Ptsd, I Found My Son Dead

[anthony]

JD, grieving is different to PTSD... the daily symptoms also differ. Whilst you may have been diagnosed with PTSD because you met a minimum symptom level, and have symptoms that exceed that of an adjustment disorder, which are for grieving death of a loved one... they are vastly different in nature.

Did a psychiatrist diagnose you with PTSD? If not... I would seek a psychiatrists diagnosis... as psychologists and such are not experts or experienced in accurately diagnosing mental illness, compared to a psychiatrist. Not even close actually. Psychologists though are the better choice for therapy, as that is their specialty. Whilst they can diagnose, they have a high prevalence of getting it wrong due to their limited understanding and no real training in diagnostic medicine. Psychiatrists are doctors first... about 12 years to be a psychiatrist, 3 years to be a psychologist. Vast experience and training different for diagnosis.

Not disregarding your trauma, far from it... but you mention grief a lot, which makes me wonder more about the solution for what you need to be treated. Treating PTSD and treating grief are very different therapy models. Trying to treat grief with PTSD modalities will likely only continue to prolong the grieving process, as an example.

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

JD... Unfortunately I cannot remember now but if I figure it out I will let you know. I came across someone one this site who had lost their child to seizures as well... It was an unrelated post, so if I remember or come across that person I will let you know. I believe they said that they spent 5 years with their child going through seizures every day about a dozen times a day that could kill them... And sadly eventually that happened. But I cannot remember any more than that, sorry :(. Will post if I find it/remember again.

 

[anthony]

I have read a few over the years who lost a loved one to seizures... and found them dead.

 

[JD99501]

I went back and checked my records based on what you said. I did see both actually as a matter of course both was required by my insurance. Medicine is a faster method of treatment and the Psychiatrist is the only one that could give me those meds I was taking. Both diagnosed me with PTSD and the Psychiatrist was the one who told me I was going to be a lifetime sufferer of the illness due to the trauma being atttached to the grief.

Losing a child doesn't cause PTSD. Finding them dead on the floor purple, stiff, and cold when you don't expect to find them that way does. I know my son is gone, I understand what happened to him, I visit his grave, etc. The PTSD keeps bringing me back to points of finding him dead. Over and Over again. In all its shock and horror. The nightmares, the blackouts, friends telling me about moments where my conversation will stop I have blank expression and tremble. My left eye will twitch and I seem to be staring a million miles away. I have been battling this crap for 5yrs. I would love to have a simple grief issue as you seem to suggest. I would love for you to be right. But your not. I am came here hoping to find someone to share my experiences with. I am glad to be uniqe here. I would never wish upon someone to stumble on the fact thier kid is dead. So am I in the wrong place here?

I went to counseling for the grief with the Phycologist for the better part of a year. And taking the drugs to keep the ptsd in check so I could make it through the counseling sessions. The thing about taking the drugs was I had to go back every 30 days to get a new script. If I was more than 5 min late to the appointment my butt was paying 300 out of pocket. and waiting 5-7 days for a new appointment. Which also ment I went without. I really don't like talking about my clinical history too much. Brings back alot of bad memories about a very bad time. But all of this should satisfy you.

 

[JD99501]

JD... Unfortunately I cannot remember now but if I figure it out I will let you know. I came across someone one this site who had lost their child to seizures as well... It was an unrelated post, so if I remember or come across that person I will let you know. I believe they said that they spent 5 years with their child going through seizures every day about a dozen times a day that could kill them... And sadly eventually that happened. But I cannot remember any more than that, sorry :(. Will post if I find it/remember again.

I would greatly appreciate it. I know they would be happy to know that someone else understands what kind of horror that brings on to people.

 

[anthony]

Finding them dead on the floor purple, stiff, and cold when you don't expect to find them that way does.

I was hoping you wouldn't say that... completely agree. I ask about the psychiatrist, because a good majority get told they have PTSD by lesser qualifications, which as you obviously understand, have no real substance for validity, especially with insurance and legal. I find its good to ask.

So am I in the wrong place here?

No... you're in the right place. I ask to clarify. If a person doesn't ask, then there is no way to know the answer to an unasked question! Unfortunately, such questions must be asked to understand when via a text interface.

Medications... well, that is a problem in itself, totally agree.

Unfortunately with the talking about the past, it must be done when its affecting your present. There is no way to remedy and resolve present emotion when past trauma is the cause, without going backwards as appropriate to define and discuss.

