Following a session with my T on Friday, Saturday was one of my worst days in a while - but I got through it, and I think I processed a lot during it. Today I achieved some things as a result, and I'm quietly hopeful it might be the start of me getting back on track.
1) I did my dishes. For the second time in a couple of weeks - last time they sat there for 2 months; my anxiety usually stops me doing anything - including basic housework.
2) I ate lunch - for the second time this week - I'm recovering form a pretty severe anorexic relapse at the end of last year, and although my weight is now back to normal, I struggle a LOT with eating well, and not purging.
3) I took the dogs for a walk - they appreciated it. I only manage to do this once or twice a week usually; my anxiety keeps me in a very small comfort zone (inside the house, online, or asleep).
4) I went back to the gym - first time since July last year - when my panic attacks and flashbacks came back. The gym has been a course of anxiety for me since the earthquakes (it has a low, thick concrete ceiling :eek:). I cancelled my membership last October when I was in relapse with my eating disorder. Going to the gym today was a self care thing - strong body, strong mind - it's a very positive step.
5) I bought vegetables and things to make DINNER. And not one binge food (I have not been to the supermarket and not bought binge foods for weeks and weeks!).
6) Made, and ate, ALL my dinner - I can count on one hand how many times since February I have managed to do this.
I'm feeling motivated to stay on track - main reason being my love for snowboarding. It's just under 6 weeks until I can go up the mountain. It will be my 3rd season in the sport - my first season did not go so well - a broken hand my 5th time up there, put me out for the rest of the season.
But last year, I went from novice to advanced intermediate and my skills definitely improved - no broken bones - and I LOVE IT.
I've made a pact with myself - I will only go up the mountain if I am not purging - when I broke my hand, it was in part due to my eating disorder. Last season I stayed safe because I had not been in my eating disorder at all, for several months. I also need to be able to go to the gym and get some fitness back in time for the season.
I've pulled my snowboard out from under my bed - I couldn't resist - I put my boots on and had a play on my board - I've left my snowboard out as a strong motivating factor to stay on track with my eating and physical health :)
