Sexual Assault Potential new relationship, and terrified.

[Lissar]

Hi all,
My ONLY experience with sex is being raped almost two years ago. In that time, I haven't been able to handle much of any touch from men - even ballroom dancing in a very social setting has proven difficult to cope with most of the time.
But now I am trying to get my life back, and there is a boy with whom I unexpectedly connected with, and I think we're heading towards relationship territory. I am so scared, though, of how this could trigger the PTSD. I know I tensed and flinched the other day when he just put his hand on my back while we were standing in an elevator, and I can't even fathom kissing him.
Any brilliant advice out there on coping with triggers like this and learning to be okay with any kind of touch again? Even just reassurance that it's even possible?
Thanks,
Lissar

 

[Sweetleaf]

My last SA, after around 4 years of abuse, was like 4.5 months ago, so I'm nowhere near ready for anything like that, so I can't give you reassurance, but:

Don't be afraid to take it as slow as you need to. There is absolutely no need for you to have sex or do any sort of intimate things, or be touched, or touch him, or anything. There is no looming deadline. There is nothing making you go forward with making a relationship, so just take it as slow as you need to. Don't be afraid to communicate your boundaries with him.

Someone on another website told me this, when I was talking about how I thought I'd never, ever be able to have a relationship or sex or anything like that again, due to how my trauma has affected me:

While you're doing the right thing not wanting to be in a relationship if you don't think you can handle it, I can say from experience that those panic feelings can and will subside if you have a partner that goes slow and respects your boundaries.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi, are you in therapy?

 

[Enaila]

Take your time. If the relationship is meant to be, the other person will be open and willing to consider going slow. I hadn't dated in almost 18 years as abuse in my past made me so untrusting of men. I met a nice guy about a year ago, who after second date decided I was too shy for him. I decided to open up and share a little of my fears about being touched. He turned out to be a sweetheart who decided it was his job to teach me how a true gentleman should treat a lady. Instead of giving up on me, he is teaching me slowly to trust again and is always aware of my "tells" as he calls my body language. He frequently checks to make sure I am okay and stops immediately if he notices me getting tense. He now knows about my PTSD and takes pride in convincing me there are good guys in the world too. Take your time and speak up if something causes you to feel uncomfortable .

 

[Lissar]

Hi, are you in therapy?

Yeah, I am. Trying to work through it with their help.

 

[EveHarrington]

For me, things got better when I progressed through therapy. It also helped to have an understanding partner. If at any point this guy tries to push you too fast or doesn’t listen to you, understand that it’s a red flag and say goodbye. Take things slowly. Good luck!