Healing trauma really is more painful that living it in the first place. Years later you not only suffer the symptoms, but suddenly someone says to you that you must go back and discuss some of the worst days within your life, of which have caused so far fear and negativity, its caused PTSD. The fear alone from going back is usually one of the biggest hurdles with resolving trauma. Fear to face your darkest secrets and find resolution to all the negative emotion currently being harboured.

I won't lie... its worse than living the trauma. I've watched kids be killed, decapitated, shot and executed, burnt to death as well, and its ugly having to face such memories, but what you need to always remember, is that they're memories, negative ones, that are causing a lot of pain in your present. You don't have to forget the good times, you don't have to forget the bad, but to reduce symptom severity in your present, you must resolve all the negative past emotion.

There is only one way at that... and you will resolve in your time, when ready JD. You're doing an excellent job just speaking about it, sharing and discussing what you feel. That alone for us guys is tough enough more often than not... exposing vulnerability I guess, which everything genetically male typically fights to tell us we are strong and can beat anything. Until we experience PTSD...

 

[simplekindofgirl]

JD99501- I am truly sorry for your loss. Truly. You are right, the type of grief that you have suffered is extreme. My losses have been different, so I can only imagine what it must be like for you. Not to take away from your loss and pain of course, but we have all suffered loss. Some more than others. Take comfort in the fact that though your circumstances may seem unique, you are not alone in your grief. Not for a moment.

Remember that some members of this forum only check in every so often. Some go weeks without logging in. But you will find that there are people in this forum that have lost their children. Some to seizures, and others to other causes. But you are not alone.

I know that you had been replying to Anthony and I can not speak for him. I can say- he is a genuinely good guy. He was asking about your diagnosis because you had not discussed it until now. I will admit, I had been wondering about the same details. Please understand that no one intends to make you feel that you do not belong here, they just want to be sure that you can benefit properly by being here. Having the PTSD diagnosis may allow you to treat your condition properly. Making sure that you have the proper treatment in lieu of your circumstances is vital.

 

[JD99501]

naw he came correct and explained himself. It's natural to assume when someone asks such things that it comes across rude. This is all a very personal experience and I reserved harsh judegement until I saw his next response. Which Anthoney explained himself just fine. I very much appreciate it. As I would have hated walking around feeling I had no where to turn. Being here lets me talk openly and try to deal with the emoutions. Alot of time I walk away feeling worse than when I logged on. My friends and family are so worried for me that talking about the realities and depths of my suffering just makes them feel worse. I sent my Gf and her son to her family for the holidays as I am going through a particulalry bad time right now. Its because of what i read in these forums about how the illness effects those trying to care for those suffering with PTSD is why I am sending her away. It became obvious how it was wearing her down.

Kudos to this site

 

[Faith Hope and Joy]

JD, Like others on the forum.... I could not think of a thing to say that could possibly make any difference but I wish I could. I can tell you that it is obvious that you love your son. Every child should be so blessed to have a parent that cares so much.

On a personal note. I have always believed that the people we have lost are never truely gone. Your son lives on in you and through all of the others who he blessed during the time he was here.

Take care of yourself and the best of thoughts for you in your search for relief.

FHJ

 

[anthony]

Mate, coming from someone who thought he also was doing the right thing pushing people away in my life, thinking I was protecting them... ended up I was hurthing them by pushing them away.

I must agree though, it really is a tough personal call, and you are right, PTSD does wear supporters down, especially during the rough times, and worse if they are not experienced in how to handle themselves.

I quite honestly don't believe losing a child will ever be easy when remembering them. My eldest brother has been dead now over 20+ years, and to this day it still affects my mother, her choices and attitude when he is raised in discussion, where all us kids have accepted he is dead and remember him for the good time had... it still tends to make her more sad. Dad though is more like us kids... being he has accepted it and remembers him for the good times. Very difficult prediciment.

 

[Kaii]

I sort of understand your story but no where the degree of what you have experienced. I too, found someone dead...murdered, actually. But it was not a child, nor even a relative of mine.

I can relate to your description of seeing your son on the floor over and over again. I have seen this girl's body hanging out of a garbage bag, beaten and choked to death, since the day we found her.

I am a nurse and have not been well enough, due to my PTSD, to work in over a year. Finding that poor girl has ruined my life, I cannot even imagine your pain and suffering as it was your own son. I have a 15 yr old son who is epileptic. I think I will hug him goodnight a little tighter tonight.

Thank you for sharing your story and for walking this road with all of us.

 

[JD99501]

The Holden Foundation has stuff on you tube on epilepsy.