Relationship PTSD Spouse That Needs Some Advice

[am1inside]

I've recently discovered that my husband of 2 months may have PTSD. He hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, but he's got all the "classic" signs/symptoms and our marriage is already in trouble. He's quiet all the time, gets angry very easily, no patience, avoids any conversation that has anything to do with emotions, etc. I, on the other hand, am a talkative, very in-tune with psychology type of person, so I'm really having a hard time and can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone like this, if things don't change. Don't get me wrong, I've had my own issues with depression and anger, and I've gone to see a psychiatrist about them and I feel like I've changed and gotten better. But, my husband just seems to be getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do.
Does anyone have any advice with how to deal with a man who has what is typically known as the "avoidance" type of PTSD? I let him know that I'm always here for him, but he never talks to me about ANYTHING, big or small, and is steadily becoming more and more verbally abusive and mean.
Thanks...

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the forum. There is plenty to read here about PTSD, both for sufferers and carers. I would urge your husband to get a diagnosis, and for you to learn all that you can about PTSD. There are plenty of carers here that will be able to relate to you, so keep sharing and reading.

I wish you well,
cherryblossom

 

[Jawn]

Welcome to the forum. You will find lots of information and support here. One thing to note right off, no matter what ails your husband, he needs to admit there is a problem and seek help. Until he gets to that point you can not help him very much. Read the articles and posts on here and educate yourself. Post questions and you will get feedback from people who have dealt with similar situations.

Jawn

 

[Clyde]

Hi,

Something that really struck me about what you said was that you just got married. It seems like that could (inadvertently) add a huge stress. I think this is described well in Anthony's [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/content/130-The-PTSD-Cup-Explanation"]article[/DLMURL] about filling up the cups. But it could be that being married makes the relationship "more serious" and so the fear of messing up the relationship and loosing you might be hard. I don't really understand it, but I know that my girlfriend always has a really hard time around our anniversary.

The most important thing for you is to take care of yourself - you don't have to put up with verbal abuse.

Best,
Clyde

 

[stephenclaude]

Be Strong Don't Give Up

Hi! I've gone through different sites which discusses same issue you have now. And I had read few info about PTSD. PTSD is due to psychological problems or physical effects of extreme stress on the brain on which person with PTSD. The usual behaviour you'll find out to a person with PTSD are: Angry and irritability, depressed, have suicidal thoughts and feelings, etc. With the fact that your husband has a PTSD as a wife you should be understanding and careful to every response you're showing to your husband. I know that dealing to person with PTSD is not that easy but you have to be strong and patient to learn more things about the cause of his being traumatic. But before going deep searched about PTSD you must have admit him to diagnose the right condition he has now and so he will be treated according to psychologists' diagnoses.

 

[Benjamin17]

You are not alone in this battle. I am in a similar situation where my wife started showing similar signs after two weeks of being married. We have now been married for over four years and things have improved drastically in many areas. If your experience is like mine your spouse is trying to come to grips with what is going on. My wife didn't want to talk for a while because she didn't know what to say and often times she didn't want to admit to what she was thinking, feeling, or remembering. She was also really reluctant to help, medication, or letting me tell anyone.

However, that phase passed and she started to tackle what she was feeling. I would have to validate what she was thinking and feeling multiple times per conversation. As she began to trust me more and more she started to become more open to various kinds of treatment. It was a long discovery process because we were so young and nieve. Medication, cognitive therapy, and vigilance have now given us a fairly normal life. We have also developed a very strong bond that others as young and newly wed often do not enjoy. She still has nightmares, anxiety, and other common effects but they are less severe. In the end it has been worth it.

 

[Froggie]

You are not alone in this battle. I am in a similar situation where my wife started showing similar signs after two weeks of being married. We have now been married for over four years ...

... We have also developed a very strong bond that others as young and newly wed often do not enjoy. She still has nightmares, anxiety, and other common effects but they are less severe. In the end it has been worth it.

Hello Benjamin17, welcome to the forum. You will have not only great support and relate to other carers, but I have this feeling you might bring some insight as a carer ... for other carers and for sufferers. This forum is great for this, as we can read through both sides of this reality. Helps to evolve and take some decisions