Momof3in2015
New Here
Hello, I am new to trying to figure out my ptsd anxiety and depression although I've had it for 11 years. I'm 21 years old, my real father left me and my mom in the dust when I was 2 ....I was molested and sautamized by my step brother in MI for 4 years. I was to afraid to say anything because I didn't think my mom would believe me, and she was so happy with my step dad I didn't want to ruin her life, so I kept quiet till I was 10 and we had a school program that talked about rape and molestation and that is was wrong. I finally told someone and then we moved back to PA. I was in and out of phyc wards till they finally found that my dad was my security so we moved back in with him. I blamed my mom for a long time, I used to beat on her (I'm not proud of that) my dad left to be on the road and it was hard to deal with I was on meds to try to help but it didn't really do much. At 12 I fell for a 16yr old and was together till I was 14 I lost my virginity to him and he was abusive as well In more ways than 1. After that I found myself giving sexual things for guys to like me. I mean I didn't do it to everyone but just one's I really liked and I wanted them to love me. At 15 I became pregnant to a guy I really fell hard for and He left me and our daughter in the dust. Then again found myself giving myself up just to feel loved....I Then found my husband who I have 2 beautiful kids to and have been with him since 2011....there's my history now for my issues I'm dealing with......I can't sleep more than an 1hr or 2, I'm snappy and bitchy, I have terrible nightmares but not of my trauma but they feel so real I actually wake in a sweat and my husband says I'm talking in my sleep and sound terrified, I cry at night, I don't feel good enough for anyone, I'm constantly trying to please my husband to make him stay because I feel like he's cheating on me all the time I'm like overwhelmed with paranoia of him cheating and or going to leave ....and I've been having a hard time shopping my chest gets heavy my throat feels like it's closing off and my head gets weird and I'm lightheaded....I feel like no one wants me around like I don't belong....I just don't want to be apart of my own life ....I'm constantly watching listening for something out of place .... In public I look over everyone to make sure theybzrent going to hurt me or my kids... I get nervous and panicky when,I have to talk to someone other than my parents and my husband....I've been lashing out at my husband I have thoughts of hitting him bc I get so angry but over something so little I don't wanna go anywhere but yet I wanna run far far away.....I have been diagnosed with ptsd major depression anxiety and mood disorder nos ..... Advise please?
