Safe Alternatives To Self Harm

[HëllaBubz]

Thanks Maddog, that really helps.

I did manage to talk to my partner a little bit last night, so I feel a little bit better.
The funny thing is that the chair leg is either cold, or hard, or smooth or something.....that guy was.....nothing.....just a pile of :poop: that sat there.

I found something to focus on today, one of my cats, Meeka, tried to jump up on window sill in kitchen......it looks like the white kitten attacked him halfway, so I got woken this morning at 6:00 to the sound of breaking plates.

Walk out of my bedroom, and the little white job is sitting there like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, but the black cat was halfway down the stairs looking extremely guilty and ashamed.
He's such a gentleman, the black one, I raised him from 4 weeks old as he was dumped, he used to shower with me when he got the cat flu, and slept with me during the day after nightshifts.....:inlove:

I'm feeling a little better now, thanks for your message (((Maddog)))

 

[freakofnurture]

I'd have a little more strength to resist if I could believe the urge to harm myself is coming from outside my own mind.

That's actually partly true:

The urge to self-harm and the self-hatred are not your feelings, but your abusers' feelings that you have internalised. So when you self-harm, you continue the abuse, you play your abusers' game motivated by your abusers' feelings.

This realisation was the only thing that ever actually helped me to reduce my self-harm; nothing else ever worked, no ice cubes, no rubber bands, no ripped phone books, no distraction. Eventually I would do it, mostly when I least expected it and wasn't even feeling down, and the longer I had been putting it off, the worse the blood bath would be.

But seeing that the hatred wasn't my own enabled me to redirect that feeling and the urge to do harm at the people who actually deserve it. It enabled me to feel self-compassion instead of that self-hatred.

I still self-harm(ed), but rarely and not nearly as excessive and it's not an inevitability anymore.

 

[renee-des]

I'm not sure what kind of self-harm you have done. If you're like me, it is cutting. Sometimes using the reverse end of a knife and red food coloring works for me. Just dip the end of the knife in the food coloring and act as if you're cutting yourself. Sometimes seeing the knife is a bit too tempting so you might want to use something else. Other times it isn't about seeing the blood that makes you feel better. It's about the pain. The want to forget about the emotional pain and focus on the outer pain and for just a moment to forget about it all. In that case I would use a rubberband to snap your wrists with. Ice works insanely well also. It hurts horribly. Just stick your hands in a bucket of ice and keep it there until you're done.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Maybe they help more people? .

I have 2 dogs and they help with my fear, nightmares and cutting. I feel safe with them.

 

[zombie squirrel]

I used to cut/burn a lot, mostly when I was angry at myself or felt like a failure. One thing that has worked really well for me when I get the urge to self-harm is "smoking" myself. I do an exercise like push-ups or mountain climbers until I feel like I physically can't do it anymore, then I switch to another exercise. I do that for about 15 or 20 minutes. It helps a lot (definitely when I'm really angry, but also when I'm sad/numb) because I feel pain in my muscles and fulfill my desire to punish myself, but it doesn't leave a mark or scar that I'll have to explain or cover up. Also, when I'm done I get that awesome rush of endorphins, which makes me feel better :) .

Another thing that has helps me when I want to cut or burn to punish myself is taking a freezing cold shower. Beforehand i have all these negative thoughts about how I'm worthless or that I'm a wh*re, but once that water hits me the only thing I can think about is how cold it is. I guess it kind of snaps me back to reality, where I can make more logical decisions.

I know these aren't the healthiest coping tools (they could still be considered self-injury in a way), but they've really helped me stop myself from doing more harmful things like cutting or burning during a strong urge. Once I've beat the initial desire to hurt myself, I try to do "soothing, nice" things, like listen to relaxing music, pet my dogs, or eat a piece of chocolate. If I really don't feel "worthy" of those things yet, I clean my apartment or the area I'm living in at the time. Then I make a list of things that I "have to" do for the rest of the day, so that I'm busy and have less of a chance of ruminating and getting miserable again.

Getting urges like this or getting to the point where you feel like you need to hurt yourself really sucks. I hope that maybe this helps someone cope with it better, because I know it helped me tremendously.

 

[piratelady]

Zombie, your strategies sound like they could be really helpful. I will have to try them next time :)

 

[Hashi]

"urge surfing": http://www.mindfulness.org.au/URGE SURFING.htm
It is used not only for substance abuse but is useful for any self harming behavior.

This link is so interesting, and so helpful. I came to this thread because I'm trying to work out my attitude to drinking, which I see as a form of self-harm.

Last week I successfully got through an urge and wasn't even sure how I did it. Reading this has clarified it for me, because now I realise I allowed myself to really go into the pain of the urge. I'm not sure it was mindfulness as described here, but it was focussing on the urge with some compassion for myself - what I did was write a long, wailing "letter" (in my journal, not to send) to my T about it.

Distraction, less harmful alternatives and fighting the urges can help a bit, but I have to say that this helped much more and felt more lasting. I agree with the article, fighting it for me is a form of feeding it. And fighting it seems to have the same effect as the yowling cats described here - it might send the urge away for a while, temporarily dealt with, but it will only come back again later with all its friends.

Thank you, Albatross. I know you posted this a while ago but I'm glad you did.

 

[bethinhfx]

I think there has been a lot of good advice here. What a great site where people who are really struggling can share good and practical advice with each other!

 

[nimkekaa]

I have tried breaking things but I put them in a ziploc baggie first for easy clean up. It worked a little. I have tried squeezing an ice cube which can give you a little pain and relief without damaging like a knife. I find yelling helps (I was silenced a lot). The things that work best for me are telling my husband and burning things in a fire.

Sometimes my husband will try and come up with ways to help me and usually I end up laughing at the stupidity of our conversation of trying to find ways for me to hurt myself but not too much. It's also less scary for him if he realizes I am at that point instead of just finding out afterward.

As for the burning I like to write letters or draw pictures and burn them symbolically. I burnt a picture of my dad once and it was very calming. You can even burn a letter or picture in a pot in the sink. Lots of water if needed is an added bonus. It doesn't take a lot of flames and is done quickly but has a symbolic and calming affect for me.