Rough Day Thread...

[Friday]

Hush. It’s August. Until October. September has been cancelled this year.

Seriously... in my head it’s the 27th or 28th. Of August.

Except for when it’s march. Because my bestie had her baby in February, and it’s been about a month since then, right? Right.

:whistling:

Time used to be linear. I remember when time was linear. I still THINK time is linear, but somehow it’s both March & August of (I’m refusing to look a the calendar) but given the above convo I’m pretty sure it’s not. Just refusing to confirm. I’ll figure out what day it actually is when I feel better. Until then it’s just the Umpteenth of Guilt. Nope. Too tired to deal with guilt right now.

 

[LuckiLee]

My guy doesn't even need to know the date. Nine out of ten times when his symptoms spike, it's usually an anniversary coming up. It's subconscious. He's had "episodes" in the past and with help from his T's can pin point the event and kinda sorta process it. With meltdowns and nightmares and anger... Oh my! Just remember it has nothing to do with you. (LuckiLee, you gotta remember that too!) It's hard. But we're here and we'll do what we can to help you through this. ✌

 

[LuckiLee]

Love you @Friday!

 

[Freida]

Oh crap that's right. Then veterans day .....heavy sigh..

Nine out of ten times when his symptoms spike, it's usually an anniversary coming up. It's subconscious.

My brother from another mother....:laugh:

 

[Pippi427]

I know it’s not me. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I just really love him and I miss talking to him. It literally feels like I’ve been deleted from his life. First two months of dating I could see that but we’ve been together for nine months why would you do that? Please give me some warning that you need space. Is this some kind of cruel test? Every morning I do the same thing I get up and I checked my messages. Then I check social media to see if he’s been on to give me some indication if he’s even alive. He’s not posting anything he’s just browsing and reading.

 

[Pippi427]

Last time he did this it lasted 2 months. I guess I just thought he wouldn’t do it that bad again. Am I just supposed to wait for two months for him to talk to me again or are we broken up I really don’t know. Yes still in shock.

 

[Freida]

Please give me some warning that you need space.

we often don't know when we are going to need to isolate, so we don't get any warning to pass on. I know I have general anniversary times that will be bad, but can't pinpoint when it will happen. Friday caught me off gaurd - -so I cancelled plans we had for almost a month with less than 12 hours notice. I feel crappy about it - but there it is.

I guess I just thought he wouldn’t do it that bad again.

Isolation is part of the illness. It could be this bad, it could get better, it could get worse. Getting treatment helps understand why I'm doing it - but it doesn't stop it.

Am I just supposed to wait for two months for him to talk to me again or are we broken up I really don’t know. Yes still in shock.

That's up to you. Read the supporter diaries. They all talk about this --- leave or go...stay or dont, etc. It's life with a ptsd supporter. And honestly I dont know how they do it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I can usually tell when mine needs to isolate... he has "quirks" when he's stressed that I recognize. He'll at least alert me to the fact that he's not feeling great. I take that as my cue... "he's gonna shut down soon ". He does check in, but it's not an agreed upon schedule. It's he knows if it's been a few days he needs to let me know he's alive, and I agree not to engage him in conversation. I'll just send him and "x" or kiss emoji. He usually goes less than a week. If he was incommunicado for weeks or months I wouldn't stick around, and he knows it.

I don't even bat an eye now. That's just how he is. He feels better when he comes back, and giving him that space and not making an issue of it is the most loving and helpful thing I can do. I use his isolation periods as "me time" to do shit that I like and he doesn't... concerts, crowds, shopping, etc. And I honestly, truely, don't take it personally or feel hurt.

This routine took a little while... we both had to get the hang of it. I had to compromise, he had to compromise. We had to adjust for reality a few times. Then we both had to get comfortable. It took a few years minimum.

 

[LuckiLee]

J and I live together so he can't really isolate like everyone else does. When I see when sh*t is gonna hit the fan? I create the space he needs. I'll do my own thing with family or friends. He goes fishing to isolate and usually just in the backyard. He had a bad night with his brother last night and he just said he's gonna shower and go for a drive. I'd rather him do that than stay here and get all pissy. That's not fair to me or him. I have no idea if I'd still be here if he took off without a word. And for weeks at a time? Nope. No way!

 

[LuckiLee]

Either you're healthy enough for a relationship or you're not. And sometimes the supporters have to make that decision themselves. It's up to you what you want in a relationship. PTSD sucks for everyone involved.... If I were you? I'd let him deal with his divorce and child custody right now. That alone is enough to push someone over the edge. Take the time to decide if this is what YOU want and can handle. Your feelings matter too!

 

[Pippi427]

I can usually tell when mine needs to isolate... he has "quirks"....

YES THIS. I knew he was due, too.

 

[Pippi427]

My bet is he has it in his head I will forgive him. I have always forgiven his spells of isolation. I've allowed it as an option in our relationship. It's just done got a little extra this time and it's got me worried I don't know what my part is. I like your advice @LuckiLee. It's not like I'm racing around trying to have a kid or get married any time soon. No, really. I'm not trying to force anything like that at all in my life. I guess I shouldn't be trying to force what he can't do on him either.