Reaching Out For Help

[bell]

Were you two still intimate during your friendship time?

That's what I was referring to, sorry if I misunderstood. (If I did, then what I said was out of order.)

It depends on what you call cheating. What she did, is (obviously) nothing you can control. But you can control your own actions. Talking to people, sending naked pics? PTSD doesn't make you do that. And being cheated on doesn't cause PTSD. (Does being cheated on suck? Yes! But it doesn't cause PTSD.)

At least you know what you should have done, that's a good step forward. And means with some heavy work (sorry, PTSD is a lot of work), you can get better and that there is hope for you and your girl. And, at the very least, you love, which in and of itself, is a great step forward with PTSD, so pat yourself on the back for that one. :)

 

[jmm214407]

So why does my therapist say that PTSD does cause this? To send pics and text people. Why do books say its caused by it? And why are so many people on this website suffering from the same complications I did in their relationship with PTSD? Thank you for the back pat and I'm not trying to be rude.

But I guess I'm a little upset right now cause I'm going to have to let go. For her I have to think of her feelings in this not just mine.

 

[jmm214407]

And there's no hope she's told me that and she just told me agaim there is no chance for us. I blame myself. I should have let her breath when she asked and not text or called or took her a long stem rose everyday.

 

[jmm214407]

That's what I was referring to, sorry if I misunderstood. (If I did, then what I said was out of order.)

And yes I think you were misunderstood. I commented about it below.

 

[Lost Again]

I hope you will still keep up all the work you are doing on your recovery from PTSD.

 

[jmm214407]

Oh I will. Faith and prayer that one day she will see my changes and accomplishments and that she'll miss me. Till then focused on me and my health. But I want to say good bye to her in person. But she wants me to email her!?!

 

[bell]

@jmm214407, in some senses, you're right, PTSD does cause self sabotage and gets in the way of things like commitment and definitely wreaks havoc on relationships. But, the actual act of cheating it doesn't cause. (Yes, it's a fine line.)

And when I said it was important that you could feel love, I really honestly meant it because PTSD strips you of so many feelings and emotions and kindnesses. So, actually being able to feel love while having PTSD is no small deal (there's a lot of evidence to back that up on here, too)!

And, to be honest, focusing on you and your health very well may be the best thing for you and her and your future together. If you are honest with her and say you're going to work hard on yourself and would maybe like to stay in her life or come back in the future, and do the work, you will be in a much better position to have a real long-lasting relationship with her. Because without doing that hard work, no amount of roses or kind words is going to fix anything. Fixing yourself is showing how much you love her. So go focus on that, for yourself as well as her.

 

[jmm214407]

@bell And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you for that. That's exactly what I'm going to do... Really thank you for that. Gives me hope. Even if it doesn't happen

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Dr. Is very pleased with how I'm improving. A lot of it has to do with the this site.

My therapist also thinks this forum as helped me a lot. :)

 

[jmm214407]

So I let her go today. Was hoping for a better
Visit but now I must say positive and hope and pray she misses me while we're no longer in communication. My heart was is and forever be hers. This PTSD shit is no joke! The anxiety that it gives. I've never had anxiety before. I honestly feel I am getting better.

I thank all of you for your words and support. I cam only hope and pray that one day we will cross paths and maybe try to rebuild cause that's what I truly want. I do NOT want any other woman I only want her! Just want her to always know that no matter where we are or how far we apart we are I will ALWAYS be hers.

If she only knew that I haven't been lying to her since the day I swore I wouldn't and where my heart truly is maybe shed give me the chance to show her who I really am. KMC I love you baby and you will ALWAYS have my heart and soul!

 

[jmm214407]

@Snow_angel
Luckily I went back over to her house today. She had sent me some texts of questions last night I couldn't really understand. So I went over and we had a pretty good talk. We talked for about an hr and half close to two hrs. She still says she doesn't know if she can ever be with me again. But I have faith in our love. I'm going to work on myself and be the best man I can be. And I told her that one day I'd come back for her. In hopes that we can rebuild our relationship. She said don't bet on it. Lol but I have to do my best. I can't just get better and walk away. Gotta atleast try and maybe if we can't be together we can be friends. I've never loved someone so much as I do her! And I will continue to get better for me. And hopefully she sees the change. She looked so beautiful when I was there too! She was in pj's and hair all crazy but man she is the most gorgeous woman these eyes have ever seen.

 

[Snow_angel]

You sound just like my Scorpio...really, sincerely in love, when you are having a great day :) I really find it very nobel of you to use her as a motivating factor and put in the hard effort to better yourself. Most of us wake up with lots of room in our glass to buffer stress, each morning. Most with combat trained ptsd, from my understanding, have all the training, the ptsd and all the stressors (good and bad)...which leaves your glass almost full to start. My heart goes out to you. I think things sometimes happen for a reason. Maybe you need that good stress of her out of your glass for now, so that you can have more coping room for dealing with the other stuff in your glass... It is the hardest thing for me not to be communicative, even if he has made me promise never to change. I so just want to hug him. He doesn't think I saw the texts of his Facebook hookup. But, I did & it was over the top, written as though the words were a sniper bullet. We were talking about starting a family & this chick has two kids in the photo, with him stating that it would be more rewarding to be a step dad than starting a family with a manipulative farce. Yeah, quite the venom. I am not emotional and not taking it personally. Yet, I might be a while before I see how he is doing, etc. I am not a woman that is a submissive push-over type. I am tough. Assertive. I take care of myself with daily yoga, creativity, etc. But, untreated, I only see that getting worst, his duplicity. It is truly like Heaven & Hell in one package deal. Have a good night. I' m taking a day away from the internet tomorrow & plan to enjoy some fresh air :)