Reasons to live / things you want to do

Whirlwind

MyPTSD Pro
People talk about having a sense of purpose and i don't know what i think about that yet but i can think of some things I'd like to do.

I had a purpose, goals and simply put I lost them all. I have felt very lost without them and I can't reclaim them which devastated me. I really don't feel I value anymore to be blunt. So why I get up in the morning is the little things. I figure I can always "check out" but I do love a sunset, laying in a patch of sun through a window on a freezing cold day. I've mentioned this before but I reclaimed some things from my childhood, like learning to ride a bike. I feel most at peace when I am outside..... when I am climbing up a ridge somewhere...I sat quietly not long ago and a road runner popped up maybe 4 feet away from me and "talked". I had no idea they could make such noises! She may have been yelling at me but her language was amazing. I do my best to tread lightly on the earth so I figure I can take up some space to enjoy these things for no other reason than that.

All of them, star dust.

I loved what you said. I think science, nature is magic and as a "conclusion" still incredible.

@Lionheart777 its not stupid. Its actually beautiful you can think that way.

I "second" not stupid :-)

Best, Whirlwind
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
This is really hard for me. I use to have a ton of things I wanted to do, including travel and other things like horseback riding. Those are long gone, mostly due to health. I gave up my work as a counselor and lost self value from that...which has been really hard. However, recently I have had friends seek out advice (not counseling) but on healthy conflict resolution and am happy to help. I thought my skills would be rusty but they have been very successful with my help, and giving and helping others has always been a part of my life so that is a reason to live. Also, I am going to be a grandma in 2 months and am really looking forward to that.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
@Lionheart777 its not stupid. Its actually beautiful you can think that way.

I honestly have trouble with this. My family just got through things that would have been worse if I had died years ago. Beyond them I have no actual idea of why I'm still here.

I'm a wife and mother but those things didn't matter at all at the time of my attempt years ago. I haven't found my purpose to be. Because my family needs me just wasn't and at times still isn't enough.

I guess I still try because I occupy this body that is cared about more than I actually care about myself.

I'd love to say I have this lovely , beautiful vision of hope that i'll someday become. It probably would be amazing to feel that light and etc. I just haven't found it.

Two years ago I didn't, but when I wasn't being all that and everything as a peacemaker and caretaker, and I had to sit with me, alone, and figure out what is my purpose in life, I had to go looking......and I had to look at the spirituality piece to get a handle on what kind of individual I wanted to be.....There are times in my life that dysfunction snatched me up and it was easier to roll with dysfunction than leave it.....loss of boundaries......... but leaving dysfunction in my case erased me as a meaningful person.....and I Everything I had known revolved around family and caretaking....and I realized I hadn't done much caretaking of myself at all. Now, I'm searching.....trying new things, doing different things, figuring out what styles I like, what hobbies give me the most pleasure, and where I fit in, what feels good....but it has taken a long time. I think I started developing more hope....when I started actively looking, took better care of myself, tried new things, and worked on the spiritual end as well. Good luck securing hope.
 

Firefly

Not Active
So I had this thread

What do you do with the pain of not wanting to exist?

And now I want to explore reasons to live, things I want to do and figure out stuff in this area.

People talk about having a sense of purpose and i don't know what i think about that yet but i can think of some things I'd like to do.

Wondering what everyone else thinks about this sort of thing? Appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thanks :)

Reasons to live:
the birds that I see flying around are so beautiful and funny creatures. For the first time in my life I have seen a Pelican. I love this creature. This makes me smile. A bird that is so goofy looking and so graceful in flight.
This is a reason to live. To explore and learn new things.
So I guess for me a reason to live is to have a relationship with animals and connect to nature in this way. Connect with the divine, or God.
Trips I want to take to foreign countries is another reason to live. I want to explore and learn more. I need more time on Earth. This is why I live. Why I endure pain.
 

Ellabella44

MyPTSD Pro
Told my therapist about this thread. She would like for me to try to sit with the idea and see if I can find something through creative writing. My organization of symptoms and thoughts is rooms in a house and there is a tiny empty mouse sized room for this so far.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I think this part will pass @Liljoey, it can take a long time to heal PTSD. By posting here you can see how far you progress years down the road.

I love my little homesteading adventure, and I've met two new people who want to homestead. One guy owns a small farm up the road and his friend, M, who has become my friend keeps her chickens I gave her up on his farm. I am giving her another one but we can't catch it lol. It seems having a sense of purpose has led to me meeting others with the same purpose, and making my purpose even stronger. It started out with a small veggie garden and has progressed to new friends now.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I totally get it. I have been afraid to have friends up to now because of being used by people. I have been here since 2012, and I can see what great progress I have made. You are in the hard part now.
 

Liljoey

New Here
Thank you for sharing some of your hope :)
Throughout the day I just clung onto your encouraging words, and that awful “end it all” hopelessness is getting smaller and smaller. I’m realizing that there’s a strange and heavy feeling of grief that can come with realizing that you’re not yourself anymore. Grief is suffocating for a while, but it does eventually fade :)
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
So lively to read everyone's replies here, so much warmth and wisdom.

I would like to do more of what I love, and as you say @Tornadic Thoughts become more intimately acquainted with myself, love that.

I love the idea of a small holding as you describe @DharmaGirl though I feel quite intimidated actually.

I would like to go out dancing again when things are better. I think about the first dance after coronavirus often :)
 
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