General Resentment

[lynruss]

I'm having some real resentment issues with my PTSD husband. It has to do with him not being able to work. I know in my logical mind what I see him go through and what I've read about how difficult it is for them to work, but at times I still get very frustrated and anxious when I don't seem to make enough to pay the bills and put food on the table. He is in therapy and seems to be doing better. He has taken a new interest in playing his music and that is promising. However, that is all he thinks and talks about. There are times that I think , if he can do all this, why can't he work? I need some help with understanding and accepting this.

 

[jmni]

I know there were phases when I was basically useless. I might as well of been on disability. I don't really like to defend people for not paying their way because I think it's wrong. Although in my case I know it is just a part of life. I guess I hate the idea that I don't know this person and he could be using you, even though I don't know you personally, because I know that there are people who do this.

He could try to find some way to provide. There is some work from home and there are things like manual labor. He could admit to having ptsd or anxiety at a new position and get fmla if he is having a really bad day. How severe is his ptsd?

 

[Sweetpea76]

As a supporter, it's easy to resent your sufferer at times. I think most of us probably have moments where we resent them, or at least their PTSD-selves. Nobody can be 100% sympathetic and perfectly selfless all the time. It is also hard to understand how they function and what they can or cannot do. I struggle with this myself, and I find myself being constantly educated by my sufferer, or on this forum.

My vet cannot work either, but I know he wants to and struggles with that. He cannot deal with people, he cannot handle stress, and he has a hard time making decisions. All of that makes him incapable of having a regular job. Like your husband, he does have a hobby though, and he finds that working with his hands relaxes him and keeps him from sitting around vegetating and getting depressed. Maybe your husband's music thing is like that?

 

[lynruss]

I am sure his music is his refuge. My resentment often turns to guilt. I know logically that he has an illness, he can't work. But when I see that we are struggling financially and often times he looks fine ( knowing that he really isn't) is difficult for me. I love him and want to support him. I need strength.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's easy to feel guilty and selfish too. :( You are allowed to have negative feelings at times. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. Sometimes you have to process up from all these negative emotions to a positive place.