Ive got a question... if given the option by your ptsd partner to just walk away bare yourself the pain when they are in a dark hole.... why is it so hard too.... just walking away .....im not a wife, i dont have obligations, or expectations.....all i know is that im a fighter, i dont give up, i believe in him, and i love him.... in saying this why do we put ourselves through the pain when its not so good?... im glad that his compromised with me to still be in it even though its only seeing eachother once on the weekend right now.... he says that... but why give the option to leave and still compromise and keep me in it. Is it him just wanting to please me even though he doesnt really want it? Why bother ....why not him just letting me go?.....or is it because he knows he has something good ........he trys but why? When all he wants to do is be alone..... sorry having a frustrated ranting episode.
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Relationship Ptsd Partners Giving You The Option To Leave And Saving Yourself The Pain
- Post starter emz315
- Start date
- Status
Because PTSD is full of conflicting thoughts and feelings. There is a constant push pull. It is just as you describe it here....
See how frustrating that is?
Now multiply that by 1000 and these are most likely the thoughts going through your sufferers head. I am not saying that you should deal with it - just attempting to explain that the confusion you are feeling is a microcosm of what is going on in a sufferers head.
See how jumbled this is? Why this? Why this if that? What about this? That doesn't make sense!
See how frustrating that is?
Now multiply that by 1000 and these are most likely the thoughts going through your sufferers head. I am not saying that you should deal with it - just attempting to explain that the confusion you are feeling is a microcosm of what is going on in a sufferers head.
Last edited:
D
Deleted member 28986
I'm on the other side of your situation.
Multiple times, I gave my partner permission to leave. I really meant it—I knew what pain I was causing. He never took the opportunities I gave to leave, but long story short, we are now divorcing. We are trying to remain (or become) friends, and that is trying too.
I don't know the specifics of your situation. I can't say for sure if he's trying to please you or if he really wants it—it might be both! But that situation makes sense in my mind. It sounds like he's quite attached to you, but he's also quite aware of the pain in your relationship and how he might be causing some of that. I'll bet he wants to be with you because he loves you deeply, but because of his love he also wants you to be well and he's worried he's hurting you. That would be a confusing situation for anyone, even without a mental illness.
There are also other reasons a PTSD sufferer would want to be alone, so please try not to take it personally. It's not personal.
I like @shimmerz's description of conflicting thoughts. The way I experience it, I feel emotions and I think thoughts, and the two usually do not line up. For example, I might feel fear while thinking rationally. If my thoughts mirrored my feelings, I would be unable to function in the world. Many patients with PTSD actually have a functional disconnection between the two hemispheres of the brain. The brain doesn't talk with itself like it's supposed to, and that contributes to these unreconcilable thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it feels like my mind is fighting with itself. Seems like that might apply to the conflicting thoughts your partner is having.
—
I don't think there's any "right" thing to do in your situation. You love him, and love is a strong bond. Please take care of yourself first, but maybe this weekends-only arrangement will do some good. Who knows; time will tell.
Multiple times, I gave my partner permission to leave. I really meant it—I knew what pain I was causing. He never took the opportunities I gave to leave, but long story short, we are now divorcing. We are trying to remain (or become) friends, and that is trying too.
I don't know the specifics of your situation. I can't say for sure if he's trying to please you or if he really wants it—it might be both! But that situation makes sense in my mind. It sounds like he's quite attached to you, but he's also quite aware of the pain in your relationship and how he might be causing some of that. I'll bet he wants to be with you because he loves you deeply, but because of his love he also wants you to be well and he's worried he's hurting you. That would be a confusing situation for anyone, even without a mental illness.
There are also other reasons a PTSD sufferer would want to be alone, so please try not to take it personally. It's not personal.
I like @shimmerz's description of conflicting thoughts. The way I experience it, I feel emotions and I think thoughts, and the two usually do not line up. For example, I might feel fear while thinking rationally. If my thoughts mirrored my feelings, I would be unable to function in the world. Many patients with PTSD actually have a functional disconnection between the two hemispheres of the brain. The brain doesn't talk with itself like it's supposed to, and that contributes to these unreconcilable thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it feels like my mind is fighting with itself. Seems like that might apply to the conflicting thoughts your partner is having.
—
I don't think there's any "right" thing to do in your situation. You love him, and love is a strong bond. Please take care of yourself first, but maybe this weekends-only arrangement will do some good. Who knows; time will tell.
Last edited by a moderator:
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
I wish I could give you answers you need. I truly do. I am of a similar mind to your sufferer at least in the aspect of giving you the option to walk away.
This may not be their reasoning but I do things like that, out of a need to protect the person I care about from what I can only describe as hell. There are days that the only desire I have from life is to die. I often find myself in a mindset of how can anyone want to be around me, when the only reason I am around me, is because I am physically attached to me.
Having to live in this damaged mind can be unbearably painful. When I'm doing poorly, it feels unfair to subject anyone else to this. Especially since it is apparent that I am causing the person I care about alot of pain. So because I care so much about them. I want to think of their best interest over my own, however misguided that may be.
