking at some quite painful things in therapy and sometimes I cut off emotionally when I know I need to be engaging emotionally with what is going on. Sometimes I can't talk when this happens.

My main questions are:
I don't think people around me always recognise it is happening - is this normal?
I don't really know what triggers it. In therapy it was clear that I had just got overwhelmed but in my day to day life sometimes it happens and I don't know why. Sometimes it happens when I am (sorry tmi) with my partner but I don't think he realises. How do I work out what triggers it?

I really hope this is not an inappropriate post and I am sorry if I am repeating questions which have already been asked. I am just confused.

 

[Jane.l]

Hi
I often disassociate when I feel under threat , it's a protection thing - so uncomfortable questions in therapy make me feel threatened which makes me shut down and dissociate - its my brain protecting me from things that seem to painful to deal with .

As for triggers I have so many that I don't even try and work out what they are anymore. I try instead to work on how to cope with being triggered.

Don't know if that was really any help but good luck .

 

[elizabeth0823]

Generally people dissociate when they need to protect themselves. That's what I do. I feel my body go numb. For years I thought everyone did this and was suprised to find out not so. Honor it. You will figure out why your body is protecting you once you are ready to deal with the trauma that happened. The teaumas reveal themselves sometimes in bits and pieces.

 

[oakleaves]

Thank you. I appreciate the replies.

I don't think I have any hidden trauma, I think I know what happened during my childhood and adolescence to make me have used dissociation as a way of coping.

I think now it is maladaptive and it is getting in the way because I cut off when I start to feel things too strongly or when (I think) something happens to remind me of very painful things.

I suppose I thought I needed to know what triggers it day to day so that I can stop it.

 

[Jane.l]

You may be able to work out what triggers you - not sure how easy it is to stop it - ?? I can't stop mine - yes it is often very unhelpful and frustrating that it kicks in when you don't need it .

 

[oakleaves]

Is it possible to have flashbacks that only consist of hearing (not actually hearing out loud but hearing inside my mind) things and feeling the feelings you felt at the time of an event. Or are these just really strong memories? I am only wondering because I seem to have this experience quite often before I cut off.

Thank you again. I am not sure about stopping it because sometimes it comes out of the blue but even if I can just try to ground myself it might help.

 

[Jane.l]

I would guess maybe more memory but I am no expert you need to talk to your t - my flashbacks are very full on like I am there reliving it but I think you can also get just sound flash bites - does your t specialise in trauma ? They should be able to help you with this and work out if it is ptsd and what to do to move forwards .

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There is something called an emotional flashback which doesn't necessarily involve a visual or auditory component. Most of my flashbacks are emotional flashbacks. I only had visual flashbacks over a few month span about 4 years ago, but I've had emotional flashbacks for over 20 years.