Second dose of edmr having extreme side effects...

[joe222]

Ok so to sum it up quickly:

Trauma happened almost three years ago publicly at work. Had to stay at job and I quit this year in January. I started getting MORE therapy after I left, and I did my first session of EDMR a few months ago. It SIGNIFICANTLY helped, I focused on the event in a positive light and so on, like you do and reinforced the statement I wanted. All good and I started feeling a lot better, as time went on but I still felt like I should do it a couple more times (the EDMR) to fully process the memory.

So for different reasons it's a couple of months until I do the next one, which was 4 weeks ago. I go in and say I want to do it again, so she says lets do something different. So we do it, she asks what i'm seeing, and it was different to last time and she says this is normal. This time, it focuses on the negative statement, it's the opposite of the last time? So we do it, I go home, and a few days later I have the worst depression I have had in forever. The following are the side effects I still have since the last session:

-Waking up an hour or two early and unable to go back to sleep/waking up constantly through the night.
-Anxiety
-Feeling like i'm at just after the event
-Rage
-Sort of numb
-Wanting Revenge
-Seeing memories I had previously forgotten

I went back to them last week, and they said that the reason we focused on the negative side during EDMR that time was because I felt like the issue needed to be re addressed, but I meant in the sense of reinforcing the positive again so that confused me? She said that the fact I am feeling such drastic changes is GOOD, because it shows processing etc.

But i'm scared to be honest. I'm terrified because before I did this last session of EDMR I felt SO HAPPY, I was doing so well and now I feel so much worse. Far worse. I just need someone, anyone, to help me. The trauma was still there but no where near the scale it is now, and I know you experience side effects just after/maybe a couple of weeks at most, is this normal? It's never been this bad, throughout all of this (especially for the last two years +) it has never been so bad that I have been unable to sleep and I feel like I have gone backwards but I don't see how that's possible. She says it FEELS like I have, like i'm in the trauma etc because your body holds memories but i'm sort of wondering why these memories aren't going anywhere. The RAGE I felt, and still feel buried, is so bright and I just need to know if this will stop.

Can someone please tell me if this is normal, when I email her I get told I can speak to her at the next session (it's in four weeks) and I just don't know guys. Thanks for anyone that can help me.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's normal in that trauma therapy almost always makes symptoms increase at some point as we are re-visiting the trauma as we process it.

 

[joe222]

Right, so would you agree that this is indeed better then/I am showing signs of improvement? It's just because it's been over four weeks, I wasn't sure. She said to me there's usually a few weeks break because of the reaction to the treatment, and like I say this feels far more extreme. If this is indeed because it's processing a lot more, I am willing to suffer through it but as I say the contrast between last time and this time is very alarming to me.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't say if this is improvement for sure, but I do want to assure you that symptoms getting worse is very common, after which things start to calm down again and overall improvement can be seen. I don't want to comment in too much depth as I don't know your exact situation....I just want to assure you that an increase in symptoms is very common once someone starts processing their trauma.

 

[Crystal Rose]

Ok so to sum it up quickly:

Trauma happened almost three years ago publicly at work. Had to stay at job...

I feel like what you are describing was a similar experience to mine. I guess I felt like experiencing all you have described as my normal last year. You are doing some very important work for yourself by addressing these hard moments. I did EMDR for a few months to really try and gain back some personal strength before I moved back in with family and am now working with a therapist who is focusing on helping with with integration. I wonder if you can ask your current therapist if they can work in various approaches into your sessions to bring you grounding techniques or help you guide the tense energy you feel and find ways to release it. If it makes you feel any better, I am dealing with being blindsided by depression this week that I thought had lifted, and I've had super interrupted sleep lately probably because I'm uncovering what my trigger me. It's a journey and I hope you can find some peace and beauty to help get you through to your next session.

whoops! please forgive my typos. it's been a day.

 

[zoie33]

What you are experiencing is totally normal. That is the way EMDR works. It seems to me that you're therapist did not do EMDR correctly the first time. Everything I have read about EMDR protocol and in my personal experience with it, is that you're supposed to work through the trauma memories first. Once you've processed all the trauma memories then they work on integrating the positive thoughts at the end. It sounds like your therapists kind of worked backwards. You will never be totally free of the trauma or the negative feelings that come with it until you work through what you're working through now. Once you process through all the trauma my specialist says it can take up to 12 sessions to process through one trauma, then they start doing the positive thoughts at the end. Good luck to you I know it is not easy. I have not reached the point of positive thoughts in any of my EMDR sessions yet but my therapist said that for me it's more difficult because I have multiple traumas and I also dissociate so it's even worse.

