Pressure From Ignorant Family To Go Back To Work

[Jade-Yasmin-Le-Bon]

I feel like I am being dragge down by my own body weight my ears start ringing I get goosebumps and tense up that much inconsiderate family members make remarks asking why I twitch I start smelling what I smell at the accident when the air bags went off in my head its horrific I can feel pressure as if someone is climbing onto my bed its so scary im 24 and i feel as though i am wanting to die so i can be away from this world i dobt feel safe and no famiy members understand they mak out im crazy which nakes ne feel as if im ready to defend my self i do not feel sorry fr my self they call ne a lazy matr , can Anyobe else relate to this ?

 

[Chava]

Are you in therapy? That would be a step back towards easier functioning, though it does take time. Hoping you have support other than your family...

 

[Jade-Yasmin-Le-Bon]

Thanks for the reply I have changed doctors as I'm on a waiting list which feels like forever and I am so glad ice found this blog don't seem so alone when other's are going through it I have one friend who is 50 years tolderthan me she's dyeing but she's got border line personality disorder so we can discuss things though my family don't approve of our friendship so its like havinga . Secret friendship but only person thy will wait till 10pm to go shopping when there's no one out! Ill miss her sao much. Take care x

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome to the forum Jade.
Ouch, those flashbacks sound severe. They don't come with visible scars, so it can be very hard for people who've never experienced one to comprehend.

Please be gentle with yourself, they are not your fault. Neither are the feelings that come with them.
You have come to probably the best place there is for support, validation and sharing info. There's a good bunch of people here around the clock.

Do you know any grounding techniques? For pulling yourself out of the timeless place of a flashback and into the present? Pete walker's cptsd site has some good ones, although described for emotional flashbacks which are a bit harder to realise when you're in one, they should still be useful, also the self soothing techniques for afterwards.

You mentioned the weight as though someone was climbing on your bed. Are you flashing back to abuse? Later traumas can reactivate or trigger dormant PTSD, you seem to be describing two distinct traumas.

Re wanting to be dead, what form does this take? Vague wish for peace? Ideas of suicide? Plans? Preparations?

Sorry for so many questions
@

 

[Jade-Yasmin-Le-Bon]

Thanks for so many questions anarchy I'm over the moon I have had been aknowlaged by people who are in the same boat! And the weight on the beds is terryfying I have had sensation like something was pulling me by my legs out of bed its like sleep paralysis but it is when I am awake I dont know what it stems from it puts me of sleeping at night I have had a close encounter where I had been spiked and a pack of men tried to drag me into a car park - I wasn't raped though badly beaton - my dad as a child lived in a house with very similar strange things happen to him like csomeoneclimbing into bed, they are certain it was haunted and the house actually collapse with all him and his family inside! I wonder if you can take off your parents? Do you know if you can have been a victim of abuse without any memory? I have to ttried to kill myself I was in hospital and after that I started taking over dose ands attempt many times without any one knowing but now I feel that your times up when its meant to be I have has about 4 traumas I often get delusion that I am being punished or in a test like nothing seems real ! fThanksfor helping xx

 

[Anarchy]

Thanks for replying.
Oh yes, it is very possible to have suppressed memories of abuse. They tend to surface in fragments, I'm a bit hesitant to tag her because she is having a rough time at the moment, but there is at least one member online now who has had memories of old traumas surface. She had been told by her abuser that they were dreams.

It is freaky when we realise that yes, we have PTSD, and a lot of what we thought about our lives turns out to be wrong. It's like the red pill scene in the first matrix film, or like finding yourself as a character in a Philip k Dick novel.

I'm sorry that you have been to the point of attempting.
It does get better, please be patient and kind with yourself.
@

 

[Chava]

Implicit memories, like body memories, are often pretty accurate, though I know hard to know what they mean. Finding the meaning is less important than first making sure you are safe. Many people here understand impulses to hurt ourselves and have found ways to get through that and stay safe. So keep posting and stay safe. Hopefully the wait for therapy isn't way too long and then you can work more on safety, and possibly memories (but they arrive, if they are there, when we are ready to handle them safely). It's hard and often a slow process, but you can get through this.

 

[Anarchy]

I'd better add, don't jump to conclusions, about what may or may not have happened in your past, grounding, self soothing, and regaining a sense of safety and stability is important.
Whatever happened in the past cannot be changed. @Chava has just posted the rest of what I was going to say. Take care.
@