Lately I have been doing really good. I feel more in control of the PTSD symptoms and a lot of things have just fallen into perspective for me. My anxiety is down and I have been on a schedule and forcing myself to do something productive, even if small and minor, every day.
My fiance and I have decided to move the wedding up a year. We were aiming for 2015, but I am ready and so is he so it will be next year. My cousin (best friend) just moved back. She has been gone for a year and a half and all we have been doing is planning my wedding! It was hard being away from her for more than a year!
I have not been socially isolating. I have been wanting to hang out and be around people. I have some really close and dear friends. Although only a few, I feel complete with them around me. It helps me stay in the present and they make me laugh and feel safe.
Last time I was on here I was writing about being stuck in therapy. I have taking a break from therapy in order to actually heal and move on in the real world. Sometimes I need a break from it. When I feel ready I will call and make an appointment and keep an eye on myself to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to do in order to be happy. Right now it is important for me to be myself and not hesitate.
I have been reading some books on guilt and shame. They have helped me a lot. I read them before bed. There are some assignments in these books, I have not done them, but these are the kind of books that I will need more than once. I think that will be the next thing I work on.
For now I am enjoying the summer, my friends, even some of my family, my fiance, and life I have built for myself. I feel like I know myself better from all this stuff so I'm slowly but surely moving on. It is a work in process. I keep thinking of how I was 2 years ago and all the crap that has happened in between and boy I tell you, I am one tough cookie. I think I am like wine, I get better with age.
