Question On "Paralysis" And Also Tips On How To Explain

[trapped]

Yesterday I had to go to a place that is a trigger for some pretty intense flashbacks. I knew that ahead of time. The person who drove me knew all the details ahead of time. As we were driving there and getting close, my already-exagerated startle response became even more exagerated. That pissed off my friend and we started arguing. She then brought up the details of what happened to me in this specific place. That made everything worse. Sent me into a hell of a flashback and anxiety attack, worse than anything I've ever experienced. I litterally was unable to physically move parts of my body. That pissed off my friend even more. It scared me the more upset she got with me. I was already scared enough. It's a horrible feeling to not be able to move and to be 100% sure you're going crazy and to feel like you're dying.

Today this same friend calls me to bitch at me more. Told me it was all my fault, that I should have more control over the flashbacks, that if I trusted her it wouldn't have happened, that she doesn't know if she can be my friend since I "obviously" don't trust her, and loads of other crap.

I don't understand why I wasn't able to physically move, and that's scary still. It's got me afraid to leave my room incase it happens again. And trying to figure out a good way to explain what happens during the flashbacks to my friend has me so stressed out, because I just have such a hard time verbalizing how real they feel, when logically I know it's not real and cognitively I know I'm not in danger... it's like my mind knows there's no real danger and the flashback can't hurt me, but my body hasn't seemed to catch up to that little fact yet...

 

[midi]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Awakening]

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

 

[TLight]

I've learned to be very careful about who I call a friend.

Sounds very frightening and instead of getting frustrated with you, she should have been loving and supportive. You deserve better.

 

[dust]

trapped,

I had a flashback with a friend once (got myself out of the situation before going into the full on lying down in a dark room for hours f/b) - she has not demonstrated any compassion or empathy since, even though I tried to explain what happened (without asking for any pity.) I have approached her a few times and she doesn't really want to know. I don't know what to say to you, apart from sorry... it is a terrible thing to experience and flashback and awful to be bitched at because of it! Please take care of yourself - people here understand.

dust

 

[Auburngirl]

that's not a good friend. I also used to have a sequence of anxiety attacks, followed by dissociation where I also couldn't talk or move.

I found it terrifying, but I did sort of get used to it, and gradually develop techniques to deal with it, and tried my best to explain it to my partner (obviously when it was not happening).

If you want to PM me I can explain in more detail, this is definitely a scary experience, and I would also sometimes have gaps in my memory afterwards.

I'm really sorry you had to have such an awful experience and with someone who was so terrible to you. I used to try to explain this as being like a reflex, if my knee gets hit, my leg leaps up before I even know what's happened, it doesn't have to do with whether or not I trust you, but if you react calmly I'm more likely to recover quickly.

 

[cragger65]

I can relate to the reaction. At one time when this would happen, I would feel as if both my feet were nailed to the floor - I couldn't move. Time passed and it felt as if one of my feet were nailed to the floor, which I think was ever more frustrating! Now I realize it was the feeling of terror from being terrorized/traumatized. It's bigger than your thinking mind can process at times, and your mind locks up. It's telling you "it's not safe to move, so I won't let you". This has gotten much better with the passage of time and positive, soothing self-talk every single day. I pray that you find the same.

I don't know your friend, but I do know my own family was, and still is, very incredulous as to my condition. It's so far departed from their own "normal" experience, they think it is mere fabrication. It hurts me, but I do understand.

 

[TLight]

Cragger;
I must say, you are a brave man for confronting your trauma and sharing with all of us. Congrats and I'm so sorry your family is clueless.

Trapped;
You have us here and hopefully a therapist who completely understands what you are experiencing and can offer compassion and hope. I've found most 'normals' just can't get it. They have no frame of reference for how debilitating and painful this is, unfortunately.