Rebuilding alone

[Metropolitan Nomad]

Restarting at 47. Lived a lie for years, missed so much, so angry and so alone.

 

[Teddie]

I hope that anger can fuel you to be strong and overcome whatever you’re going through

 

[deno]

Restarting at 47, especially after feeling like so much time was lost, is heavy. I’ve been in a similar place—angry, grieving, and feeling like I was standing at ground zero with no clear path forward. What helped me was realizing that even though I couldn’t change the past, I still had the power to shape what came next.

It’s okay to grieve the years you feel were lost. But you’re still here, and that means there’s still time to build something real, something that’s truly yours. You’re not alone in this. Keep moving forward, one step at a time.

 

[PamelaS]

I hope that anger can fuel you to be strong and overcome whatever you’re going through

That is what I learned to do. Anger contains a lot of energy and when we learn to focus that energy in productive ways, it is powerful. Thanks for sharing Teddie.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I am not feeling anger but I am in the same boat at 69.It feels like my whole life has fallen apart and yet I landed in a beautiful place in which to rebuild in.

 

[arfie]

my last rebuild started 5+ years ago at age 65. seems like every time i rebuild, i do a better job of it than i did in the last go round.

anger channeling helps me manage the parts of rebuilding that royally piss me off.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I hope that proves true for me.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

The flashbacks are like sneak attacks. Any tenous link just brings it all back. I'm scared to think of anything.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

The flashbacks are like sneak attacks. Any tenous link just brings it all back. I'm scared to think of anything.

Oh ain't that the truth... It's like a tornado heading towards you. And you can tell it's coming and it will be bad and still really make it better. Just brace for impact, sort of...
But you are starting over. That will have ups and downs and everything in between for a long time. So flashbacks? They will be some of the downs. I crashed HARD in so many ways last summer and it was so excruciating. And I am now rebuilding since then. I am going to be 36 soon. That doesn't matter, starting over is always hard. I have some things I've improved, zillion things I've tried in efforts to get my life back- and I am still trying new things every day. Figuring out what works and what doesn't right now. Out of all I'm trying and doing, a few thigns stick. But the things that do, are the changes that matter. Still feels like it's a staircase of 100 or 1000 steps, and I'm on 4 or 6...
But oh well, it's still something.

Many days are... meh, but still, OK. Some days are good and hopeful. Some days the feeling I messed things so bad that there is no repairing them- it still comes back. And other days flashbacks come for whatever reason and I don't have time for it, but I take the time anyway because I have to. I guess what helps is knowing I have absolutely no reasoning in those days, everything will just look dark and impossible. And really the thing to do is to take it easy on myself- even if I don't have the time- and also to remember that it's like a storm. And eventually it passes and the days look more ... normal, at the very least.

For whatever it's worth, people in general, and the people in this forum, continue to impress me with how strong they are and how much they can overcome. Starting over is a long process but it's doable. I believe in you.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

I've had trauma therapy for a year now and I genuinely thought at first it was working but nope! I was stupid enough to think that there was a post trauma future for me. Whatever happens I know now and accept that I would rather be alone then be with people who make me unappy

 

[deno]

I hear that shift in your words, where the hope of healing meets the hard reality of what people have done to you. That kind of clarity is painful but powerful. Wanting peace enough to walk alone when needed. That’s not giving up. That’s choosing yourself.

You’re not stupid. You were brave enough to believe healing was possible—and you still are. Some of us have to rebuild from the ashes. That doesn’t mean we’re broken.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I've had trauma therapy for a year now and I genuinely thought at first it was working but nope! I was stupid enough to think that there was a post trauma future for me. Whatever happens I know now and accept that I would rather be alone then be with people who make me unappy

Therapy is a journey, not a process. It's still better that you started the process even if you aren't done and it feels messy now. Keep going.

Don't think of it in the way we think with medicine- I take this for X amount of time, then I will be fine. Think of it in terms of healing. Keep doing the therapy(work on your past), work on better present, on being healthy, on building support system and coping skills, on understanding what you want and don't want moving forward, work on your future too. You will be okay. Sometimes it takes longer than planned. Keep going.