Undiagnosed Recovering From Long Term Emotional Abuse

[Rosedragon]

Hello. I'm a single mother of three teenage girls. Three and a half years ago, I left an emotionally abusive marriage of 10 years. It was my second marriage. My first marriage of 7 years was also emotionally abusive. I grew up with my mum being emotionally abused by my dad. So, the first 40 years of my life has been a cycle of emotional abuse.

I am now in the first healthy relationship of my life and it has been a slow process to learn to trust. He knows my ex and has a good idea of what I have been through. He is loving and supportive. However, he doesn't understand ongoing anxiety and panic attacks, having never suffered from this.

It has been recently suggested to me (by my mum) that I may be suffering from ptsd, following an anxiety attacked triggered by a flashback. I haven't been officially diagnosed and am reluctant to speak to my GP about it, as I feel that I won't be taken seriously.

I've read plenty on the net about it and have found a lot of comfort in what I have read. This forum is the first thing I have found that approaches the subject of dealing with the problem within a healthy relationship.

I am hurting my lovely man by making him feel as though I am feeling abused by him, or expecting future abuse. I have trouble discussing the subject of future commitment. It's not that I don't trust him because he has proved himself over and over. I don't trust my own judgement. I can deal with my own feelings, but how can I stop hurting him.

 

[TeddySue]

Maybe we live on the offensive since that is all we've known. My own life has been lived on the offensive because there has never been anyone who kept me safe but myself; but even my own protective barrier is full of holes that let in the unwanted need for another person to understand and care for ME. We push the limits, like pushing on a bruise to see if it still hurts. We ask, do you love me no matter what? And there is always that "no matter what." I don't seem to really trust anyone, therefore there is that small amount of distrust that is put on "them" without even wanting to. I understand what you are saying. We accept ourselves and our issues, but can't quite believe that someone else can. My judgement has come back to bite me many times in the past 62 years, so I just hibernate within myself and peer at the world from a safe place; to let someone totally into that space is scary for me and so I am constantly hurting others in my attempt to find out if "they" can be trusted not to betray me as others have so many times. In my life, I expect to be hurt, just as it's always happened before. I just push so hard to make the other person respond in the negative toward me so I get the first shot and can stand back and say, SEE, I knew this would happen.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

We can not tell you if you have it or not, we can't even suggest it as we are not doctors. Some people will have lots of abuse in there lives and will not develop PTSD.

The first thing I have to say is getting a diagnose is important. Knowing what you are dealing with, how to deal with it and being able to put a name to it, all help in your overall understanding of your illness. All help in the progress you can make.

Another thing is, unless insurance requires it, talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist not a GP. General practitioners are very limited in their knowledge of mental illnesses. Talking to a mental health professional will save you time in your healing process and you will get ultimately better care.

Take care.