Ptsd Is Hurting My Relationship

[onesie]

I love this man so much. He is everything I've looked for. Now that I have found a good man and now even engaged, I am still numb. I hate how, not only the abuse I went through, but how it is hurting my relationship. It is hurting him. Now, its not just me. I have extreme ptsd from years of trauma, abuse, child molestation, attempted rapes, domestic violence, strangulation attempt, and recent suicide of a partner. I am scared. I freak out now. I disassociate, I freeze, I panic, I cry, I am sad. What do I do? Each time he gets close to me, I want to scream, or run away. The opposite, of who I used to be. Please help me.

 

[kyara]

I love a man who shares your symptoms - withdrawal, disassociation, panic, cry, sadness, guilt. Speaking as a person who loves this man so dearly, as he is everything I could ever want, I wish to tell him, as well as tell you - "It is okay. :) Relax. I love you. As your system learn to trust me, you will feel again. Please don't blame your past. If you push me away because of impulse, please come back and give us a hug. I look forward to a future with you because I love you." :) - straight from my heart.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you in therapy?

 

[Raisin]

I found couples therapy helped us. I had always been terrified of being honest about how I felt but I couldn't tolerate any physical or emotional intimacy when I was feeling anxious- or having a bad day. Not explaining this to my partner meant that I was often left me feeling even more anxious as I could not set boundaries of when and how I felt safe to be intimate. With a couples therapist I learned that I could disclose how I felt without damaging the relationship with my partner, but also without having to disclose much of the detail of my past traumas, as that kind of disclosure feels very unsafe for me. I recommend using a therapist separate from whoever you see one to one.

 

[Barconian]

I love this man so much.

Why?

Now that I have found a good man and now even engaged, I am still numb.

Why?

I have extreme ptsd from years of trauma, abuse, child molestation,

I will be gentle

OK @onesie Isn't it time that you helped yourself rather than saving the needy :(

 

[Barconian]

I freak out now. I disassociate, I freeze, I panic, I cry, I am sad. What do I do? Each time he gets close to me, I want to scream, or run away. The opposite, of who I used to be. Please help me.

Relax @onesie You do have a very good heart

 

[onesie]

Yes I am in therapy. I love him. He makes me feel safe, and totally free to be me. He is my best friend. I'm just having a very difficult time with thinking I deserve this. Thank you for the encouragement everybody.

 

[Justmehere]

Take it slow. He sounds like the kind of guy who will stick it out with you while you learn on a somatic level what you already know cognitively - that he is safe. PTSD is a horrible monster but things will likely get better. Might help him get support through his own therapy or support group.

 

[onesie]

Thank you. That is a great idea. ;)