Scapegoating In The Family And Its Consequence.

[Philippa]

I began to live my own life. But my dad still had his hooks in me through letters. He wanted me to do stuff for him. It was like that until I got into therapy. He wrote me a letter and said for me to find the hooks he and my mom had put in us. As if he was proud. He was a very sick and disturbed individual.

It's particularly nasty because, on an energetic level, there have been hooks put in you...sucking you dry. To be aware of doing that is some serious nastiness. Most people who put hooks in us aren't aware of it...they are just using coping mechanisms they learned before they new any better...but he KNEW it.

You can remove these hooks by the way, either on your own, or with the help of people who are trained in doing this...and I would suggest that every survivor of abuse of any kind look into learning how to. I know at least one woman who does this for a profession and you can make a booking with her via Skype. She is very good. Her name is anna conlan...but you would have to be open to new agey type of stuff to try her out.

In the state, the person to see would be Rose Rosetree (funny name I know). She has a website you can look up, as does anna.

 

[Philippa]

I have so much I want to say to everyone but maybe dont have the time now. So a group hug in the meantime to everyone for what they have gone through. :hug::inlove: Honestly, why is it considered so politically incorrect to say that people should be evaluated and licensed before they are allowed children. You need to do that with dogs. But then some of you are adopted. So that doesnt seem to solve it either!

I fully agree with this. There needs to be some sort of regulation and a license to have kids.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Abstract. He was proud and smug. He knew what he was doing. I do not know if my mom knew what she was doing all of the time. But when she tried to toughen me up she knew what she was doing. I think that is what makes it so hard to heal.

They knew what they were doing and did it anyway. I would never treat my kids that way.

 

[Philippa]

In her warped mind she believed she was 'helping' you.

 

[Shellbell]

(((((Gizmo)))))).

I think you are nothing like the rest of your family Gizmo. You never deserved such cruelty in any way and it sickens me that you and so many of us have gone through such damaging and horrendous abuse at the hands of our 'parents'.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I know. Warped mind pretty much tells it all. Not accepting me as I was was what I got. Now I get to untangle all of the knotted threads and no answers. Warped mind is so right. It helps me to see her in a new light. She could form my brother into her own image and he was her favorite. He could do no wrong in her eyes. She said he was hers. Kinda of emotional incest. She used to wear sheer nightgowns in the house. My dad sat around in his underwear. It was really sick.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Shellbell. I am not like my family. I can take comfort in that. That meant alot to me you saying that to me.

 

[Philippa]

She could form my brother into her own image and he was her favorite. He could do no wrong in her eyes. She said he was hers. Kinda of emotional incest. She used to wear sheer nightgowns in the house. My dad sat around in his underwear. It was really sick.

That's really ...yuck. And yes, emotional incest are the words that spring to mind. Using him to meet her needs. Totally inappropriate and sick.

 

[circe47]

That's really ...yuck. And yes, emotional incest are the words that spring to mind. Using him to meet her needs. Totally inappropriate and sick.

My mother is like this too, with my younger brother. She never dresses or behaves seductively, but does try to use him to meet her emotional needs. He is almost thirty years old. When he was looking to buy a house, she would say things like "WE liked the kitchen in that house" or "WE thought that house had a nice yard." She speaks of their relationship in terms of WE....like they are a couple. Every single conversation we have is spent 80% her talking about my brother, 15% medical complaints about her, and 5% about what's happening in my world. And she wonders why I don't answer my phone, or call her more often.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am amazed at how rampant this sort of thing is. How many families have done this to their children. Emotional incest is a very big deal. My parents were really sick and crazymaking and high drama. I survived it all. I survivied the best out of all of us. I am not like any of them.

The real mirical is that I came out of it so differnent. That is the miracle. I must have made a decision early on that I would not like to be like them.

Intersperse that with some good times and it is makes it very confusing to sort through.

circe47. I am sorry you had to go through that experience. It messes up all of the kids. The kids that get favored and recreated into the parents image do not have their own identity.

All I can say is that somehow miraculously we survived and seek to thrive. We are still sortin thorugh all of the garbage layed up on us. It is in the gettig free of the slaverys and the bondages that we reclaim ourselves. Hugs to you if you accetpt them

 

[Philippa]

My father does it with me...and my mother in a way. When he took me to europe he even called me by my mother's name at one stage, which was very creepy.

They both come to me when they need their emotional needs met, but have no clue how to meet mine. My mother likes to become the child, or she did at one stage, and makes me the mother...but SHE'S my mother, not the other way around. She seems to remember who the mother is when I do something they consider to be defiant though, and quickly switches back to her given role??

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My mother made me the mother too. And she was the child only she had all of the power and control. When we would talk she would complain about her problems. Which I did not understand but it was normal for me. She began to talk about this poor man Ed and I did not know what she talked about.

When she finally abandoned me she moved in with this man Ed. I hated her for leaving me with my dad. I helped my dad get custody of the kids because I was so angry at her. She would have been the better parent. But I was so angry at her. My dad manipulated me into making a deposition against her because I was eighteen years old. I am sorry to this day.