Question For Sufferers Who Have Ever Pushed A Loved One Away.

[Tinyflame]

Anna1954 I don't know if he is the right person for you, but I know somebody is. I am glad however it helped you in a sense do that for yourself. He definitely sounds like he has his own issues as per commitment or the divorce, independent of ptsd, to make that comment.

Idk Anna1954 if it is worth it. I feel rather ambivalent about existing or new relationships, I'm tired of caring, or 'risk', or explaining, or anything.

However, I do believe that you will come across someone right for you- I think you will find it will require less 'work' on your part. It shouldn't leave you feeling like there's something 'wrong' or 'lacking' in you, because there isn't.

 

[lcpl]

@ Anna1954
I hope this message finds you well and that you have comeback to see if any one else has replied to your post, even after a year has pasted. And I hope you find what I have been feeling to be of help to get him back and or closure for why he did what he did. There are many factors but I hope telling you what is at the core of (most) marines and our feelings and the things we do to sabotage happiness to continue on with our instilled mentality that makes a marine a marine.

I speak from from knowledge as I am also a marine. We marines are complex creatures, even when it comes to relastionships, when someone of whom has truly taken a place and pice of our hearts we find the need to push them out. I think this because we are trained for the loss of those closest to us in combat. We just do not know what to do with real happiness even when it falls right in our lap. We are so used to moving arround, never being in one place for to long, not experiencing happiness, and it takes a toal on us, we are very unhappy people and we accustom to it, when we feel happines we push it way because we don't know how to cope with it.

My sister sort of forced me and her friend out on a date, after trying to get me to ask her out for several months. And I have to say I was very happy being unhappy. So to get my sister to lay off me, I agreed to take her friend out. And I knew she was the one before we were even done with dinner on the first date, it has only been 1 month as I am writing this now, and I have been feeling the need to push her way for the whole time.

A little back story now... I was married for 8 years. I will addmit that I settled for my ex. She ended it because we were both extreamly unhappy, she was bi polar, and I made it work/faught for so long because I knew it would eventually end and once again I was happy being unhappy. I guess what I am getting at is, for me and other marines that I am close with (cant speak for them all), is thats it easier for us to deal with bad unhappy relationships because the loss is exceptable to us because most marines are unhappy people, then it is to have someone who has truly captured a piece of the real us.

I have fallen for this woman that makes me truly happy, it scares me, I feel the need to push her away so I don't get hurt from knowing what happines feels like. I feel that she can do better, I feel that I will be a burden to her from what I am accustomed to, I feel that I am better off alone and unhappy, I feel the fear that she will have an emotional and or physical affiar with someone else, and the only thing I have every realy known is being unhappy and I dont know how to deal with true happines.

Although I am becoming selfaware now as I have been writing this -of why I am having these thoughts of self sabotage and wanting to push her away, I still hope I have the courage to explain all this to her tonight of what and why I am feeling these feelings, so that if I do keep feeling and being this way she can push and fight me back and know that what I am doing is not because of her it is just me afraid of being truly happy with her.

 

[The Albatross]

I pushed my relationship away hard with my current husband and ended up married anyway. Conversely, I have pushed other people away from me because either they aren't "safe" or they bring out disfunctional responses for me. Regrets? Sure I have some. But I try to keep in mind that I went with my "gut".

 

[Tribulations]

I have been dealing with the aftermath of pushing someone I love away since yesterday. I look at it in retrospect now and know it was the PTSD. I was so afraid to be loved by this person that I walked out on her multiple times. She has had my heart since I was 15, and even though my current relationship is good. I can't help but think what could have been had I just accepted and not ran.

You know when you meet someone who just connects and shakes every cell in you? That was her to me. I tried extending my friendship but understandably she declined for fear of me breaking her heart again. I am sure the fact I am with the person I left her for (the 3rd time) didn't help. I lost someone very dear to me and will forever remember this, and learn from it. As heart wrenching as it is.

It's karma though, I left her when she needed me and now she has returned the gesture. The hardest part about it isn't the heartbreak from her walking away, but more so the heartbreak of owning up to what mistakes I made and what I did. I didn't ever realize that my actions impacted and affected her life so much at that time. Now that I do, I am not sure I can forgive myself for hurting someone I hold so dearly to my heart.

My heart she stole, she shook my soul, I let her go, she put the fire out. Hmmm, maybe I need to write a song to get this out. It hurts but hey like I told her in my response, it is what it is.

 

[Tribulations]

I just want to add that I wanted to be friends, nothing more. I do love my partner and have every intent in staying faithful to her. Thought my post would make some think I had ill intentions. I do love this individual but I am not the type to cheat now that I am matured.

When I was younger I dated which to some can constitute as cheating if you date more than one person. To me I was seeing what options I had, if this makes sense. I have never cheated in a full on relationship.

