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Running Away And Starting A Fresh New Life

  • Post starter Post starter Didije
  • Start date Start date
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You are who you are no matter where you go. Having moved around my whole life, severing ties as I go, I know this to be true: You cannot get past your problems until you face them.
 
I think about this a lot as well, but I have a child and pets that need me. I am actually glad sometimes that I have these responsibilties because it protects me from myself.
 
YES! I have been thinking about this seriously for 2 years. Many times I have researched living in other parts of the country. I've checked out the cost of living, the climate, availability and cost of healthcare, and every other parameter I can think of. Maybe a few decades ago, it would have been possible. But now, with everything on computer, unless something destroys our whole electronics system, we are set in stone...or set in digital format. Even though I'm pretty sure it is impossible to disappear completely and start over as someone else, sometimes I would settle for just moving a few hundred miles away as me.

The only way to "disappear" it seems would be to marry or live with a partner and not have anything under my own name. No property, no driver's license, no credit cards, never use my Social Security card...but wait...that sounds like the abusive marriage that just about destroyed me a few years ago. There must be a way to find someone who would be willing to let me combine the money I have with hers, live with her, let her buy everything, use her library card, use her debit card, or credit card to buy stuff online or at places that do not ask for an ID, possibly lose a lot of weight, have my breast implants removed and dress like a man. Now, see -- I HAVE been thinking about this. Still, I think it would all catch up with me at some point. And I really don't want to disappear, I just want my family to leave me alone. **There are easier ways.** Like, just refuse to have anything to do with them.
 
I did it but then it didn't change anything mentally and I have less then I did before. In fact I feel quit alone.
 
I have found myself in the same position, repeatedly. I'm constantly doing research on the place(s) I'd run to, how much it'd cost, and how I'd get by. It all sounds so simple and easy, but I can't find the proper way to push myself.. I'm haunted by past memories, and I often beg for clarity and reason, or to be someone else.. Reoccurring thoughts are my folly.. I understand where you are coming from. I want to get away from this place.. I don't want to just up and leave my family without a "goodbye", however. I just need a fresh new start.
 
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I do not know if I am allowed to post here, since it's a pretty old topic.
But, I too feel like running away but I want to take it a step further: Change my first and last name. Cut off ALL ties with family, even the family members that had nothing to do with the abuses. Cut off ALL ties with friends that I've met irl, just keep the ones that I know I'll never meet face to face.


My husband refuses to let me change my name, he refuses to let me run away to another country and denounce my US citizenship. I know he thinks I'm running away from the problem, but I don't care. I honestly do believe that I'll be happier somewhere else, just not here. Oh if only he could get on board.... the only thing he sees eye to eye is the fact that he would not mind living abroad or retiring abroad... just no name changes and no family cut offs. *sighs*
 
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