How Not To Sabotage Something Good

[OceanSpray]

I’ve met someone and he is one of the best humans I’ve ever encountered. He is this incredible person and I just know I’m going to f*ck this up.

We’ve been talking about a month and a half or so and we are taking it slow and cautious because of course we’ve both had our share of trauma and terrible partners.

But it doesn’t seem to matter how many little wonderful things (and big) that he does- my brain still tells me he would drop me for his ex in a heartbeat/I’m second best/I’m a stand in until someone better comes along/blah blah blah. Which makes me pull back automatically and I need to stop. I need to give this a real shot and not completely sabotage it. But I don’t know how.


Any advice for entering the first healthy relationship after all the shit you’ve been through?

 

[parrotthepolly]

It's one of the most common cognitive distortions of imagining people leaving you even though it's highly unlikely. Just remember that and if you're really in love, you would know and give it a go.

 

[arfie]

personally, i have no desire for a personal relationship i have to handle with kid gloves. if you can't handle my truths, keep your mask on and increase your social distance, please. for anyone closer than a banker or store clerk, i want to be fully and completely myself, scars and all, with ample room for the respectful honesty to flow both ways.

but that is me and every case is unique. relationships are exponentially more unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you.

 

[Sideways]

my brain still tells me he would drop me for his ex in a heartbeat/I’m second best/I’m a stand in until someone better comes along/blah blah blah. Which makes me pull back automatically and I need to stop.

What else could you do when you notice these thoughts returning?

I personally found ACT and thought diffusion incredibly helpful for strategies with getting on with my life despite persistent intrusive thoughts about suicide. Might be something that could help here as well with a little practice?