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Relationship after years of sexual abuse

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Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I start to really want to have a girlfriend. I need having that special kind of person with me.

Except the only romantic thing i had was one side love and being sexually abused by my brother.

I don't even know what I can handle.

Where do I start to work towards having a girlfriend in the future?
 
I'm afraid of both sex because ptsd. But flash-back are way stronger with men. Also I had times where I broke a friendship because I was afraid this male friend could fall in love with me which was a terrifying thought.
In an other hand I wished two of my females friends would be willing to kiss me or want to date me and that didn't caused problems. Even the thought my lesbienne friend could fall in love with me was feeling nice

Also I'm deeply afraid of masculine genitals and felt my brother's becoming hard on me while he was abusing me

Also genders of people I tried something with always aligned with their sex so I can't say for trans people
 
In a near future befriending before dating men won't work I think because ptsd. So I'll try looking for nice girls

I
Yeah I misread. But appreciating myself will already takes forever
I wonder why you would rule out befriending men before dating them because you have PTSD? That seems to me to be denying half your sexuality and also assuming men are less likely to manage and women more likely to (the process of befriending/dating/PTSD)?

Maybe downloading another app and trying again might work? Sounds like two dates where one went reasonably ok (I can understand the misunderstanding about kissing with tongues or not) and the other less well. And in the dating world that sounds about right and usual?

Some dates will be horrendous, some will be fabulous. The great thing about dating is that : if you don't click with the person, you can leave. No harm done.

Edit to say: took me ages to write my post and saw you already discussed this with @OliveJewel
 
I'm afraid of both sex because ptsd. But flash-back are way stronger with men. Also I had times where I broke a friendship because I was afraid this male friend could fall in love with me which was a terrifying thought.
In an other hand I wished two of my females friends would be willing to kiss me or want to date me and that didn't caused problems. Even the thought my lesbienne friend could fall in love with me was feeling nice

Also I'm deeply afraid of masculine genitals and felt my brother's becoming hard on me while he was abusing me
I answered here for why not dating men.

I tried again meeting apps but never could get another try yet

At the moment I'm more worried about is it a good idea to date someone in my current state ?
 
At the moment I'm more worried about is it a good idea to date someone in my current state ?
Several ways you can work that out. And you don't need to answer these unless you want to
but you could ask yourself:
What do you want from dating?
What are you worried might happen?
If that happened, what strategies would you have to help cope?

Dating can start and stop at any time. So you can decide not to date, and then date, and then stop again, then start again. You can change your mind as many times as you like.

If you feel your not in the right state to date, what for you would be the right state? And is that a bar you are setting that is too high? Or is it an appropriate and kind one for yourself?
 
Several ways you can work that out. And you don't need to answer these unless you want to
but you could ask yourself:
What do you want from dating?
What are you worried might happen?
If that happened, what strategies would you have to help cope?

Dating can start and stop at any time. So you can decide not to date, and then date, and then stop again, then start again. You can change your mind as many times as you like.

If you feel your not in the right state to date, what for you would be the right state? And is that a bar you are setting that is too high? Or is it an appropriate and kind one for yourself?
I'll take time to think about everything you said
Thanks
 
So about a week ago I found someone who proposed a WhatsApp group for lesbien. I joined it because it seems to me that the first step into a gay relationship is to make know your attracted by same sex.

So I joined and said I have no experience. There are joke about sex here and there bur today everyone showed their toys and I felt triggered but I used to self harm by reading bdsm-like rape.

I feel unsure I'd can actually fit in that group because the women talking in the group are very open with sexuality.

I'm afraid I'll be put aside because my complet lack of consented experience
 
So about a week ago I found someone who proposed a WhatsApp group for lesbien. I joined it because it seems to me that the first step into a gay relationship is to make know your attracted by same sex.

So I joined and said I have no experience. There are joke about sex here and there bur today everyone showed their toys and I felt triggered but I used to self harm by reading bdsm-like rape.

I feel unsure I'd can actually fit in that group because the women talking in the group are very open with sexuality.

I'm afraid I'll be put aside because my complet lack of consented experience
I'm sorry the group feels a little exclusionary with the sex talk. If it helps any, in my experience the people who keep talking about sex like that are usually just all talk.
You have every right to be in a lesbian or woman loving woman space regardless of whether you've had no female lovers or more. If anyone judges you on that, it says way more about them than it does you.
Is there a more cultural woman loving woman space to join? Where I live there are loads of groups, like online book clubs, or poetry, or crafts, or music,or sport groups. Something that centres around an activity?
 
They were just surprised. But I'm afraid they won't think about me like a possible girlfriend anymore

And I live in a very small country so not many places like that around. And 80 of people of my country speaks a language I can't stand for unknown reasons
 
They were just surprised. But I'm afraid they won't think about me like a possible girlfriend anymore
Everyone has their first relationship. And people come out at all ages, so I'm not sure what they are surprised about. When I first came out I thought everyone was way more "gay" than me and I felt intimidated. But, over time I realised that everyone is the same with the same worries and fears.

If you don't want people knowing these personal things about your experiences, you don't need to share anything that you don't want to.
 
It's too late now. And I have no experience at all really none. And I'm 29. I'm feeling like it's over I'll never have neither girl or boy friend
 
It's too late now.
Too late as they know that you haven't had a sexual relationship? These people know, but not all people. You have control over what you say to people. You can tell them whatever you like. You are more than a sexual relationship.

And I have no experience at all really none. And I'm 29. I'm feeling like it's over I'll never have neither girl or boy friend
It's ok to not have sexual experience. Totally ok.
You aren't the only one.
You are 29. If you live to 100, you got 70 years of sexual relationship possibilities ahead of you!
If that's what you want.
It's actually also ok to not have sexual relationships. Some people are asexual. Some people have higher or lower sexual urges. There is no 'normal'.
So just be you.
 
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