Regrets Over Spilling My "secret" To Family

[PlainJane]

I'm Going to start by saying the people in my family I told about my diagnosis are not bad people. They weren't involved with those that hurt me and couldn't have done anything about it. They are loving people.

I had been really good at hiding everything. The self harming, panic attacks, nightmares. I had full intentions of keeping it that way. All for reasons the majority of you are very well familiar with.

I was in the middle of the panic attack at home. Words were flying, and I littrially spilled my guts to them. The second it came out of my mouth I regret it. I tried to reason with myself that it was in my head and that this was a positive step. Wrong!

It hasn't helped at all. It makes my symptoms worse. "This is no excuse. Why do you feel that way, that's stupid." Amongst other more inappropriate comments. I really feel like they are minamizing my feelings. They are outspoken people. I don't know what to do to fix it or make myself feel better. What do you think?

 

[Aqua]

@Jane1991 I had that happen my family reacted the same way. I'm sorry to hear that it happened to you. It's never easy when the people who are supposed to support you and help you through your suffering judge you and put you down. I avoided my family but even now I still get looked at funny sometimes. My moms boyfriend understands and I know my mom will come around soon. I hope. Good luck with your family and I hope it all goes well.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

That sort of reaction is like blaming someone for getting cancer. Why did you get cancer? Why would you do that? There's no excuse for getting cancer! Getting cancer is just stupid!

URGH! Its called a "DISORDER" for a reason!

People tend to fall into one of two areas....those who are sympathetic and "get it" and those who have no clue as they have never had emotional struggles in their pasts (at least not to this sort of degree).

We're not wallowing, we're not choosing to be this way. I know that for damn sure as I feel like I have two of me.....the REAL me that is a pretty great person and then there is the me that gets hijacked by PTSD. The hijacked me can only have symptoms minimized and I know that "me" can't just make it all go away.

PTSD is VERY much a physical disorder even though many people think it is "all in your mind." They don't know that they should be thanking their lucky stars that they don't have a disorder which hijacks the body and mind.... If I could let the naysayers simply FEEL what this is like for me for 10 minutes, they'd never doubt me again.

 

[shimmerz]

People SO don't understand PTSD. This whole, 'well if you would just get over it', mind over matter crap, disturbs me to no end.

 

[Beachlife09]

@Jane1991 You are certainly not alone in this. I have not told my family even half of everything that happened to me, but I regret telling them the things I did. Because of the reasons you said, and because it made them feel terribly guilty. Nothing like some good ol' family discord to help you recover, right?:rolleyes:Minimizing hurts very much. Know that nothing, not your trauma or your PTSD, is your fault. And as hard as it is (believe me I know), try to give your family a little bit of space and time to adjust too. They're people and make mistakes and say things that they may not really mean too.
Just make sure you're taking care of yourself as much as possible. You're healing for YOU not for anyone else :hug:

 

[WillyKat]

I'm sorry things turned out like this for you. It's difficult to tell how people will react, and when they either don't react or react badly, it really hurts.

Just a thought, which you may feel free to ignore, but put some distance between you and those family members that said the stupid things. Make sure they notice the distance. Sometimes, their own idiocy bounces around their head and they start to feel bad about what they said.

Having said that, be prepared for that not to happen too. In that case (again, just a thought) maintain the distance. They're your family and all, but you don't need that negativity in your life.

 

[garden]

@Jane1991 I am sorry this happened to you. Many of us have gone through similar reactions from family and friends. I have lost friends who simply do not understand what PTSD is, and they are not interested in finding out what it is either, so they just pass judgement and draw conclusions that are based in ignorance. Lately I have told myself that I am not responsible for other peoples perception of me, and my perceptions about myself are far more important. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[Kintsugi]

I would try to educate them by pointing to research validating that PTSD causes biological changes to your brain and health.

Neurobiological aspects of PTSD: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3182008/

Biological changes to the brain from PTSD: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14728092

The fact is that PTSD affects us biologically. Telling you to get over it is like telling an amputee to get over a missing leg and run already.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My abuser was in my family, and it took my parents the better part of a decade to realize that it was not something I could simply wish away.

Hugs if you accept them. Hopefully it will get better now that it's in the open, even if you do have regrets.

 

[garden]

@Simply Simon thanks for those links. I have mostly avoided reading about PTSD because it's kind of alarming, and upsetting, and I usually go into denial of some sort. These links are more clinical and somehow easier to read.

I have tried to find a book about PTSD that I could maybe give to my Mom to help her understand, but most of the ones I find are about combat, and I have never been to war. She's trying, but she's coming from a place of, " you can't let this keep you from living your life", which is hard to hear. This is my life. Intellectually I understand that she's coming from a place of ignorance, but it does not make it less painful.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I sincerely hope you find the support and encouragement you need in this forum. Unlike many friends and family, having peers who honestly do understand what you are facing, can share much more compassion and insight to help. Your feelings are valid and important. My motto is don't let the way others treat you change who you are or dictate your self worth.