General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[Friday]

And on a side note: does anyone have or know of study or dynamic group formats (pre-packaged) for group settings of supporters of PTSD/ I.e. family or spouses

I linked you a few things in another post asking about groups for spouses of combat vets... that I can just copy out here (Go go gadget Friday laaaaaaaazy button ;) )

@G.P. In the US both the VA & VetCenters offer them.

Location determines a lot of what is available. For example San Diego has a Sex & Intimacy clinic (more about that here Young vets: Trouble in the bedroom ), meanwhile other locations offer other things.

To find out what’s local to you (or worth flying for) I’d start here Partners of Veterans with PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

A lot of the VA is only for post-9/11 vets. If yours is prior to that, VetCenters operate on an entirely different scheme // all combat veterans, regardless of when/where & all MST.

More on VetCenters here Vet Center Program Home

 

[Justmehere]

I am contemplating starting a group for supporters in my area- I am remotely located in a rural area on the island - hawaii- and there are many veterans in this area- mostly I’m told due to its remoteness. But no resources around this area.

In the US, NAMI’s family to family groups were helpful for someone I know in navigating multiple people with ptsd and one with other mental health conditions. It’s general to all supporters of all mental health conditions, but it’s helpful.

 

[G.P.]

Good thinking, so far I've tried several towns over which has the V.A. center located there, but no replies yet. They get back logged here a lot :(

 

[G.P.]

In the US, NAMI’s family to family groups were helpful for someone I know in navigating multiple people with ptsd and one with other mental health conditions. It’s general to all supporters of all mental health conditions, but it’s helpful.

I contacted NAMI and it sounds like this might just work, Thank you for your help :) :) :)

 

[Never_falter2]

*Rant* I woke hours ago and cannot sleep and I think vet is having bad dream but do not want to wake him.

 

[Freida]

*Rant* I woke hours ago and cannot sleep and I think vet is having bad dream but do not want to wake him.

hubby knows better than to touch me to wake me up so he will just call my name over and over until it sinks in. That seems to help.....

 

[Never_falter2]

*rant* Vet wanted to be in bed early today because he has not been sleeping well Nowgorod nights and he needs to get up early tomorrow. I am in bed. Guess who is not there. Stupid man. It’s 2335 over here.

 

[Never_falter2]

There it is: my rant and complain thread.

Rant No. 1: Today in the news: Scientist say dodge ball is “traumatic“ and they mean it like that and want it to be abolished. I never liked dodge ball but:
1) I have no problem with people saying something is traumatic in jest... but they mean it like this. That’s really a bit odd.
2) What about the people who love dodge ball and will be traumatized when it is abolished (and think rhythmic gymnastic is far more traumatic)... let me think what was the name of that group again? Oh, now I remember: they are called boys.

Rant No. 2: feeling a bit hopeless today because of several things but trying not to think of it.

 

[Neverthesame]

I hated dodge ball as a kid, I was the kid who was rubbish at throwing the ball, worse at avoiding it, but excellent at catching it with my nose.

That said.
Traumatic? BWAA HA HAA!!!
Yeah, no.
You know what being whacked repeatedly by a soft rubber ball taught me to do as a little kid?
Stop a football (soccer ball for you yanks) as a bigger kid.

they are called boys.

That's what they'll stay if they are forever coddled. Life isn't safe or fair. Why we try to teach children otherwise is beyond me. Sounds like a good way to set a kid up for a lifetime of misery.
That's my weirdly unpopular opinion... and subsequent rant.

 

[LuckiLee]

Why the hell are we responsible for your brother and his b.s. ? I am so f#cking over this shit. He's a drunk! Nothing you or I or anybody else can do about it. He's NEVER going to change if everyone keeps bailing him out of his f#cking messes. I am so bloody over it. I dont like him and don't want him near US. He is f#cking up your healing, sanity and happiness!! And causing problems with our relationship! He's a f#cking embarrassment. Ugh!!!

You better figure something out soon. Damn it!

?????

 

[Freida]

@LuckiLee I'm so sorry. I know I drove hubby nuts with my issues with my brother's drama for several years until hubby finally had to tell me that if brother moved in again he was leaving. It crushed me...but it finally got me to go see a t about coping with it. I had been responsible for brother for a long time...it was hard to see him as an adult making bad decisions instead of the kid I took care of

not sure I would suggest that route with j!! :laugh: but it took me finally seeing the pain it was causing hubby watching me try to deal with it all that kind of some me up to the need for better boundaries

long explanation for ...here's hoping J catches a clue!!

 

[LuckiLee]

Thanks @Freida!

His brother is destroying his life with alcohol. His wife and daughter left 2 years ago because he is "a mean drunk". I thought that would be his rock bottom. Nope.

Their sister gave him a car to drive (illegally) and he was drunk and rear ended another car. Police came and they let someone pick him up at the scene. No arrest. The other person went by ambulance to the hospital. She's suing in civil court. Rock bottom? Nope.

J and their other brother have been driving him to and from work. To the grocery store. To the f#cking bars....

He's using J for everything. And threatening suicide. (This guy's a piece of work) It's disgusting.

This is J's twin. And there is so much dysfunction between them. They're toxic to each other. And probably trauma bonded because of their abusive childhood. Idk.

I'm at a loss. J and I talk about it but I have to tread lightly because J will defend him. J drops everything when he calls and needs something. It's gross.

He asked J (not me) if we would take him on MY family vacation next week. J and I had decided years ago that that could never happen. He would cause so much drama. But he asked and said he didn't want to be alone and was afraid he would hurt himself. Guilt trip him in to bringing him along. Reluctantly I said ok. The same night he asked, we went to the city for fireworks and brought him along. J and I watched from the VFW while he walked around town. By the time he got back to us 2 hours later he was so drunk, couldn't walk, slurring his words, bumping into people, interrupting people's conversations. So we have to leave and cart his drunk ass home while he talks a bunch of b.s. and mentions suicide. Again. Guilt f#cking trip!!

When we were driving home J said "we can't take him on vacation, he would offend everyone and I can't do that to your family especially your Dad". I think he told him yesterday.

I told him he should talk with his T about this because if I say anything I'm the bad guy. J knows he's being used and manipulated amd has to step away. He knows he has to hit his rock bottom but this whole threatening suicide is making that impossible. J keeps jumping when C says jump.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to stay out of it but it's really pissing me off because it's coming between us. J and I work so hard to have a happy life. J is finally in a place to receive some quality care and therapy and this f#cker is putting a damper on that too. He's more concerned about his brother than himself.

Thanks for reading. I just had to get this off my chest. It's reeeeeeally making me mad. I want to tell him off soooooo bad!!

XO

P.S. all that crap I mentioned ^^^ is just the tip of the iceberg.