Relationship after years of sexual abuse

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I start to really want to have a girlfriend. I need having that special kind of person with me.

Except the only romantic thing i had was one side love and being sexually abused by my brother.

I don't even know what I can handle.

Where do I start to work towards having a girlfriend in the future?
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I'm afraid of both sex because ptsd. But flash-back are way stronger with men. Also I had times where I broke a friendship because I was afraid this male friend could fall in love with me which was a terrifying thought.
In an other hand I wished two of my females friends would be willing to kiss me or want to date me and that didn't caused problems. Even the thought my lesbienne friend could fall in love with me was feeling nice

Also I'm deeply afraid of masculine genitals and felt my brother's becoming hard on me while he was abusing me

Also genders of people I tried something with always aligned with their sex so I can't say for trans people
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
In a near future befriending before dating men won't work I think because ptsd. So I'll try looking for nice girls

I
Yeah I misread. But appreciating myself will already takes forever
I wonder why you would rule out befriending men before dating them because you have PTSD? That seems to me to be denying half your sexuality and also assuming men are less likely to manage and women more likely to (the process of befriending/dating/PTSD)?

Maybe downloading another app and trying again might work? Sounds like two dates where one went reasonably ok (I can understand the misunderstanding about kissing with tongues or not) and the other less well. And in the dating world that sounds about right and usual?

Some dates will be horrendous, some will be fabulous. The great thing about dating is that : if you don't click with the person, you can leave. No harm done.

Edit to say: took me ages to write my post and saw you already discussed this with @OliveJewel
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I'm afraid of both sex because ptsd. But flash-back are way stronger with men. Also I had times where I broke a friendship because I was afraid this male friend could fall in love with me which was a terrifying thought.
In an other hand I wished two of my females friends would be willing to kiss me or want to date me and that didn't caused problems. Even the thought my lesbienne friend could fall in love with me was feeling nice

Also I'm deeply afraid of masculine genitals and felt my brother's becoming hard on me while he was abusing me
I answered here for why not dating men.

I tried again meeting apps but never could get another try yet

At the moment I'm more worried about is it a good idea to date someone in my current state ?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
At the moment I'm more worried about is it a good idea to date someone in my current state ?
Several ways you can work that out. And you don't need to answer these unless you want to
but you could ask yourself:
What do you want from dating?
What are you worried might happen?
If that happened, what strategies would you have to help cope?

Dating can start and stop at any time. So you can decide not to date, and then date, and then stop again, then start again. You can change your mind as many times as you like.

If you feel your not in the right state to date, what for you would be the right state? And is that a bar you are setting that is too high? Or is it an appropriate and kind one for yourself?
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
Several ways you can work that out. And you don't need to answer these unless you want to
but you could ask yourself:
What do you want from dating?
What are you worried might happen?
If that happened, what strategies would you have to help cope?

Dating can start and stop at any time. So you can decide not to date, and then date, and then stop again, then start again. You can change your mind as many times as you like.

If you feel your not in the right state to date, what for you would be the right state? And is that a bar you are setting that is too high? Or is it an appropriate and kind one for yourself?
I'll take time to think about everything you said
Thanks
 
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