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- #13
TruthSeeker
Diamond Member
Was going to post this before.....wasn't ready......
Went to airport.....flying home
Bag too heavy by 3 lbs (art supplies)
Lady suggested switching some heavier stuff out,
craft paint was the heaviest,
I did w/o thinking-trade clothes for paint...done
problem is getting solved...saved money,
stuff, stuff, stuff....there done,
standard rate for the checked bag,
saved 100 dollars!
off to security screening...got this...a breeze,
take out computer, the man says.....
shoes off, coat, etc....everything in the bin....
I empty all my pockets...I got this....
.....I think all is good,
I walk through,
feet on the yellow footprints,
lady says come out....
"You alarmed......I have to do a full body search"
Is there anything in your pocket,
I missed the kleenex in the back pocket....
They yell, her bag lit...too.....
I say, "I have ptsd quietly...she didn't blink,
She saw my face, she just stared at me,
Tears well.....she says, I can take you in the back and do this....
"Not in there....it's not safe.....
not safe for sure..... a voice from my head determines.....
it is her job....to grope me....it was a kleenex!
A stupid kleenex.....
No please hurry....get it over......tears roll,
and i hear...."You are safe, it is her job, she's not going to hurt you,
it is her job, you are safe, this is her job, she's not going to hurt you....
and that message repeated all the while she did the body search....
"Spread your legs apart....
You don't have anything to worry about.....
Hands above head" she says....
pat pat pat....up and down....further up and down,
Thinking....no not there..... yeah...she touched there....
it felt old, painful......feelings from before.....
You are safe, this is only her job, not going to hurt you....
All is a blur.....now the bag....it lit up.....
I could hardly talk,
fXck, where is my language,
tears still rolling.....
I have to use words......
as they are asking me questions.....
"Something alarmed in your carry on,
art supplies and paint....craft stuff, says the lady....
and the bottle was 3 oz too big,....
"Toss it...I said.....
"Don't you want it-you can put it in your luggage?
"No just toss it I said....still crying...
All paints originally in checked luggage,
totally dissociated from all the groping,
hurried to gather stuff,
Tears still rolling....
10 more minutes of anxiety crying,
on go shoes, got bag, get the hell aout of here,
and 5 min later, I think I hear my name....on the intercom,
I think, "I'm not a terrorist....just someone who brought paints,
to reduce stress and get a damn project finished."
I ask the guy at the ticket counter if they called me...
he didn't know....I went back there to security.....
and there lay my computer....
wondering why I abandoned it.....
Cold Coke helped,
I realized I was safe and reminded myself that,
I distracted with a cell game of spades,
They called for "helpers" in exchange for seating with longer leg room,
Moving around, and getting an upgrade for sitting over the wing...
a good choice,
I bought a Time special issue magazine....on anxiety,
and soon the plane boarded
and I had ample room and no one sitting next to me....
It turned out alright.....not dwelling... or texting people of this awful thing that happened,
was a good decision.....minimizing when my mind wants to maximize....can be helpful.
Went to airport.....flying home
Bag too heavy by 3 lbs (art supplies)
Lady suggested switching some heavier stuff out,
craft paint was the heaviest,
I did w/o thinking-trade clothes for paint...done
problem is getting solved...saved money,
stuff, stuff, stuff....there done,
standard rate for the checked bag,
saved 100 dollars!
off to security screening...got this...a breeze,
take out computer, the man says.....
shoes off, coat, etc....everything in the bin....
I empty all my pockets...I got this....
.....I think all is good,
I walk through,
feet on the yellow footprints,
lady says come out....
"You alarmed......I have to do a full body search"
Is there anything in your pocket,
I missed the kleenex in the back pocket....
They yell, her bag lit...too.....
I say, "I have ptsd quietly...she didn't blink,
She saw my face, she just stared at me,
Tears well.....she says, I can take you in the back and do this....
"Not in there....it's not safe.....
not safe for sure..... a voice from my head determines.....
it is her job....to grope me....it was a kleenex!
A stupid kleenex.....
No please hurry....get it over......tears roll,
and i hear...."You are safe, it is her job, she's not going to hurt you,
it is her job, you are safe, this is her job, she's not going to hurt you....
and that message repeated all the while she did the body search....
"Spread your legs apart....
You don't have anything to worry about.....
Hands above head" she says....
pat pat pat....up and down....further up and down,
Thinking....no not there..... yeah...she touched there....
it felt old, painful......feelings from before.....
You are safe, this is only her job, not going to hurt you....
All is a blur.....now the bag....it lit up.....
I could hardly talk,
fXck, where is my language,
tears still rolling.....
I have to use words......
as they are asking me questions.....
"Something alarmed in your carry on,
art supplies and paint....craft stuff, says the lady....
and the bottle was 3 oz too big,....
"Toss it...I said.....
"Don't you want it-you can put it in your luggage?
"No just toss it I said....still crying...
All paints originally in checked luggage,
totally dissociated from all the groping,
hurried to gather stuff,
Tears still rolling....
10 more minutes of anxiety crying,
on go shoes, got bag, get the hell aout of here,
and 5 min later, I think I hear my name....on the intercom,
I think, "I'm not a terrorist....just someone who brought paints,
to reduce stress and get a damn project finished."
I ask the guy at the ticket counter if they called me...
he didn't know....I went back there to security.....
and there lay my computer....
wondering why I abandoned it.....
Cold Coke helped,
I realized I was safe and reminded myself that,
I distracted with a cell game of spades,
They called for "helpers" in exchange for seating with longer leg room,
Moving around, and getting an upgrade for sitting over the wing...
a good choice,
I bought a Time special issue magazine....on anxiety,
and soon the plane boarded
and I had ample room and no one sitting next to me....
It turned out alright.....not dwelling... or texting people of this awful thing that happened,
was a good decision.....minimizing when my mind wants to maximize....can be helpful.
