Ptsd Setting In 20 Years After The Fact - Anyone Have This?

[shell]

What amazes me is how many people in their early to mid forties get delayed onset PTSD, I was abused birth to 18, and it only hit several years ago. It seems to be a very common theme.

It feels like why am I being punished again ? I really got it the first time, a second time around just to make sure I never forget again, really isn't necessary.

 

[Mercy]

Dear shell,
I have felt that way too, like Having to go through it over again, for me, again and again. Healing is on so many levels and the trauma has affected so much of our lives it takes awhile to see clearly again.

Keep your courage up. We're here to listen and support you.

 

[Cecil Monarch]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site. This subject is very familiar to me. In 1993, when I was 15, I was in a car accident with my brother. The car slipped off a small bridge. He died after several minutes afterward and I was stuck in the car for half an hour while the emergency workers struggled to get me out. I only broke my arm. I never felt as though I avoided thinking about the event, but I was definitely numb to it.

For the last year, however, I've started shaking and crying whenever something reminds me of it - car accidents in a movie or songs about car accidents. I think I spent so much time thinking about losing my brother that I didn't really acknowledge how bad the accident itself was. They found a coffee cup in the engine and when I went to get stuff out of the car at the wrecking yard, it looked utterly impossible that I'd even fit inside it, it was so flattened. I'm terrified of cars and driving in snow storms, but my family lives around the state of Colorado and my husband loves to ski, so I have to drive a lot.

Now, I jump whenever I hear a loud noise, even if my husband comes in the room. I'm constantly in a state of panic and I'm completely exhausted all the time, so much so that I struggle to get my work done. Some days it's hard to even brush my teeth. I've also had three serious concussions (none from the car accident) and can't tell what causes which symptoms. All I know is that things are slowly unraveling after 20 years of holding it together and I don't know how to get beyond it all. I've been in therapy on and off for all my life. My current therapist wants to try EMDR but I'm terrified of living it all through again.

Thanks to everyone for all your posts. They're comforting to read.

M

 

[JustBe]

Welcome to the forum:)

I think you'll find that many of us share your feelings. This is a good place to connect with others and begin to heal.

 

[AS1975]

Then I wanted to live in the village with all of the other "villagers" so I've maintained an equilibrium between my interior core and my environment.

Yeah, now that I can identify with. My response, sit back, watch and laugh. It truly is like some sort of supersized "SIM" city, I'm back to not giving a toss. I'll look after me and I'll be alright Jack. I'm sick of trying to save idiots from themselves. But it is always kind of amusing to watch them destroy themselves in predictable ways.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site.

Welcome Cecil Monarch :)

 

[AS1975]

Welcome to the forum Cecil, hope you find what you are looking for

 

[Traumagirl]

Welcome Cecil. We all understand what you're going through. I'm sending you a big hug. You'll find a way to get through this. We all will.

 

[safenow]

Cecil, I'm sorry you experienced all that you did. I think (not sure) with EMDR you will find you won't relive everything, but rather you will remember without the pain attached. At least I've been told that. I've not done it myself, but I know a lot of people here have. So I'm sure some will come tell you about it.

safenow.

 

[71nothing]

Welcome to the site. My symptoms also started more that 20 years after the event. In retrospect they were there much earlier for several years but were misdiagnosed because I didn't initially reveal the trauma to anyone as a teen and then when I did the treatment team I was working with at the time saw it as a secondary issue so never really looked into it.

20 years after that misdiagnosis and treatment our town was struck by a devastating flood. My house was totally destroyed. In the midst of that trauma I was at the store in our town and ran into my abuser for the first time since I was 13 years old. Between the trauma of the flooding and running into him my symptoms became quite pronounced again. I denied them and pushed through for about 6 years before seeking help again. I think because my first experience with seeking treatment was not positive I was avoiding doing it again. Luckily, this time, I am much more able to communicate with my therapist about my initial traumas and my treatment is very much on target and helping.

 

[safenow]

Some of my symptoms were started more than 60 years ago. sigh. The good thing is, I can see more clearly now that not everything I feel or think is in relation to abuse, neglect, trauma of any kind. The feelings can be tissue memories (a form of PTSD) and when you recognize them for what they are, they go away. I hope you know what I'm speaking about. What i'm about to say might trigger someone. If it does, please forgive me and ground yourself quickly.

When I was tied up and held captive every time I moved I got kicked or hit, so I tried very hard not to move. I had to do that when a wee child, so I knew how to do it. But over time you forget things like that. In my mind, I think that prepared me for what was to come, so I could know what to do. Anyway, when you hold still for long periods of time in awkward positions, the body goes numb or hurts til it goes numb. I tend to dissociate that area of my body so I can think (see and hear) without pain. Just writing about my childhood today brought on my body tissue memories and I had to stretch out and move around to rid myself of them.

Grounding time for me. Be back later.

safenow