Reaching Out For Help

[jmm214407]

Lost again I think you need to find yourself. Cause words like unlikely promises are pretty rough considering A. You don't know me and B. Realizing your problem. PTSD is no joke and it can make a person do awful things. I'm not proud of what I did but I know the passion I have for her and love my family is strong enough to keep me satisfied with what and who I have in my life. Noone else matters. If you need to talk you can inbox me. I'm sure we can help each other out. God bless

 

[Lost Again]

It sounds like you always loved her but had problems controlling certain behaviours that hurt her deeply. It doesn't sound to me that those behaviour were ever due to a lack of love for her. They were due as you say to severe PTSD. Do you think you have learned how to successfully manage your triggers? Of course its possible to learn to manage your triggers but it often takes a lot of time, as well as focus of heart and mind.

 

[jmm214407]

You're absolutely right. However I KNOW I can manage my triggers. I have the focus and the heart of love for my family. I have all the motivation to do what's right for me and for the woman I love.

I have been to 2 group classes and more to come 3 therapist counseling I have another one tomorrow and I have been non stop talking to everyone who is a supporter on here. I love tue support that this site gives. Even Anthony (the person who runs this) has so much inspirational words. And I have already deleted ALL and any "viruses" as I learned to call them. I deleted ALL social media and anything bad I had. Not that I had much but there's things I didn't know. Bottom line is I have the strength and motivation and God.

 

[jmm214407]

I'm not blowing her up with texts and emails. Just having faith. I love her and I'm going to do right as if we were together

 

[jmm214407]

Lost again do you or someone you know have PTSD?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Here is me, being blunt. Shocker, I know.....!

This chick is a distraction to your healing. You need to let her go for now and focus on healing yourself. Talk is cheap and while you SAY you'll never hurt her again the reality is that you've only dipped your pinky toe into the healing pool. Healing is a LONG and HARD journey. I don't think you'll find one person here who hasn't hurt those they love as they heal---it simply doesn't happen as the rule is that things get worse before they get better. We INADVERTENTLY hurt those around us----it's simply the truth. If it was as easy as us being able to recognize that we all have a problem and not wanting to behave badly ever again then this forum wouldn't exist as everyone here admits there is a PTSD problem in some level.

Let her go for now. Focus on your own healing because if you do you'll be a better man for her.

It sort of worries me that you have unrealistic expectations about healing.

 

[jmm214407]

I have backed off a lot.. I am focusing on me and my process to get better. I never said I'm a completely changed man. I know I know I still have lots to learn. My concern here isn't my healing process I just don't know or understand why she wouldn't want to see me get better knowing that there is an issue.

Then the other problem is that she doesn't think PTSD is a problem and that I knew what I was doing in my actions. When we all who have PTSD know that's not the case. I'm going to counseling weekly and group classes. And now I'm on here like 20 hrs a day being that I don't sleep.

And I would never hurt her again. I told her I don't want tp get back together right now. But I would like her support to help me get through this mainly so she can observe the change in me. I love her with all my heart and soul. She is worth everything I have to give.

 

[MoeX]

. We INADVERTENTLY hurt those around us----it's simply the truth

True words here. This happens in any relationship. PTSD or not. I don’t think it’s something that we can control. We can control the magnitude of the hurt but not completely eliminate it. People are too different to not case others issues. Not sure that makes sense.

Then the other problem is that she doesn't think PTSD is a problem and that I knew what I was doing in my actions. .

This in my opinion in going to be the hard part. You stated that she does not want to do therapy with you. You can do all you can to heal yourself and prove your love to her but If she is in this mindset you are always going to have problems. I am unsure of your symptoms but what caused your current issues may not be your only symptoms and whomever you share your life with will have to learn to cope with all of it.

 

[jmm214407]

I just got done with my therapy right now. Dr. Is very pleased with how I'm improving. A lot of it has to do with the this site. However this was PTSD not just combat PTSD but from ky childhood as well. This could be her mindset now but you can get help to see if that can one day change

 

[jmm214407]

It sort of worries me that you have unrealistic expectations about healing.

In what way are my expectations unrealistic? I'm going to group therapy. I'm going to one on one therapy. I'm on here several hrs a a day to see other people's problems and relate them to mine so I can learn not just from my mistakes but others. Seeing other people's problems helps me identify where my trigger points are. And I'm ready The bible I'm reading a book called "Courage after the fire"

I've isolated myself from social media that can be a negative part to my PTSD. I've been going to church. I've been doing more and more to focus on me. I go for runs I walk my dog I got to the gym I'm working on managing my money. I've talked to friends who have helped me with my issue's. Even tho its an embarrassment to me and I'm ashamed that I hurt someone I love. One thing I learned today is, it doesn't matter how much you love someone

When PTSD is involved love won't stop you from doing things. Cause something xan happen that triggers your PTSD and it takes over your mind and causes you to do harmful things. To your loved ones and yourself. So my expectations are very realistic, but to achieve them I need to remember what most important to me and my life. And continue working on me.

 

[bell]

One thing that I don't think has been mentioned here... PTSD doesn't make you cheat. Therefore, you may have other problems to address than just PTSD. Also, the question earlier about was a couple able to have an intimate relationship when they friends/working it out? Tacky. And not what I think of when I think I really love someone. It should way more about that, my friend.

Why am I mentioning it? Because if you really want to get better, I think there are other things you need to address than just PTSD.

 

[jmm214407]

I never physically cheated. PTSD does cause you to talk to other people the way I did. AndI'm not fully ggetting you by her amd a friend sleeping with each other as working out? Whay do you mean? PTSD is the issue here. Not just combat PTSD but things on my childhood as well. Things such as being abused by a woman. My mother abandoning me when I was two. My wife getting pregnant by someone else while I was in iraq. Those are also things that have causedmy PTSD.

Granted her and her friend happened before our relationship they still made it very hard for me after I saw the saved picture. What I should have done was talked to her. And I didn't I lashed out and that was stupid and childish.

I just want her to know I'm sorry and I love her very much. And even if there is not will for me anymore I'll always love her amd her kids