Dom Violence Religion And The Domestic Violence Which It Brings

[LuckyDuck]

I was raised in a devout Bible following cult (considered a religion in my country, but more a cult than not). There were so many verses told to me that gave the 'okay' to kick the crap out of kids by their parents that I thought it was normal with childrearing. They even had it written in their hymns.

My parents never did it to each other but they did it to me and my sister. It was like "Kids, obey your parents. They can do whatever they want."

I was proud when I finally defended myself against my mother. I was told I was going against god. That mattered little to me. I took it upon myself to do it as no one else would. The laws may be different from country to country but it was pretty clear cut in my situation. No one should have to go through it at any age.

At this point in my life, I feel more anger than anything when that part of my past haunts me. I'm not certain if I should be angry at my parents or the religion or both. It's never clear.

 

[LuckyDuck]

The title should be "Religion and the domestic violence that it can bring". I've encountered some religions that wouldn't hurt a fly.

 

[littlelotte]

I'm really sorry you went through this. I grew up in a very religious family; my parents were wonderful and would never hurt anyone. But, my older brother was a different story. He, too, was a very devout Christian growing up, but he also had a dark side.

At this point, I have come to terms with the fact it is not religion in my case, because what he was doing is condemned by it. I still have issues with God though. I've spent some time talking to a pastor, trying to work through my issues with God but without much success so far.

My anger is with my brother, and the people I told who chose not to believe me. I'm working through the anger so I can get to a healthier place.

In your case, anger toward the cult/religion would makes since. It was what your parents were following. But they are not completely innocent. They chose to follow, even though most would in a cult like situation. Working to understand where your feelings are coming from and who they are directed at can really help with working through them and healing.

Best of luck!

 

[Kupo_Nut]

I feel that you definitely did the right thing by going against the 'religion'. Your parents were very wrong to treat you as they did no matter if it was done in the name of 'faith' or not. Some people hide behind that sort of cult 'religion' to give a sense of justice for wrong acts like abusing children, saying that if the laws of the 'religion' say it is fine to do so, then it's giving them permission to. These ideas can warp people's minds and even brainwash them, that does not excuse them, it may just give a reason for their behaviour.

These sorts of 'religious' groups get people joining them who want to feel empowered or better than others, they may preach hatred and get people to follow bad traditions that result in the suffering of others in some way.
Don't forget that hatred and inflicting harm can give people a sense of purpose, no matter how wrong that sounds, they feel as if they are getting something good out of it, the more it's rewarded, the more they'll do it. That is the sad truth.
It is the opposite of what some 'actual' religions try to teach people, but even these can get tainted with prejudice and hate because it is far easier to preach hatred to some people than acceptance, empathy and kindness.
Also, religion should NEVER be forced onto someone, it can be taught and guided well, but the only way to get anyone to be religious is to give them the information and to let them decide, everyone has a choice and belief can never be forced onto people without them suffering. I don't know if they tried to force it on you or not but it is generally the case with these cults.
Sadly, this is why religion can go so badly wrong and I'd always encourage people to be cautious about their own beliefs, if it harms anyone physically or mentally, it's not a faith it's a danger in my opinion.
I'm not sure if I've said anything helpful, it is an important subject to try and understand. I'd put more blame on the Bible based cult than your parents, by what you've put, it seems it was trying to justify the unjustifiable in the name of God, and that can have a powerful harmful effect.
I understand your anger, convincing yourself it was wrong is important and that you can now see the truth of how wrong it is/was.

 

[Kintsugi]

It's okay to hold your parents responsible for their actions, even if they were also victims of the broader, systemic influence of a cult. Cults are thought reform movements, but that doesn't absolve their agency, and your anger is valid.

My primary trauma was abuse from an older brother. He was also a used by a foster brother. I'm still angry at him, even though I can understand the influence.

You can PM me any time about coercive persuasion or cults. I never belonged to one, but I may have valuable resources for you as I've spent my life researching this phenomenon.

 

[LuckyDuck]

I guess it's both then. Thanks y'all. I appreciate.

 

[Kintsugi]

People say "y'all" in Canadia? :P

I think the heart of the matter in my perspective is that you have a right to your own truth and your feelings about that truth. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. It's a thought that has helped me cope with my conflicted feelings about blame and agency.

 

[LuckyDuck]

Yes, if your family has dual citizenship with the States.

Yeah, it makes sense. I can be angry with one at one time, and angry with the other at another time. Truth is a four-sided coin, unfortunately.

 

[Ronin]

I relate. My parents were different religions, different takes on religions, different levels of strictness they adhered to were causing strife and interpersonal relations weren't all that good for either of them, even though I wish to remember it differently most of the times because remembering them is at times still a sense of home when nothing else is home. Truth maybe doesn't purify, but at times clarifies & brings closure.