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Recognising The Small Positives

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:sneaky: angel keeper. the problem with that is, I was brought up in a very conservative family, and having served in the Army I don`t have a friendly or positive outlook to drugs. I know people who do smoke, and a few have said I should maybe try it, even if its just to stop the anxiety. But I think its pretty much the same as Alcohol. It helps only for the moment, and has no long term effect.

And as I am trying to get away from using Alcohol as a crutch, I dont realy want to replace it with something that won`t help in the long term either. Besides, I live a in very rural village in Germany, and even the town has little to no drugs issues. So actualy getting it would be difficult. And as to going to Holland to get it, the border controls are still very active on that issue as it is still against the law in Germany to posses it. And in Holland the laws have changed as to who is legaly allowed to purchase it.

But thanks anyway :cool:
 
Here's one for me...I had a moment in which I could have blown up an argument:

I was cooking,(that alone should NOT have been happening!!) I had somehow been roped into doing the dinner, at least the chicken ,in my mind-:rolleyes:

So I get this bizarre meal to actually come out okay WHILE he manages to stop what he is doing and is chowing down on cookies and doing his (hand to God he does this-it's adorable, no lie!) little "happy dance" watching me fling food around and not go completely mad over it when I screw up. Somehow we get into it over something - name it and it's a REAL problem going on - but he starts picking out how I start sentences and stop them :O_o: ...really?~?!

I begin by telling him "....I always do this, I always will, it will NEVER stop...we are together all the time and this is what happens when people are together, they get on each others nerves."

He said I wasn't getting on his nerves -- MY interpretation: you don't know what you are talking about...(This girl HATES to be told that what she sees isn't real when she is looking right at it),time to blow a fuse,BUT I did not :)

I said dinner is ready,left,came back 5 minutes later and said let's eat..he said okay! :) It was over and we discussed issues as we ate.

I am proud of myself for making the choice to move ahead.
 
Smoking weed works for me too. I made friends with a man who was a Prisoner of War for years in some Sh!t hole in Viet Nam for years. He said it works for him. It even makes my stomach feel better when the other meds or Radiation therapy upsets my gut.
 
So after a few shit weeks where I managed to get nothing done, I've paid my credit card bill, finally called to get my records faxed over to my new pdoc, took a shower, made breakfast instead of just eating something quick and easy, emailed my students analysis prompts I've been promising them for two weeks, cleaned the toilet, emailed my prof to ask for clarification on an assignment, and emailed assignments to two fellow GTAs who wanted to use them for their courses.

I still have a long way to go today, though. Therapy at 3:30, 38 more papers to grade before tomorrow, figuring out their homework for the weekend, grading their latest assignment so they can better their papers due next week...

It's gonna be a long day but at least I haven't gotten locked in on anything or started watching any tv episodes online to kill time/calm down. Considering that's what my last week has been, that's a pretty damn big accomplishment.
 
As of the day before yesterday, I finally realized that I have been way too dependent on others for everyday survival. I put myself in their shoes. I saw the load that some were carrying. I dug myself out of the slimy trenches of depression and I made a reality check for myself. I saw things how they really were, not how I merely perceived them to be. My eyes were opened and I had a very serious "come to Jesus moment." So I made the conscious decision that I wasn't going to accept this depression or the effects of it. I made a plan of action and I have been incorporating that plan of action over the last few days. I've felt very liberated by my new decision and life has been better, (for everyone), because of it!
 
Taking a shower is an accomplishment & then you did al the rest? Fantastic! For me PTSD is about having lost control over events & I have control issues to start with, so getting some of that back, even like you describe feels great :)
 
Usually, I wake up with a feeling of "Ughhh...here we go, again...". I guzzle down a pot of coffee in an attempt to feel halfway awake, and then I'm pretty much dead inside from that point out. Of course,'for the sake of my daughter, I have become a pro at acting positive and spunky. But inside, I'm not. Some days are better than others, and some days are downright miserable. Especially if I'd had a night terror the night before.

Today I woke up very tired, as I worked very late last night and was woken up before 7 by a very energetic little girl! ;) As we settled in at the breakfast table, I had my cup of coffee in hand, and was pretty tired and groggy. My daughter was drawing pictures, and I was sitting with her, drinking my coffee and talking to her...our usual before-breakfast routine. She seemed to be feeding off of my tiredness, so I perked myself up and opened the bay window curtains at our table. Outside was a bequtiful scenery of fresh Montana snow, with flakes still gently falling.

I said to my daughter, "Isn't that beautiful? Look at whwt a beautiful day God gave us". She was very excited to see the new snow. I said "Let's thank God for this beautiful day, okay?" and my daughter replied, "I am already thanking him, in my heart". What a beautiful comment. Her simple, wonderful way of looking at life, coupled with her true appreciation for life seemed to re-awaken my true positive outlook. A weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I think today eill be a good day.
 
I am grateful for not only the snow and beautiful morning, but also for a morning filled with my daughter's wonderful presence. Sometimes, in the dismal world ai live in inside my head, I forget to be grateful for the smallest things, which actually are the bits and pieces of what makes every day great. This positive attitude today is a success for me. :)
 
Today for the first time in months, my husband went out on his own.

OK so not very far, and only to post a letter round the corner, 5 mins max. But he did it on his own no pushing from me, just coat, boots hat and gloves on and off he went.

Not bad from a guy who sufferers badly with the agoraphobia side of PTSD. He had told me a bit earlier he was sick of feeling so anxious and like a scared kid, every-time he has to step out of the door.
 
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