Childhood Resurfaced memories/fake memories/ dreams - i don't know...

[Scott88]

Evening all,

I have posted a few times on here about a few things... but here is the top and bottom of it, my head is a mess... I recently gave birth well I say recently pretty much a year ago, but it feels like it was very recent... since my son was born I have had these 'memories/false memories/ old dreams' resurface and cause me horrendous pain.. anger.. emotions.. hurt.. everything.. I know a couple of the memories are true I remmeber them happening..but I managed to shut them out for 20 years but since my child been born I can't shut them out and the images and memories/fake memories/ old dreams are getting worse and causing me real hurt.. but what I'm seeing now I don't want to belive happened.. I want it to be my messed up mind making it up.. but I don't know if it is.. it's killing me.. I started therapy and I've been diagnosed with ptsd. I just don't know what to think.. everything is f*cked up in my head.. I've had awful body tremors and feelings and sensations happening and the amount of anger and hurt is killing me.. I am so scared for my child to grow up and be hurt in the same way I was by anybody in the world in these 'fake memories/ dreams whatever they see. I am petrified.. my T started EMDR and it caused awful awful amounts of pain and made me worse... my t stopped EMDR due to my reaction so I failed doing it how else can I get better how can I get all this to stop... I would appriciate somebody to help did this Happen to me or is everything I'm seeing is my f*cked up mind making it up. I feel so lost

 

[Bristol]

I dont know if itll help but my T always saying to me, "what do you have to gain from making up memories?" There is nothing in it, equally the fact that you have diagnosed ptsd, that doesnt come from making things up. In my case it takes a lot to face that this stuff happened because its easier to believe it didnt, i dont think im explaining myself very well but i hope you get where im coming from!

 

[EmmyC]

I have noticed that a lot of my "fake memories" are sometimes due to someone else convincing me they are true. To break that cycle I write down in a diary what I know is true for a fact so that way those memories are not tampered with. I don't often re-read them but if i get nightmares i do just to reassure myself of what is fake and what is real. I hope you the best and hope you can find peace of mind soon.

 

[Scott88]

Thank you I will give that ago if I can bring myself round to writing them down

I appriciate your reply