Really Struggling

[Fadeaway]

I am feeling very suicidal at the moment. I just want to stop feeling the way I do. I worry about doing it and what would happen to y husband and pets. But I have got to make this feeling stop somehow. I am thinking about just taking a bunch of sleeping pills, not to kill myself but just enough to knock me out for a while. I feel totally helpless in any way to make this feeling stop. It doesn't matter how much I try mindfulness or anything else, the painful emotions and panic are still there. It's the intensity that is killing me.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am experiencing similar thoughts right now and I hate that I am, but I so tired of the struggle. I am sorry I can't offer any more comfort than to tell you that you aren't alone in this struggle.

 

[oasis2003]

I can totally relate to feeling suicidal because you just want to stop feeling like this. Knowing that your family would really suffer if you did do it. It does not make it any easier to cope with the horrible feelings and yes struggle. I am sorry but I don't know what to suggest to make you feel better as I cannot figure it all out for myself. if it all gets too much for me I tend to totally dissociate.

 

[Deleted member 30850]

Flush the pills?

I have felt like offing myself several years ago; I stayed alive for my dog's sake, I had no family to speak of, either. I was lonely and had no hope.

Now, I have a family of my own and offing myself would have been the worst mistake I ever made!

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Fadeaway i have been where you are. I've had many times when I just couldn't rally by grounding. Sometimes I would knock myself out with my drugs, not enough to kill me but enough to put me to sleep. That sucks because then your prescription won't last and then you have to do without. I am glad to see that you are reaching out here. That shows that you are strong and understand that right now you are really overwhelmed. Having PTSD means that our moods tend to act like a pendulum-swinging too far from the mid zone in either direction. The truck is to shorten the swing so we don't get overwhelmed. Easier said than done though. I struggle with this too. I love my children and dog too much to actually kill myself. My therapist asked me to e-mail him when I am suicidal. This empowered me to think it through. Remember feelings come and go. They are just feelings. If you were in my living room I'd make you hot chocolate and Annie (my dog) would sit on your lap and comfort you. I'd put a comedy on the TV and we'd ride it out with you. Please hang in there.

 

[Fadeaway]

It's hard to know how to respond to the support I receive here sometimes, but thank you.

 

[Mit]

You've described exactly how I have felt so many times in the past. The intensity of the emotions often are a bigger struggle to cope with than what is triggering them.

I've not found a solution to this, although I have used medication in the past to try and dampen down the feelings.

But it does pass, in time, and I cling on to that knowledge in order to try and ride out the storm.

Thoughts of my family and the impact of my suicide on them have been instrumental in preventing me from self harm.

I've used the Samaritans in the past, by phone and email. I think just keeping talking helps me, as you are now. Keep talking and remember it will pass.

Your friends are here to support and care for you.

Mit