Self Compassion Challenge For Those With Illness, Complex Trauma And Child Abuse

[ms spock]

I added you @ghotiff. :D

 

[Zef]

Walks into thread feeling very unsure, and sort of guilty. Fears that self compassion will lead to selfishness and ego issues.

This is my initial reaction, too. But, I recognize, in myself at least, that this is all or nothing thinking. Self-compassion is probably on the same continuum as selfishness, so the trick is finding a good place where they balance. It sounds like we are both so far at one end of the sprectum that taking some baby steps toward the middle probably is going to be a net positive thing.

Hope this helps a bit

 

[ms spock]

Self-compassion is probably on the same continuum as selfishness, so the trick is finding a good place where they balance. It sounds like we are both so far at one end of the sprectum that taking some baby steps toward the middle probably is going to be a net positive thing.

The research says differently but seeing as this is such a big issue for so many people, it is worth discussing.

 

[Zef]

The research says differently but seeing as this is such a big issue for so many people, it is worth dis...

Appreciate your post and agree. My post was probably not accurate, but my brain does connect the two concepts in a way that lends itself to condemning self-compassion. . .so that is definitely worth further discussion if other people have the same thought patterns.

Thank You

 

[KwanYingirl]

I usually crawl into a corner and observe in silence. I'd like to take a leap of faith and join too.

 

[ms spock]

http://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/
This has the three steps written out for you to read. Instead of the word "suffering" it has been suggested that "struggle" works for some people better.

1. This is a moment of Struggle.

2. Struggle is a part of life.

3. How can I be kind to myself in this now?

I added you @KwanYingirl.

 

[ms spock]

...my brain does connect the two concepts in a way that lends itself to condemning self-compassion. . .so that is definitely worth further discussion if other people have the same thought patterns.

The research actually shows the opposite, people who practice self compassion ... don't go towards narcissism.

In fact it is self esteem that has been documented by the research as leading to an increase of narcissism, so much so that in American schools it is being phased out. Kristin Neff talks about self compassion vs self esteem in some of her youtube videos and her TX talk as well.

I haven't begun reading all her research as of yet, it is a goal, but if you are interested @Zef here is a list of her research publications to start off with.

http://self-compassion.org/the-research/

 

[Saria]

Regarding self-compassion and selfishness @Fadeaway @Zef @Ms Spock

Childhood trauma survivors may also equate self-compassion with self-pity or self-centeredness. They may have been told as children to “get over yourself” when they suffered and complained. It is important to understand that by entering into our emotional pain with kindness, we are less likely to wallow in self-pity. The reason is that self-compassion recognizes the shared nature of human suffering and avoids egocentrism. Sometimes only a few minutes is all that is needed to validate our pain and disentangle ourselves from it.

Self-compassion is often confused with narcissistic self-love, although research indicates that there is no link between narcissism and self-compassion (Neff, 2003; Neff & Vonk, 2009). Narcissism is a reactive attempt to bolster our self-image when we fail (“I’m smart—it was just a stupid test!”), whereas self-compassion implies openness to failure, the ability to comfort ourselves, to assess the situation, and to work to improve it (Neff, Hseih, & Dejitthirat, 2005; Neff & McGeehee, 2010). Self-compassion is a healthy inner response to misfortune that makes us feel better, yet it is relatively independent of social evaluation—praise and blame, success and failure (Neff & Vonk, 2009). This is particularly important for trauma survivors who suffer from shame and wish to rebuild their shattered sense of self on a solid foundation.

From: http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Germer.Neff_.Trauma.pdf

 

[ms spock]

Thanks for that input @Saria.

 

[Aarow]

First guided meditation tonight. Also first time to attempt exercising (Classical Stretch) in quite some time. Three cups of high test coffee. Going to have to reconsider the coffee thing. Wow. Kind of feel like a grubby old toy with it's face scrubbed and set right side up. Much better than usual.

I am so grateful for this site. Thank you, everyone.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

Still thinking on this. Not sure which way to go. Yesterday was incredibly depressing. I got my share of the money for the house we used to live in and it is the first time I ever felt like burning a check with so many digits in it. The very last thing I want is that money. It is a reminder of everything bad that happened this year. Not at all sure how to deal with that. I need that money to live well but just how well can I live the way I am now? I constantly find ways to blame myself in this and they make sense too. There are just so many triggers it is impossible to deal with all of them and put them to rest.

 

[ms spock]

Good to read you @Ivan the Elder, keep on keeping on. It is hard to feel overwhelmed. You are not alone in that struggle to manage PTSD triggers, that is for sure!

http://self-compassion.org/

I did a Self Compassion Break for myself just now. I find that the physical gesture of calming and soothing quite helpful. Using my own words that are appropriate to the situation is quite helpful.

1.It is hard what I am going through.

2.This is part of the shared human experience. I am not alone. I am not abnormal. Many people struggle with PTSD and Complex Trauma.

3. May I be kind to myself in this now/moment. May I give myself the self compassion that I need right now. My whole self worth is not based on how well I do in my essay or on how I impress people. What I need from myself right now - is reassurance. I will be here for myself in this now, I will reassure myself. I will continue to do the things that make me well and aid in my recovery and healing. I will not judge myself for not being perfect. Complex Trauma - that is the having to be perfect thing. That was in the past, and not in this now. In this now I am safe.