Repeating words and falling apart after session

[Justmehere]

She’s very direct and to the point generally. No putzing around. Things lately feel a little dismissive sometimes in general with her. Is she actually dismissive? Probably not. I think she is actually trying to be more comforting and close, I numb out and it’s frustrating me. She notices the wall and actually validates the struggle well. But even in session yesterday, being comforting lead to all this... argh.

In this case, nah, not dismissive. She knows it’s not a crisis but that I’m just kinda grasping at straws.

 

[Fadeaway]

I do this as well in very specific situations. I have a question for you, when in this state, do you find it more difficult to recall names of people or things?

It may be a method of self soothing. The repatriation and consistency could be calming, if you didn't find it distress full.

@barefoot my friend who has PTSD, OCD and tourettes has sad it's more of an OCD thing than tourettes.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @Fadeaway - that’s interesting to hear. It certainly does feel quite compulsive once it takes hold.

@Justmehere it sounds like your session was really hard and churned up some difficult historical stuff. So, maybe it makes sense that you are now (temporarily) caught up in this historical behaviour.

Sounds like your therapist trying to comfort you/get closer to you has triggered a major fear in you. I hope you can find some effective ways to self-soothe until things settle and until your next therapy session.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks @barefoot for the support.

It was the words “I’m here to help...” brought up so much pain. All she was trying to do was help me.

I am really discouraged that it scared me so much I went back to being in that place again that I was in as a kid.

 

[barefoot]

I sometimes find that when I hit a blocker in therapy and feel that I take steps (giant leaps!) backwards, it actually turns out to be that I’m on the precipice of a breakthrough. Or that, at least something new is emerging. Or something that I hadn’t really faced into is now calling for my attention because perhaps I am more ready to look at that now. Or to revisit it and take a look at it if I have touched upon it before.

I don’t know if that will ring true with you or not. But there does seem to be something in it for me? Often, the times when I am getting frustrated with myself or feel disappointed with myself for going backward because I thought I was better than that in some way now...generally means something is shifting. And that shift and process is always very hard and very painful and shakes all kinds of shit up. But it does actually represent forward momentum, ultimately.