Also, yes I am quite certain that this kind of situation would be enormously frustrating, and rightly so. If you plan to try to stick it out. I would strongly recommend that you seek therapy for yourself. It will help. It is also a good idea to talk with people about this. Develop and conduit for releasing the pent up stress.
If you decide to walk on the other hand. I know I wouldn't blame you.
This may not be their reasoning but I do things like that, out of a need to protect the person I care about from what I can only describe as hell. There are days that the only desire I have from life is to die. I often find myself in a mindset of how can anyone want to be around me, when the only reason I am around me, is because I am physically attached to me.
Having to live in this damaged mind can be unbearably painful. When I'm doing poorly, it feels unfair to subject anyone else to this. Especially since it is apparent that I am causing the person I care about alot of pain. So because I care so much about them. I want to think of their best interest over my own, however misguided that may be.
Also, yes I am quite certain that this kind of situation would be enormously frustrating, and rightly so. If you plan to try to stick it out. I would strongly recommend that you seek therapy for yourself. It will help. It is also a good idea to talk with people about this. Develop and conduit for releasing the pent up stress.
If you decide to walk on the other hand. I know I wouldn't blame you.
- Post starter
- #5
@The One Who Knocks And @shimmerz thank you for your response. He has not said he loves me just yet not sure if he ever will. But he still does the actions speak more than words. He just feels like giving up sometimes.... on himself and feels he doesnt deserve what his got and it seems he just puts doubts on the relationship because previous relationships have failed before because the ptsd got the better of him.... and the emotions over power....he just feels like giving up and gives them the option to leave.....his never tried so hard with previous girlfriends then he does with me. Probably because i am stronger and fight for him and give him the perspective of someone in my position and reassurance that he needs etc...
As long as you feel this^^^^^the feeling like giving up is about the conflicting thoughts and feelings.
Don't take this in^^^^ ....don't let it rock your boat, so to speak.....
And continue to do this ^^^^
We are ashamed when we can't give with strength as our partner does. Your strength and faith in us will eventually get through if it is unrelenting. Only do if step 1 of this post is authentic. Just my 2 cents.
- Post starter
- #7
@Neverthesame thankyou :) i start therapy next week so it will be good for me thats also to work some of my other stuff out. Its probably pushed me to finally do it myself so im grateful for that.
Im not going anywhere just yet will stand by him... i may only have him in my life at the moment face to face one day a week and via calls and texts but thats better then not having him at all. And i said that to him the other night as long as he trys to put in the effort too and he promised me. ( he always keeps his promises) :)
Im not going anywhere just yet will stand by him... i may only have him in my life at the moment face to face one day a week and via calls and texts but thats better then not having him at all. And i said that to him the other night as long as he trys to put in the effort too and he promised me. ( he always keeps his promises) :)
- Post starter
- #8
- Post starter
- #9
I can't say anything better than shimmerz has.
I love my husband and try to show him that but have given him an open option to leave whenever he wants and almost broke it off once. I don't do it to please him. I do it because I feel like a waste of food and oxygen and a burden to those around me. I know that he deserves so much more than I am capable of giving him (I would if I could) and he stays and we compromise because he disagrees with my trollish brain. I fight harder for him than I have for anyone else because I do live him. But I also want him to be happy hence the open door for him to leave if he isn't. Love is complicated. I also give him the option when I hit rock bottom to have space because I don't want him to have to come second but sometimes I can barely maintain myself.
I would say focus on the knowledge that he behaves as he loves you. And that he has promised to put in the effort. Put in boundaries to protect yourself, draw your line in the sand so to speak, and keep trying.
Hugs if you accept them.
I love my husband and try to show him that but have given him an open option to leave whenever he wants and almost broke it off once. I don't do it to please him. I do it because I feel like a waste of food and oxygen and a burden to those around me. I know that he deserves so much more than I am capable of giving him (I would if I could) and he stays and we compromise because he disagrees with my trollish brain. I fight harder for him than I have for anyone else because I do live him. But I also want him to be happy hence the open door for him to leave if he isn't. Love is complicated. I also give him the option when I hit rock bottom to have space because I don't want him to have to come second but sometimes I can barely maintain myself.
I would say focus on the knowledge that he behaves as he loves you. And that he has promised to put in the effort. Put in boundaries to protect yourself, draw your line in the sand so to speak, and keep trying.
Hugs if you accept them.
The guys have said it.
At the time, my isolating feels like I'm getting my shite out of their much more promising life and future.
I've learned since then that they felt like I didn't value them, and that I'd abandoned them, that I preferred my stupid distractions and daydreams to them.
I also felt like their trying to motivate me was them being bossy, nagging or controlling.
At the time, my isolating feels like I'm getting my shite out of their much more promising life and future.
I've learned since then that they felt like I didn't value them, and that I'd abandoned them, that I preferred my stupid distractions and daydreams to them.
I also felt like their trying to motivate me was them being bossy, nagging or controlling.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
Latest posts
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Latest: Seraphine fatal
-
-
