Self Compassion Challenge For Those With Illness, Complex Trauma And Child Abuse

[Ivan the Elder]

I have also tried the calming gesture and it is surprisingly helpful. It is a simple thing I have done without thinking in the past sometimes when very upset by something. For me it is just a matter of crossing my arms in front of me with each hand on a shoulder and it feels nice and soothing. Then I can also lie my head a little to one side to support it against that wrist a bit. It works nicely and is what I will use purposely when I need it.

This seems like it may be a very useful method that I need so much right now. Thank you.

 

[ms spock]

You are very clever, in my mind, to have worked out your own physically soothing gesture @Ivan the Elder. I am impressed! It has taken me a few decades to even get that was a thing you could do for yourself.

 

[ms spock]

Self Compassion = Every reoccurring moment of struggle is just another opportunity for self healing and recovery.

I was always so down on myself for making the same mistakes over and over and over and over again. In Mindfulness they suggest that you actually greet these repetitions like they are old friends, as having come back to assist you in going deeper in your healing and by being with them you are going towards a deeper healing. So embracing them - it is a weird concept for me at this time as I have always disowned and shamed those parts of me. Now I am being just a little bit kinder.

Ironically I am so much less disordered.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

I have been thinking about the gesture I use. It also has a degree of protection in the way you cross your arms but it doesn't quite look like it as when you cross your arms low. I very much feel like protecting myself right now.

 

[Aarow]

Still thinking on this. Not sure which way to go. Yesterday was incredibly depressing. I got my s...

Ivan the Elder, I have written and erased three replies to your post. Right now I have checks from my mom's little house, for whom I was executor. They have been lying there for four months. For me it has been grief, anger, loss, GUILT, love, despair, denial, keeping me from taking them to the bank. But today I'm going to take them. If nothing else, my kids can sure use some money. As it is, they are just in my space, driving me a bit nuts.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

Right now I have checks from my mom's little house...

Aarow, you have just shown that none of us are alone in this mess. If I somehow accidentally helped you make a positive decision then I feel much better. It sure shows how this forum is worth existing and why it is a good place for us to vent and cry and just hope that somebody else understands our misery. It has certainly helped me and just knowing I am not alone in this very same sort of personal problem is helping me right now. Thank you for posting.

 

[Aarow]

Aarow, you have just shown that none of us are alone in this mess. If I somehow accidentally help...

You absolutely helped me, Ivan the Elder! I'm so glad you feel a little better! Just got home, $ is in the bank. I didn't realize how much angst those little rectangles of paper were causing me. I hope you don't burn your check, Ivan. I don't know what your circumstances are, but if you need that money...Anyway, you'll find the right answer. I totally agree with you about this forum, it has been miraculous for me. I'm not diagnosed yet, but it will be hard to leave if I don't have ptsd. You take care of yourself....thank you for the reply, it made my day!

 

[Ivan the Elder]

Don't be concerned about being diagnosed. I have a very good Forensic Psychiatrist who knows far more than most. He gets really upset very easily when somebody tries to tell him that person X doesn't quite fit the diagnosis for something so that person doesn't have it. His opinion is that if you are not doing well mentally for any reason it really doesn't matter what it is called, there is something that needs improvement in some way and it is his job to help you find that way. He is also one of the few that does not rely on drugs much at all. He says they are usually stop gap measures used to hide the problems, not help you fix them.

No, I won't burn it. It will go into the bank also. I will need it regardless of how I came by it. It was just such a very bad surprise when I actually was holding it in my hand. I had to nearly run out of the lawyers office as I was starting to cry.

 

[Aarow]

Don't be concerned about being diagnosed. I have a very good Forensic Psychiatrist who knows far...

I hope you find peace with your situation, Ivan. Today I'm just missing my mom...Despite all the dysfunction in my family we were close. I'll need the self-compassion discipline today. I had to shelf so much, and deal with pure craziness from the sibs when she died. Guess my time is now.

Your therapist sounds like a really good guy. I'll bet he HAS seen some things most of us don't want to think about. (Unfortunately some people on these boards have also had to think of the worst the world has to offer...)

 

[Ivan the Elder]

Your therapist sounds like a really good guy. I'll bet he HAS seen some things most of us don't want to think about.

Yep, my psychiatrist is a guy who has dealt with people like serial killers. I think he comes up to the town where I live as a kind of vacation from the truly bad people. It is really interesting how relaxed he is and how nice he is when dealing with what I see as truly nasty problems in my own past. What I think is bad is something that to him must seem like just minor issues but he always takes my problems very seriously. I have seen other psychs in the past dating back to when I was in my teens but I have never met one as quietly self assured as he is. He is also always ready to admit when he doesn't know the answer to something (almost never) and he is also very up to date on the medical side of things which is very unusual with most psychiatrists.

He is one of the people that they are now talking about needing so very much, in the "super speciality" they are calling neuropsychiatry. That is people that are good both in psychiatry and straight medical problems. For a very long time the doctors have tried to pretend that psychiatry is somehow totally separate from medicine with medicine being how to deal with actual damage in the brain.

It cannot be separated. When the brain is physically damaged it is bound to cause psychiatric problems too. The brain isn't somehow totally separated in two different forms of function. It all works together all the time and only knowing about just one side of it does not make it possible to fix all the possible problems. This is very much a problem in the case of strokes which have caused some of my problems. In particular, I no longer have much control over my emotions, especially my very negative emotions that make it so easy for me to cry so much. That was caused by a partial physical disconnection between the left and right side of my brain due to damage to the Corpus Callosum, the primary connection between the left and right hemisphere of the brain.

At least for some reason I don't know I never become truly angry. At some point in my distant past I somehow shut that off completely. That is a very good thing. I think it has to do with how I decided to deal with the abuse I suffered as a child. I could have become an abuser but instead at age 16 I vowed to myself to never hurt another person in any way ever. I have kept that vow. Unfortunately not everybody else has behaved in the same way with me.

I opened a new bank account and deposited the cheque. Now I cannot burn it. I wish I didn't feel this way.

 

[void]

What a WONDERFUL thread this has become...really grade A+ stuff people!!!:happy::happy::happy::happy:

 

[Aarow]

@Ivan the Elder I'm so sorry about how you are feeling right now, Ivan. I HATE being vulnerable in front of almost anyone, even those I love very much. I hope this challenge helps you bear what should have never been done to you. I hope you find this post. I was looking for your last post but couldn't find it? I am not so swift with computers....I hope you have a better day today! OH there you are! Right up there!