Scapegoating In The Family And Its Consequence.

[ms spock]

I think the emotional abuse we are subjected to as children by parents, can be some of the most damaging of all. It changes us at core level and sets us up for a lifetime of guilt and taking the blame and shame for things that are not ours to hold.

I was physically and sexually abused. I was tortured in many ways. I had hot water poured on me and forks stuck into me and so on and so forth but the emotional abandonment is what I find so hard to deal with. I feel so not good enough. I feel like I have to try harder than anyone else.

 

[ms spock]

My parents blamed me for my sister being molested by my fathers 'friend'. It had been going on to me for 3 years and I was too scared to tell my parents. When I found out it was also happening to my sister I told them, and they blamed me for not saying earlier as it would have prevented my sister being hurt...That level of emotionally destructive abuse is lifechanging... it feels like the ultimate act of a parent making their child a scapegoat.

It is the ultimate act of a parent making their child a scapegoat Shellbell. It is an appalling thing to do you - make you to blame about your sister's sexual abuse rather than comfort you about what you had been through.

 

[ms spock]

I was the oldest too. The little adult.

Me too!

 

[Shellbell]

It is the ultimate act of a parent making their child a scapegoat. It is an appalling thing to do you - make you to blame about your sister's sexual abuse rather than comfort you about what you had been through.

Thank you Ms Spock for validating that. It was one of the main reasons I tried to end my life as a teenager, I hated myself for letting my sister down. Then when I ended up in hospital due the suicide attempt, my parents were annoyed and labelled me a drama queen.

One of my recurring nightmares is about finding my sister being abused, and in the nightmare I am then running around the house screaming trying to find a gun to kill him. That part didn't happen, but my T said that part is about trying to find resolution for what happened.

Both my parents have caused considerable psychological damage. There have been many more examples of how they failed to provide comfort for trauma's I've been through.

And many examples of how they blamed me for everything that went wrong in their lives.

 

[Philippa]

Thank you Ms Spock for validating that. It was one of the main reasons I tried to end my life as a teenager, I hated myself for letting my sister down. Then when I ended up in hospital due the suicide attempt, my parents were annoyed and labelled me a drama queen.

Your parents are dicks! Totally uncaring, appalling dickheads. That's just so shameful I don't even know what to say about it. I feel for you Shellbell, and I know what it's like to receive no comfort at times like this when you need it the most.

Both my parents have caused considerable psychological damage. There have been many more examples of how they failed to provide comfort for trauma's I've been through.

They've failed in more ways than just that.

 

[ms spock]

Thank you Ms Spock for validating that. It was one of the main reasons I tried to end my life as a teenager, I hated myself for letting my sister down. Then when I ended up in hospital due the suicide attempt, my parents were annoyed and labelled me a drama queen.

That is an appalling thing for your parents to do for you.

That is truly crazymaking stuff. First, instead of protecting you, supporting you and comforting you about the sexual abuse that you experienced - your parents blame you about your sister's sexual abuse. I, too, feel guilty about the sexual abuse of my siblings. It is part of the incest/sexual abuse dynamic to blame the victims.

Then on top of all the lack of protection and all the lack of care and neglect implicit with that, then never comforting you but instead blaming you about your sister's sexual abuse - if they were appropropriate parents they would have felt bad about not protecting you properly - you got none of the appropriate parenting love and care.

They mess with your head again - after blaming you for not protecting your little sister! And call you a drama queen. Totally disgusting! Gosh you never had much of a chance, did you?

No wonder you tried to kill yourself with all the crazymaking, mind games, lack of decent parenting and inappropriate blame and trying to get you to take responsibility for your sister's sexual abuse.

*shakes head in disgust*

 

[ms spock]

Your parents are dicks! Totally uncaring, appalling dickheads. That's just so shameful I don't even know what to say about it. I feel for you Shellbell, and I know what it's like to receive no comfort at times like this when you need it the most.

I feel that this is an appropriate response. It is totally uncaring and appalling. It is shameful. I also know what it is like to receive no comfort at times like this when you need it the most.

They've failed in more ways than just that.

They failed, as humans, at a basic level.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Philippa and Ms Spock. Yes, they did fail in many more ways, in fact in nearly every way possible.

And the sad thing is, I kept on going back for more, trying to buy their love, giving them money etc all through my 20's, allowing them to blame and shame me over and over, but desperate for any tiny bit of affection I may finally receive and never did. They just continued their abuse and I didn't couldn't face the reality of all this until very recently at 41. It's very painful.

I feel so much for you Philippa and Ms Spock and everyone who has bad or terrible parents.

:hug:

 

[ms spock]

Both my parents have caused considerable psychological damage. There have been many more examples of how they failed to provide comfort for trauma's I've been through.

At a most basic level, even as human beings, have they failed. That is for sure.

 

[Philippa]

I'm sending you soothing, amethyst vibes shellbell. I'm upset for you and what you've been through with your so-called "parents", and it's also triggered memories for me, so I'm upset right now.:hug:

 

[Philippa]

And reading about what your parents did to you Ms Spock, is also profoundly upsetting. Have some amethyst soothing vibes too.:hug:

I'd like to stick a fork in them.

 

[Shellbell]

Big hugs ((((Philippa)))). I'm sorry my stuff triggered you. I hope you are okay?