Childhood Repressed memories of child on child sexual abuse resurfacing

[aphr0ditus]

So, a couple of weeks ago, I was going through my closet and I found my journal from fifth grade (I was ten). I flipped through it and read a few entries but stopped when I got to a date in November (I don't know the exact date all I wrote was "Tuesday November, 2009"). In that entry, I wrote about what this boy in my class did to me (I'm sorry I don't feel comfortable giving details) and as I kept reading date after date, entry after entry, every act of abuse he did to me came flooding back to me. Lately I've been really freaked out about this and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I bring it up to my therapist or my mom, they won't believe me because I didn't tell anyone when it was happening. I know that this is something I need to process to work on recovering but... I don't know I'm so scared. Can someone help me or offer advice?

 

[hermione]

I understand what you are going through I have recently remembered things I did not and I did tell my therapist who truly believed me and has been very supportive my family doesn't want to hear it but my situation is kind of complicated at the moment with that but therapist are good it took me a long time to disclose this just a little while ago and it happened years ago like me I said a therapist is a good resource she doesn't doubt me at all .

 

[Zurrealx98]

Definitely tell your therapist so you don't have to deal with it alone. I had the same thing happen about a year ago and slowly you accept that it did in fact happen. Believe yourself because you do have tangible proof (diaries). A child wouldn't make that kinda stuff up unless there was something else seriously wrong going on in their life or brain. Either way it's worth sharing with your therapist.

As far as your family goes, that's a judgement call. I've told about four people my entire life including my father. He believed me but basically told me to forget about it and move on and not tell anyone else. He also didn't understand why I was bringing it up so many years later (I'm 18 and the abuse occurred around 4-6 yrs of age). Everyone else believed me too except for one person who thinks I imagined it. I'm telling you all this to prepare you for the types of responses you might get. Sometimes it's better to tell people and other times it's better to keep it to yourself. It just depends on your relationship with your mother.

Also if you ever are in need of someone to talk to you can always message me.

 

[Kintsugi]

I agree with everything @Zurrealx98 said. I didn't have diary entries, just memories I thought were dreams. I told someone about the dreams one time, and he just sort of stared at me and said "Why would a little girl dream about that?"

He wound up being right. I slowly started to trust my memory. I disclosed about a year later, and my disclosure was corroborated by my abuser (brother), who confessed.

I'm lucky I was able to get a confession. My mother still didn't believe me for a couple of years or so in spite of the corroboration. It has done irreversible damage to what was already a tenuous relationship. Ten years later, I'm finally getting to a place with my mother where I'm starting to accept her and she seems to have accepted me--PTSD and all. But it was a very hard road.

My T on the other hand believed me immediately, and this trauma disclosure is how I got my PTSD diagnosis. She had suspected it all along but never had any critA trauma to go off of.

I guess I'm just expounding on how much I agree with Zurreal. It's a hard road, but uncovering those memories is a major first step in addressing the trauma.

 

[ladee]

By all means share with your T.... take your diary with you if you are not ready to say things out loud.... I have heard very few stories of a T not believing us.... that's why we are there after all. And they know things surface in their own time... it was very brave for you to share with us and you have our support.... hope things go well when you share.... we believe you...
Gentle hugs for the pain you are in...if you accept.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I slowly started to trust my memory. I disclosed about a year later, and my disclosure was corroborated by my abuser (brother), who confessed.

this is one way in which I was lucky, also. Well. Lucky is a relative term of course, but honestly, it was extremely helpful to have these things confirmed and not think I was an evil person making up horrid stories about someone I loved very much.

 

[palistrus]

I agree with everything @Zurrealx98 said. I didn't have diary entries, just memo...

"why would a little girl dream about that".... really hit me hard but very true. this is very validating