 

[saffy]

Hi

In regards to sabotaging my relationships with men, I would not say I felt guilty but regretted some of the actions and disappointed in myself for letting irrational thoughts affect what could have been really good.

I have had to learn to recognise what my fears are and whether they are justified. For me it boiled down to fear of rejection and abandonment.

I myself have pushed people away, either because I didn't feel anything, didn't want to hurt them, or didn't want to get hurt myself.

I think pushing away because you never felt anything is a good thing to do. Why keep someone hanging on if you don't actually feel anything for them, that would be unfair. :)

I am interested to know whether you had the instinct that they would hurt you or your inner dialogue convinced you that they would?

and, if it is ok to ask, in what way did you feel you would hurt them?

I have found that once I have pushed them away they never really leave my memories and in most cases I remain friends with them.

When it came to pushing away family, at first I wondered if I had made the right decision, but mainly I take them out of my mind and life and memories.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Powder]

I'm not sure what it is, but every time my spouse gets "too close" to me, I push him away. I don't mean separation or divorce, but away from me. I've always done this to everyone as a reaction with my PTSD to people.

They call it a "trust" issue, but obviously, to us with this, it's more that just that. Humans have this ability to mirror us in ways that are very uncomfortable to the point of anguish. It's hard to put words to it.

In a house with a family in it, I feel the love, but I also feel suffocated by this anguish that I don't really ever get a break from. And when they are not there, I miss them. It's not great either way; this sounds truly ungrateful. That's just it. I live for them, but the constant emotional roller coaster is hard when sleep issues, illness, or work stress already has me by the throat. This gets tiring. I think sometimes the push away is about fatigue in the end. Like I just can't go on like this. I don't really know.

Muse

 

[Mariajose]

Sometimes we push people away and it is not what we want. I do this to my husband. He gets the worst of my outbursts and terrible moments. There is something to be said for the way we treat someone when we know they are safe. In my case in particular it is those that are closest to me that I hurt the most. And I love this people dearly, they are my support and my blessings, but that does not keep me from unleashing on them or anyone else. I am desperately working on it, but it has definitely been an uphill battle for me.

 

[sol1107]

I pushed my wife away because I thought I was protecting her. I never snapped, but I was scared that I would drag her down and I felt she deserved better. Still, I was selfish and still madly in love with her as I am today, so I never had the courage to leave so she could have a better life. Good thing she's so stubborn, because she has never left my side. I became downright ugly to her, yet she never gave up. I regret ever single moment I hurt her, and as tough as she acted, I could feel the pain I caused her. Just thinking about it now makes my jaw hurt, trying to hold back the tears and agony.

I'll never be able to apologize enough to her, nor will I ever be able to thank her enough for being there, and saving my life on many occasions. It's because of her that I'm doing so well now. If I had pushed her away, I probably wouldn't be here to make this post.

 

[hollyberrytea]

I once had a very close friend for five years (the longest I've had anyone as a friend).

I hurt this person MANY times and I believe to the point he resented me, yet he still tried. After many goodbyes and done talking to each others. I finally pushed him away (for the final time) and I did it without saying a thing. He hasn't tried to contact me since and I haven't cared to stalk him or worry about him. He's better off than what I did to him.

Considering this was about a year ago and my condition is worse, I did regret it, but I'm over it now. It was quite an experience, I was happy to have it, but it wasn't good for either of us.

And now I'm building friendships and relationships that are ten times better (mainly because I'm not as messed up). But I look back on that one as a learning experience. Because it dealt with a lot of pushing him away almost on a daily basis.

I never got close to people to start with, but now that's changing. Instead of just one person, I have a couple. And it's nice. I'm happy about it.

 

[Philippa]

I pushed away all members of my blood family, to protect myself mainly, but other times I have to prevent them from having to deal with me, and I was about to start a thread today wanting to ask about the deep remorse I have felt now and then about cutting ties with them, and if this is normal. This seems like an appropriate place to express that remorse right now.

I still may start a thread though, as I would like to go into it a bit more. Thanks for asking though, it helped to know others have experienced similar feelings about it.

 

[Jlso111187]

I regret it. I hate pushing the people I love and choose as friends away as it is hard for me to get to that point with them. But I don't try to either. I feel its the flight or fight response we all have and most of the time since the rapes I endured its mostly flight. I'd rather run from people than fight for the relationship.

I did fight for my husband (long story so heres quick version) (he left me filed for the divorce but was playing with my head telling me he loved me wanted to be with me and yet he was sleeping with someone else who he got pg. This went on for a year). But I fought to keep my marriage it took everything out of me, I couldn't eat, sleep was worse than it has ever been (3-4 days no sleep at all where as I usually get 3-4 hours a day), I lost a lot of weight, went through so many different emotions. But in the end I feel it was worth to fight for that one as we have been together for 4 years since than and we are stronger. Do I worry it may happen again? Yes. Would I fight again? No, it took everything out of me.