Relationships and triggers

[BlueWeepingRose]

I trust my boyfriend and I know he wouldn't hurt me. He loves me and he continues to see me. Sometimes I fear that I'll end up getting hurt again. This happened to me after I got out of an relationship with my abusive ex who gaslighted and manipulated me.

My boyfriend is not my ex and I continue telling myself that. Each time I see a message from him, I can't help but smile and I'm always upfront and honest with him. That's the one thing he wants more than anything is honesty. Anytime I'm stressed out or sad, I do tell him.

Sometimes in the back of my mind I think he's going to hurt me and it only happens every so often when I'm triggered by something. When the triggers happens I listen to ambient music since it's the only thing that seems to relax me. After I was abused, I was very paranoid, depressed and full of anger. Hopefully things will get better overtime.

I'm planning on talking to him about this because I'd like him to know about my fears and worries. Once when I was sad, he already knew why I was sad and knew I was thinking of my childhood and how I was sexually abused by my father. Know this is why I ended up being with an abusive guy in the end and my boyfriend is none of those things which I'm thankful of.

When I was sad, he said in a very low voice, I hate seeing you sad. Try not to think about it. He's the only person who knows the truth about how I am deep down. Just hate the triggers and thoughts I get. :(

 

[EveHarrington]

Can I ask what kinds of responses you are looking for? I'm not quite sure how to respond. Do you have a question, need support, or....? Thanks!

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

I'm looking for support mostly. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I'm looking for support mostly. Thank you.

You definitely have my support. My bf can be triggered and I'm unaware of it. I'm learning to recognize the signs, but it's still a little difficult. When I see the signs, I speak in a very low tone and I just try to remind him that it's going to be alright followed by a long embrace and back rubbing. When we speak on the phone, I'm constantly celebrating him and his achievements in life; I'm finding that it works a lot. Early in the relationship ptsd was new to me and I didn't know how to handle it, but after researching and joining this forum, it helped a great deal. Don't get me wrong, there are still some very dark days that have me frustrated with him and I'm not sure how to reconnect, but for the most part, as long as he's trying, I'm trying because I truly do love him with all my heart.