Reeling from events

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Reading posts about positivity, trust, and more. I have had a lot of wonderful experiences with many people, been able to trust many and enjoy their company. Too many to list in one place.

Then something happens to break that trust, not everyone's fault but it has a lasting impact. Hard to know where, how or when to pick it up again.

Like some, cannot talk and share experiences with many, no way to know who deserves trust and who doesn't. Who will accept unpleasant things in life and who will look away. Have to start from scratch and work through it i guess, cannot trust no one. Need new ways of interacting to know who to trust. Between people trust is a two way street, positivity, sharing is the same I think.

Understanding is also important, how can you share something if the person you share with cannot understand. That can almost cause as much trauma for both people. Guess thats why there are therapists and peer to peer groups. Makes many things in life harder, like a friend said to me though, life is hard.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Also some positive experiences i dont want to share with everyone. Sometimes sharing them, voicing them, to the wrong audience.....

Looking forward to another person's answer on how to deal with some of this.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

@Ecdysis thinking about good and bad. Is it possible, when we're born we are 100% neutral. Oher people, social circumstances, location, cultures, world events, influence that throighout our lives. For example someone might have committed good acts, be considered a good person their entire life, but maybe was involved in what they thought was one thing but was in fact another. Maybe working on an energy source but it was put to weapons instead. Would that person then be bad.

Many good people commit bad acts because of perspective and experience, with a lack of understanding. A kind deed can come across very negatively if it affects someone in an unexpected manner..

Many people treated badly strive to be good, although affected by what has happened and happens to them, their behavior can be skewed and affected by other people's perceptions and behaviour. Responding to someone elses actions or reactions. Some trauma responses can make someone appear bad...

Many people here have experienced one person changing other peoples perceptions to something negative in relation to themselves. Does that make them bad because that group of people have formed an opinion?

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

F*ck Escalon triggered a memory.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

So maybe not the best idea to post this.

Might help someone though,

Pick a couple of short phrases or words like "I can do this", something motivational and positive. Repeat that to yourself whilst looking left to right 10-15 times. Repeat whenever you need or daily.

Find a line to follow or two points to look at, do it with your eyes closed even.

Its what inspired EMDR, simple way to motivate yourself or assist in more positive changes you might be trying to make.

Helps your brain to make new associations, doesn't work with a lot of things, should help if something is overwhelming.

Try and see what works, change the phrase if it doesn't seem to do anything, what negative thing do you say to yourself? try the opposite.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

@Ecdysis

Jesus f*cking Christ...

I'm watching this and it's like the secret insiders confessions of the ex-partner that utterly screwed me over...

I've been trying to explain this dynamic to people, to T's and never been quite able to grasp it...

And of course he was in 100% deny mode about any of it...

And now here's someone telling their story of how and why they did it...

And it's at once deeply validating to finally have it said out loud in clear as day language, and at the same time excruciatingly painful to finally have it spelled out in all it's horrific clarity...

These people are vampires...

I get it, they don't mean to be, but they are... They are soul sucking f*cking vampires...

Think I have been accused of that. Could not be further from reality for me. Drugged by someone else and injured i found comfort in places you should not. Someone to talk to and acts of kindness when I could find that nowhere else, it did become addictive but not for the reasons and in the way she says. Desperation for something other than pain but it did not stop the pain. Some of the things she says have been said to me. I was certainly on the receiving end of that though. Sorry you have been.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Also some positive experiences i dont want to share with everyone. Sometimes sharing them, voicing them, to the wrong audience.....

Personally, I’m discovering that I feel a lot of shame about having positive experiences, or being excited for things in my life… which seems paradoxical, because I don’t exactly want to be seen struggling constantly, either… Not entirely sure where it’s from, but some formative experiences or another have definitely hampered how open I can be with my joy, especially from certain sources/contexts/whatever.

Not sure if that’s helpful at all, but thought I’d share, in case it resonates at all.

Trust wise, I’ve found pushing through and dipping a toe in again, despite everything feeling “No!”, helps… not going the full hog, but engaging anyway, even though the previous experience with someone else was was painful, or left me feeling unsure. Small, little risks, nothing huge, helps the negative feedback not cement itself so hard.
It can take a lot of patience, to find the right time to ease into more personal conversations. It is worth it to develop that, though. And gradually putting in, what you want out of a relationship. I want to be able to be open with my close friends, and I try to be someone they know they can be open with, if inclined to be. Healthy relationships are two-way… I think part of the trust me and my couple of close friends have, is that they know that even if they find out something serious about me/how I’ve been, they won’t have to save me from it. And visa versa.

Completely ignore, if this is nothing useful.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

That's all very helpful. Does resonate with me too. I need to think on that...

Thank you

 

[Ecdysis]

@Ecdysis


Think I have been accused of that. Could not be further from reality for me. Drugged by someone else and injured i found comfort in places you should not. Someone to talk to and acts of kindness when I could find that nowhere else, it did become addictive but not for the reasons and in the way she says. Desperation for something other than pain but it did not stop the pain. Some of the things she says have been said to me. I was certainly on the receiving end of that though. Sorry you have been.

Hi Chris,
I'm not sure it works that way. There's always elements of everything in everything. So just because some elements seem similar, that's not proof either way. It could be, it could not be, it could partly be, I have no idea.
I've had to go on an incredibly long and painful journey to untangle the issues in my situation - to work out what is "mine" and what was "his". And I don't think there are short-cuts to this. I'm sure you'll eventually work out what was going on in your situation and be able to put it to rest one day.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Yeah you are right, your post about confessions of a seduction addict clears it up a lot. Damn, that's heartless, never done that or anything similar.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Some people on here so damn impressive. Thank you.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Don't ask, dont get. Lots i want to ask for.

Right now, what are the rules?
If you know what i have been through, going through, why not go to proper authorities?

I have been hurt, and being hurt, in ways that many can't or won't see. Accused and treated as guilty of things I have not done, some claim false memories, that goes both ways. Seems one rule for me, different ones for everyone else

Some people that have hurt me crossed a line, long before anyone else was involved.