Hello,
I'm writing because I'm so frustrated I can hardly stand just existing. Some quick background; my life has been somewhat of a horror story to most,I was abandoned by parents at age 8 and left to raise self on streets of a bad area. I became involved in all manners of illegal/illicit activities, mostly acts associated with addiction which began around that age. I've had enough bipolar diagnosis to come to terms with the fact that I am, indeed bipolar,but as long as I stay clean I have found that this is manageable without psychiatric medication.
Last August I had approximately 5-7 years clean. I was nine months pregnant. My husband and then two kids were being relocated back to our home state. We'd found a home we liked and began closing on it. On the way home I witnessed the vehicle behind me being rear ended at about 60mph. It turned out to be the car that my husband and kids were in (we had taken two separate vehicles to meet earlier). Everyone was fine except for my then two year old daughter.
Its been just over a year and still,my mind will not allow me to 'play the tape all the way through' from that night. My daugher is alive,but was left with a fractured skull and traumatic brain injury. The very end of my last pregnancy was spent watching her cling to life in critical condition for several weeks,followed by having had her home for a day and a half before giving birth to my 12 month old.
I have always been 'moody' due to rapid cycling bipolar. Though I've found that this seems exacerbated somewhat,the main problem I'm experiencing is the fact that I can not concentrate at all. I can't get organized. Where once I was quite deft at domestic duties, I find myself to be fairly disconnected. My home is disorganized, my meals are under par and the lack of motivation I'm experiencing is very frustrating. I'm often confused, slightly disoriented,I just can not get it together and this is quite bothersome to me,as I had really believed that child rearing and homemaking were my true calling and used to do quite well at them. I'm terrified in traffic,I hardly leave. I feel tired and listless, uncomfortable and exhausted most of the time.
I believe that I may be duffering from ptsd but was really looking for anybody that can relate to my experiences before I attempt to be treated because I often feel 'weak' for feeling this way,especially in light of the fact that I've had to overcome so much personal hardship in order to live a 'normal' life. Does any of this sound familiar? Thank you very much, cookie b
I'm writing because I'm so frustrated I can hardly stand just existing. Some quick background; my life has been somewhat of a horror story to most,I was abandoned by parents at age 8 and left to raise self on streets of a bad area. I became involved in all manners of illegal/illicit activities, mostly acts associated with addiction which began around that age. I've had enough bipolar diagnosis to come to terms with the fact that I am, indeed bipolar,but as long as I stay clean I have found that this is manageable without psychiatric medication.
Last August I had approximately 5-7 years clean. I was nine months pregnant. My husband and then two kids were being relocated back to our home state. We'd found a home we liked and began closing on it. On the way home I witnessed the vehicle behind me being rear ended at about 60mph. It turned out to be the car that my husband and kids were in (we had taken two separate vehicles to meet earlier). Everyone was fine except for my then two year old daughter.
Its been just over a year and still,my mind will not allow me to 'play the tape all the way through' from that night. My daugher is alive,but was left with a fractured skull and traumatic brain injury. The very end of my last pregnancy was spent watching her cling to life in critical condition for several weeks,followed by having had her home for a day and a half before giving birth to my 12 month old.
I have always been 'moody' due to rapid cycling bipolar. Though I've found that this seems exacerbated somewhat,the main problem I'm experiencing is the fact that I can not concentrate at all. I can't get organized. Where once I was quite deft at domestic duties, I find myself to be fairly disconnected. My home is disorganized, my meals are under par and the lack of motivation I'm experiencing is very frustrating. I'm often confused, slightly disoriented,I just can not get it together and this is quite bothersome to me,as I had really believed that child rearing and homemaking were my true calling and used to do quite well at them. I'm terrified in traffic,I hardly leave. I feel tired and listless, uncomfortable and exhausted most of the time.
I believe that I may be duffering from ptsd but was really looking for anybody that can relate to my experiences before I attempt to be treated because I often feel 'weak' for feeling this way,especially in light of the fact that I've had to overcome so much personal hardship in order to live a 'normal' life. Does any of this sound familiar? Thank you very much, cookie b
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