Rough Day Thread...

[Sweetpea76]

It's still fairly early... is today day 4?

 

[Pippi427]

No today is the start of day 5

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'd see if he responds to the email... maybe time just got away from him. If he doesn't respond, then start thinking about the next step.

 

[Pippi427]

Would it be inappropriate to have one of our mutual friends check on him?

 

[Freida]

Would it be inappropriate to have one of our mutual friends check on him?

That's tricky. As a sufferer there is a thin line between sending someone to check on me because I lost track of time and sending someone to check on me to spy on me. LOL - yes, I know that's not what you are doing, but it could be what I felt if hubby did it.

Perhaps you could put in your email "It's day 5 - not sure if you've lost track of time or what but I'm concerned that you are safe -- if you don't want to talk that's ok - but please send me an "I'm fine" or I'm going to ask (someone close to HIM) to check on you." That might light a fire under his butt -- especially if he just lost track of time.

 

[Pippi427]

First of all for me, I went running...it's just dang hard when you're depressed and it's HOT AF here. I realized I'm dehydrated from living on nothing but tea and crackers for the past few days.


In my email I said I was worried because he hadn't talked to me and it was day 5. I sent him a simple "U ok?" text that went unanswered yesterday. I know things are hard for him. His divorce is finalized in 10 days. He had to reposes his ex's car because she quit paying on it and the State screwed up his child support deduction. I know he's stressed out. But that was our agreement.

I'm doing everything I can. Getting someone close to him is tricky. I am literally the closest person in town to him. His ex wife has his kids most of the time. She is awful to him and I wouldn't go there.

 

[Pippi427]

Nothing from him yesterday. I see him logging in to social media, but I have not bothered him there. I know a bad anniversary is coming up. I just wish he would have let me know if he didn't want to be together any more. Is that so wrong to want?

I am going to spend my day reading up on enforcing boundaries...albeit with tears in my eyes.

 

[Pippi427]

Nothing from him yesterday. I see him logging in to social media, but I have not bothered him there. I know a bad anniversary is coming up. I just wish he would have let me know if he didn't want to be together any more. Is that so wrong to want?

I am going to spend my day reading up on enforcing boundaries...albeit with tears in my eyes.

But this is tricky. This week is the 1 year anniversary of him losing his job and filing for divorce after his wife called the cops on him. Part of me wants to back off and wait, the other part of me wants to cry and demand respect for the boundary we had agreed to. Maybe I just need to get in to my therapist instead.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Anniversaries are rough. You may have to decide how "hard" the boundary is. Is this a deal breaker? Is there room for compromise when there are legitimate special circumstances? Is he willing to communicate and work with you? Will this behavior always bother you and make you feel this way? It's hard to make these decisions when he is incommunicado and you're emotional.

 

[Pippi427]

Yes, I'm emotional. I'm trying to decide if he's trying to send me the message if we are over. It's hard to tell when he won't talk to me. We had no fight or cross words.

 

[Pippi427]

And thank you for caring enough to talk to me about this @Sweetpea76

 

[Freida]

ahhh....there's an anniversary. That makes more sense now. This is one of the best explanations I've read to explain those clusters
Dead Link Removed

When I'm in an anniverary reaction pretty much everyone in my life just dissapears. A part of my brain knows they are there -- but I don't "see" them. Some only last a couple days, but I lose the entire month of January to my big one. And when I'm in it? I could care less that my supporters are worried or needy or anything else. I'm too busy trying to stay alive. So if he's ignoring you for one of those? Whole different ball game. You may just have to let it run it's course and set rules later for the next one