Hello all,
Yes I am new but I'm sure where to post this as this seems a little strange to ask for support or suggestions in an introduction thread. (I'm 18)
For many years now I have struggled with feeling worthless and depressed but I could never work out why. Yes I had done many bad things in my past when I was younger. To account a few, a few days before we moved from Florida to where I am now (I was 9) an older and previous Babysitter had come over and when my mom at the time was not paying much attention things happened and I wound up with me britches down and her touching me. Sure but I let that happen and I was 9 not 3 so I figured all these years that I was starting puberty around 9 or 10 but I don't really remember much about what happened, just very small bits of information. Most of it is just, not there. I believe she was 14/15 at the time this occurred.
But I've also had some other things I worry about, before we moved my father knew this man who the same year we moved turned out to have molested his daughter for years and was sentenced to something like 20+ years in prison. The only problem was he used to stay in our camper all the time and I was too young then to know why. I was probably 6 r 7 when he stayed with us in our pop-up camper. I've been told I use to go hang out with him and play with his computer which I only very vaguely remember, and it's a small scene where all I remember was just looking at the computer. I have zero recollection of anything else involving that man or what went on inside the camper. When he was found to be a molester my parents talked to me about whether or not he "touched" me at all (I was probably 10 when he was sentenced) and they asked because I use to "Hang-out" with him (at the time I was absolutely fascinated with computers so it's likely I would have easily wanted to play on his computer)
I'm just really trying to understand why I feel like a worthless slum all the time and I can't seem to find any reasons. I'm also very very uncomfortable around anyone if they're even slightly revealing, or if a girl tries to brush against me or grab my hand I almost always freeze for a second and I have to be careful so they don't think I'm being rude. This is especially evident with my mother, I notice I flinch when she touches me and I've gotten into heated arguments over it and how I don't love her even though I do.
Sorry to make this an essay. Just wanted to find a place I could share this. Not feeling the brightest lately and I'm finally wanting to find out why I feel like a can of poo all the time.
Yes I am new but I'm sure where to post this as this seems a little strange to ask for support or suggestions in an introduction thread. (I'm 18)
For many years now I have struggled with feeling worthless and depressed but I could never work out why. Yes I had done many bad things in my past when I was younger. To account a few, a few days before we moved from Florida to where I am now (I was 9) an older and previous Babysitter had come over and when my mom at the time was not paying much attention things happened and I wound up with me britches down and her touching me. Sure but I let that happen and I was 9 not 3 so I figured all these years that I was starting puberty around 9 or 10 but I don't really remember much about what happened, just very small bits of information. Most of it is just, not there. I believe she was 14/15 at the time this occurred.
But I've also had some other things I worry about, before we moved my father knew this man who the same year we moved turned out to have molested his daughter for years and was sentenced to something like 20+ years in prison. The only problem was he used to stay in our camper all the time and I was too young then to know why. I was probably 6 r 7 when he stayed with us in our pop-up camper. I've been told I use to go hang out with him and play with his computer which I only very vaguely remember, and it's a small scene where all I remember was just looking at the computer. I have zero recollection of anything else involving that man or what went on inside the camper. When he was found to be a molester my parents talked to me about whether or not he "touched" me at all (I was probably 10 when he was sentenced) and they asked because I use to "Hang-out" with him (at the time I was absolutely fascinated with computers so it's likely I would have easily wanted to play on his computer)
I'm just really trying to understand why I feel like a worthless slum all the time and I can't seem to find any reasons. I'm also very very uncomfortable around anyone if they're even slightly revealing, or if a girl tries to brush against me or grab my hand I almost always freeze for a second and I have to be careful so they don't think I'm being rude. This is especially evident with my mother, I notice I flinch when she touches me and I've gotten into heated arguments over it and how I don't love her even though I do.
Sorry to make this an essay. Just wanted to find a place I could share this. Not feeling the brightest lately and I'm finally wanting to find out why I feel like a can of poo all the time.
