Relationship Ptsd Or Just A Reason To Be A Jerk?

[Friday]

Obviously I'm trying to learn more....

I hope so :)

I'm a closet romantic.

The best places to start IMO are the supporter video series, PTSD Basics, & the PTSD Stress Cup.

Link Removed

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/ptsd-basics.87467/

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.83659/

Also... That 10 things your combat vet wants you to know? On the VA page? Is a pretty damn good list. All the more so if he's deliberately sent you to it. Sometimes communicating can be really, really hard. Asking someone to read something that I can't bring myself to say out loud, is sometimes the only way I can say something.

 

[Niki0872]

If I can say just one thing. My vet has a son also, he is a sufferer and he's very focused driven especially when it's something involving personal thingsand even more when it's his son. He has his son weekly and when he's with him it's there time and I respect that. considering your partner only sees his son, it sounds like, not often that alone could be enough to trigger him emotionally and add on trying to navigate your relationship and his son is pushing him further than he can handle so he's pushing you away. Believe me I'm not saying it's the best way he could handle it but it's all he can do. Also my experience when you push even when you don't think you are it makes it 100 times worse when he's in this state of mind. Hang in there and see what happens when his son goes back home.

 

[Bfab]

@WoundedWarriorz. First off welcome to the site. I just wanted to chime in with a supporter perspective. I think one key fact is that he is not on a treatment program. Without it, he probably doesn't know what is going on with himself to even explain it to you. Even with treatment, PTSD is an emotional roller coaster. Having his son is a major adjustment for him and he may be giving it alll he has to offer. Chatting online is a controlled environment where he can engage or disengage as he chooses. He may not feel that way in the real world with you so he simply avoids it.
While he is coping with the lifestyle change of having his son he may not be able to handle the questions you're asking albeit it may seem like simple questions to you.
The same way he has decided how to control his current situation by disengaging, you need to do the same. Do you want to patiently wait for him to regroup and maybe reach out to you in the future or is this too much to handle? You need to make that decision for yourself, he can't do it for you.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Mental illness...addictions...bad day....corn cob up the ass......it doesn't matter. There is no excuse for being a jerk. Some people just are. It's in their DNA.

 

[Cult]

Based on my extensive personal experience as a supporter of someone who had PTSD but was also a jerk, and ultimately broke up with me.....I would ask if he is making any effort at all to meet you halfway. My ex refused to show me any consideration whatsoever. Others tried to tell me (but I was unable to see/admit, at the time) that her actions had nothing to do with her PTSD and everything to do with her desire to be out of the relationship. It can be hard to tell and PTSD is d efinitely a huge factor in our loved ones' behavior, but looking back on my own situation, my ex's lack of effort and unwillingness to show me ANY love, care or concern at all, was the big clue that it was over.

 

[WoundedWarriorz]

Based on my extensive personal experience as a supporter of someone who had PTSD but was also a jerk, and...

Exactly... He won't even talk to me unless it's a one word response like k or thanks

 

[Endure]

I'm finding this thread very helpful. It answers much of the concerns I've had being in a new relationship with a sufferer. I came here seeking answers and support for the love I have for this man. The pushing away and isolation has been so hard and is not something any supporter would understand without being on a forum like this. I only wish I had found this before our crisis occurred because now I'm afraid it's too late for us and I may never have the chance to show him I'm learning and can stand by him.

 

[Cult]

It's up to each individual to decide how much they can take in the name of "love."

My sufferer did not love me anymore and was starting to date someone else without my knowledge - that explained her distancing, not the PTSD.

Not saying this is what is going on with you, but I mention it as a gentle reminder that as much as we love our sufferers, we should not allow them to use their PTSD as an excuse.

I have PTSD too and I am doing my best to meet my wife in the middle. It is early going for me yet, the symptoms control my behavior when they are present and I am working on that in therapy. I try to let my wife know when I need a break, whether I can or cannot participate in an activity, etc.

Don't forget that YOU are entitled to a loving relationship and PTSD doesn't change that.