Relationship Sabotage

[Rebecca12]

I just have a quick question. Is it normal for sufferers to sabotage their relationships? I recently separated from the sufferer, and I've been told by many people that sabotaging the relationships of people he's closest to is a part of PTSD.

I've completely cut ties with him because what he did is unforgiveable, but I am curious.

Thanks!

 

[amethist]

They sometimes do it because the stress of a relationship is just too much for them to deal with alongside their PTSD.

 

[mrsps]

I know with me at times I can pull away because "I don't think im good enough" :(

 

[Rebecca12]

@mrsps That's what he says to me all the time, but this is the first he's done something that he knew would push me away. We've gone back and forth for months, and I've always fought for him. This time his actions sabotaged the relationship and not just his words. He knows what he did was wrong, but he did it on purpose so it would hurt me enough to go away. For someone who's supposed to love you it hurts that he'd do the one thing in the world that would rip me apart.

I'm mad and bitter which is not who I want to be at 24. I just want to go back to being myself again.

 

[GWhizz]

I would say that I do things to push people away and sabotage relationships and I put a lot of it down to PTSD. Though doing something that you know will rip someone apart, thinking it will truly end things, is unacceptable and he cannot blame it on the PTSD. I only ever do small things to shut out say, my partner or my therapist, but I would never do anything to really hurt them. If I really wanted to push them away fully, I would walk away from it. I don't think he can say he couldn't help push you away because of his PTSD, but that now he wants you back. Because we do things we know will push someone away but not something we know is unforgivable unless we really want to be alone. Either he wants to be alone or he's using his diagnosis as an excuse in my harsh opinion. Just my take on it. Yes I do sabotage relationships but I do not intentionally set out to hurt anyone

 

[Rebecca12]

And it continues...He refuses to return my things now after I've returned his. The only way I'll get them back is if I go to his house while he's there, tonight. A mutual best friend of ours has talked with him and said to me that I need to sit down and give him a chance to explain, but I'm curious about what he said to her to make her do a complete 180. She's the one who told me about what he did, and said that I needed to do what was best for me and not let him take control. What made her change her mind?

Ugh, I just want him to disappear so that I can have a chance to build up my walls again.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm, go get your damn stuff, pretend to listen to his crap, and then walk out the door forever. I somehow don't see a problem here other than you are letting him call the shots....Then again, every supporter who comes here in a state of "What do I do!?!?!" always lets the sufferer call the shots in the relationship. Why, I don't know.....

 

[Sighs]

My mother (who is a clinical psychologist and has been in a relationship with my combat PTSD father for over 50 years) says the healthier partner always has to sacrifice more. She never really explained it but I think she means that the sufferer is not capable of making allowances so you either accept that you have to do it or you get to a point where you decide you don't want to / can't do it anymore and you leave.

@Rebecca12 - if you have reached your personal limit of what you can tolerate from him then you need to leave. No explanation or excuse will change what he did.

 

[shimmerz]

I am sorry, but sufferers are not all the same just as supporters are not all the same. I don't normally get ticked off but I tell you, painting any group with the same brush is wrong. Yes there are normalities within a group, like 'most people have a job'. What their job is may vary widely. Most people with PTSD have attachment disorders but some are clingy, some push away, some make incredibly good spouses for the right person. People with PTSD also have characteristics that are all theirs above and beyond PTSD. Some are highly moral and others are sleazes. Some are great workers but cannot work and others are crappy workers and wouldn't work even if they could. Some have red hair and some have blonde hair.

and I've been told by many people that sabotaging the relationships of people he's closest to is a part of PTSD.

Good people can have PTSD and be very great spouses and friends while other people can be absolute jerks and make very bad spouses. I don't know what this has to do to help the image of PTSD affected people besides add a 'pain in the a**' label to each and every one of us. Arrrrrggggghhhhh! Believe it or not, I am a good person. I am not defined by my PTSD but instead the character that I worked on building each and every day of my life to not hurt others, to be friendly, caring, selfless, sometimes not brilliant, sometimes brilliant. I am NOT PTSD. I am Shimmerz. I worked HARD to be Shimmerz. Please see her and not just the PTSD.

Sorry for the rant. Ban me if you must. I am just so fed up with generalizations with PTSD.