 

[Leighlee87]

It's completely normal. It gets way worse before it gets better. I know when I got too overwhelmed by everything, I'd ask my therapist if we could take a session to work on grounding exercises or practice reducing anxiety. It usually helped me to take the break even though she wanted to push through.

 

[joe222]

I can't say if this is improvement for sure, but I do want to assure you that symptoms getting wo...

Thank you, that makes me feel a lot better. I came home from work feeling better (still angry) but yeah, I'd rather something than nothing.

What you are experiencing is totally normal. That is the way EMDR works. It seems to me that you're ther...

Thank you, you were very helpful!

 

[Deleted member 41765]

This has been my experience as well and, although it is difficult (or feeling horrible) it is a part of the process. I am concerned that you presently don't have access to your therapist. Four weeks seems like a *long* time. My therapist actually makes herself MORE available following intense emdr sessions, email and phone calls, to help me cope with fallout. I'm glad you're here and reaching out!!!

 

[joe222]

Thank you! I know this is 9 days later but I am still suffering negative side effects. I go up and down, and this has actually put me off going back. I left my last session assured these effects would pass; They haven't, and although I may have improved in ways I am unaware of, all I find myself doing is partly wishing for a fight from years ago, to wanting to move on as far away as possible. I wonder if people could examine what happened to me and tell me if this is normal?

Second session:

Calming down. Breathing etc.

Focus on the event. Descriptions etc. How you feel, and so on. What's happening, what happens after you focus on the statement, this time it was a negative statement, not a positive like last time. When I did this, the scene shifted, I flitted through a couple of memories and then it was pretty much over. Came out of it, she did the finger movements, said what happened was good, etc.

Like I said after I had no contact, even when I emailed distressed I was told to wait. I am pretty much under the assumption she expects me to stop after this upcoming session as it as a 'catch up' session to see how I am doing (and is also 5 weeks after my most recent one where we talked as I asked about time to think about it) yet as I said before I had no contact via email. I am improving from what I was, but I feel I came out of it worse than when I went in. I went in because I had a nagging feeling I had to do it again, to be sure? Instead we focused a negative statement, and she justified this by saying we had done it because I felt like it needed doing again but I meant doing it the same as last time, not like this? Again she said the reaction was good, it showed progress etc but I feel like it's a cross between a step back and a step forward.

As I say it's put me off going back. I said I was nervous about stopping but she said it's normal due to the length of the therapy. Can anyone advise me, if this is at all normal? Like, this negative statement was not even changed during this round of EDMR. There was no changing it, to be honest I am having trouble remembering parts of it (I know it was 2 months but still). In the first session it was taking the negative statement and changing to the positive one. This one didn't do that. I just don't understand.

 

[joe222]

Having said that, I am not sure if I DID have a positive statement brought up, and if I did I can't remember what it was...

 

[zoie33]

I assure you what you're experiencing is totally normal. I have been doing EMDR on and off for almost six months now. We have changed the topics of what I'm working on for various reasons but I have never gotten to the positive statements yet. I will tell you that I think we almost reached the point on my car accident where we would have started working on positive statements within a few more sessions but we stopped that to work on more pressing issues that were giving me flashbacks at the time. I have a lot of trauma I dissociate a lot and it just takes time. My therapist said that for one single trauma It generally takes about 12 sessions to completely process. You may ask your therapist to spend more time teaching you grounding exercises and coping exercises before you do any more EMDR they should have done that before you started. You may try going back more frequently so you can work through the process faster. I usually do EMDR one day a week and the next day that I go in the same week we discuss any after effects, issues or new memories and such that come up. We will work pn grounding techniques so I can deal with those feelings between sessions. Like I said earlier I've never heard of starting with a positive memory unless that was just a little introduction to let you know how EMDR kind of works but usually you have to work through your bad memories first. Once all of those are processed then you start working in the good saying. But yes you're experiencing things that are totally normal and EMDR does get worse before it gets better if you have experienced a lot of trauma. It's going to bring out a lot of old memories usually from childhood because that's where all of your bad thoughts as an adult stem from.

Good luck to you I have heard many good things and people that stick it out I'm sticking it out I have probably a hundred traumas to work through and dissociation does not make it any easier. Luckily I do have a great therapist though that is changing his techniques as different stuff comes up with me. My last session I must admit was the first time that I actually left feeling better than when I came in. Two of my alters joined in one of my memories and we beat up on one of my abusers during EMDR. This I guess was considered great progress so things may be starting to look up for me.