Self-harm - What Is So Wrong About It?

[MisterCatLady]

I was actually talking to my therapist about this topic this week. She said she sees mild cutting as better than a drinking binge. I was talking to someone else on this site who said that SH is merely surviving and ultimately we all want more than just survival. someone up top mentioned how it reinforces negative thought patterns and coping skills. I could not agree more with that statement. Someday I hope I can deal with more thoughts and feelings than not. I hope I can effectively soothe myself one day.

 

[joeylittle]

I hope I can effectively soothe myself one day.

If it helps...I can't self-soothe yet. Distraction can work just as well for me, in terms of avoiding self-harm. Some people can drink hot tea...I do a crossword puzzle. Whatever works in the moment, you know?

 

[Deadman]

Many cultures praise self harm.

Actually no. There are many cultures who have practices that can appear to outsiders as merely self harm. However its generally about something else entirely. Sometimes its about rites of passage, being recognized as an adult member of their society. Sometimes its about experiencing some sort of religious/spiritual transcendence. Sometimes its about testing courage. Sometimes its about identifying ones self as being a part of a particular group. They are not about temporary relief of emotional pain.

In most cases these practices are carried out in a carefully controlled setting that limits the possibility of permanent physical impairment. Even when this is not the case the activity is limited by religious or cultural norms.

Sitting alone in your room cutting or burning yourself in a vain attempt to deal with emotional pain is not praised in any culture that I am aware of.

 

[Heather]

When I cut myself as a teen and in my 20's. I didn't know why I would do it. When I cut I never felt it...even when cuts were so deep I needed stitches.

I would cut my face quite a bit. I'm assuming that was my way of crying out for help. I cut my face a lot and am lucky not to have any scars.

What made me stop was realizing I'd had enough scars on my arm...I would get stares and it was embarrassing. Another part feels like I found other ways to cope.

I will admit that I didn't stop until I was ready..and no matter what anyone said didn't make a bit of difference.

I haven't cut myself in 19 years.

 

[Punky143]

I'd rather feel physical pain then endure more psychological. Because, its familiar. I've cut for different ways. I too cut in my early teens and like someone mentioned above, even on my face. But guess what? No one noticed it. Then in my 20s I did it out of revenge. All the people I hate, screw you guys, look what you made me do? Now, getting closer to my 40s, I do it out of pure sadness. I've had a lot of trauma in 2 years which happened so fast I never had time to recover. These newer traumas have brought back all the old stuff some of which is locked tightly away. I'm working on it with my T but perhaps she should know its still happening. Its shameful actually. Because at this time, it's protecting the unit from giving into the darker parts who tell us its not worth fighting anymore. That's how SH works for the givin situation.

 

[Casey_03]

@Punky143 I don't think it's something you should beat yourself up over or be ashamed of. And I don't think anyone here feels that way at all. The way I see it, it's a sane reaction to insane stress/trauma/anxiety, etc. But it's still not healthy. I don't think you can ever stop just from having other people tell you to stop ... it doesn't work that way. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell your T.

My main point was just that it's not a harmless act and it's not true that there's nothing wrong with it. But I certainly don't judge you for doing it.

 

[Journeyman]

I know what others will say, been there. "If you really love yourself, you wouldn't do it." Or, "It's...

I'm glad you posted this; I want to learn. I understand it, but how does it help you? I've had some people say "it represents on the outside, what is going on in the inside", or "it helps control the pain on the inside", or "I am hurting myself, as the shame, or I'm top blame". But what would you say cutting does for you?

 

[joeylittle]

Now, getting closer to my 40s, I do it out of pure sadness. I've had a lot of trauma in 2 years which happened so fast I never had time to recover. These newer traumas have brought back all the old stuff some of which is locked tightly away. I'm working on it with my T but perhaps she should know its still happening.

I agree that sharing with your T is a really good idea. And you don't need to feel ashamed about it...but if it's tied to suicidal thinking, it is truly dangerous, when things feel so low and sad.

 

[Heather]

The other thing to be aware of is the severity of the cut. If its deep enough and no medical treatment is sought.

It opens you up to risk of infection and beyond.

 

[Sideways]

My main point was just that it's not a harmless act and it's not true that there's nothing wrong with it. But I certainly don't judge you for doing it.

This.

I think it's really helpful to distinguish the statement "this is harmful" from "I'm being judged". It took me a long time to get my head around the idea that people who were telling me, "this is harmful, you need to learn healthier ways to cope" weren't necessarily judging me. Actually, if I was prepared to talk to someone about my SH, I was usually really ashamed of it even though they might have had a pretty good understanding of what was going on for me.

When I look at whether or not it's okay? All I have to do is ask myself, "If someone I loved was doing that in order to cope, would that be okay?" If it's keeping them alive? That's one thing. But that doesn't make it "okay" - they deserve better.

Even if you can't say that about yourself, I can say it for you: You Deserve Better.

There's no shame. That does make it okay to treat yourself like that. You deserve better.

Just gently.

 

[Changing4Best]

I don't self harm in the traditional sense of the term, but I have attempted suicide with full intent to end it all. I was unconscious for 10 days in the hospital, then remanded to the mental ward, once I was out of danger physically.

When I woke in the H after the 10 days, a nurse came into the room and balled me out for trying to kill myself! Then I found out that my abusive boyfriend jump started my car by destroying the ignition. (Later on, I found out, if I wanted to start it I had to use a screw driver).

Anyway, I don't recommend suicide, because if you fail, everyone who knows you tried it will make your life miserable, especially the "Professionals" in the mental ward. And they won't release you until they are sure you won't harm yourself again. That can take awhile, a miserable while.

 

[Butterflies2023]

Cutting - wow that's a step that releases emotions. A lot of pain and confusion anger. Crazy craziness ... mental breakdown now averted. I certainly don't see it as seeking attention. Maybe saving yourself from a mental breakdown. Not the best answer but an immediate relief to pain swelling up and no outlet - no release. But with the right therapy. Years of talk therapy and committment to hard work and desire to understand and fight to be well - the confusion is lessened and there is greater understanding. The nonsensical past life with its abnormal behavior/relationships begins to make sense and the why's are answered. Retelling the story each time brings more clarity and less pain. Most importantly the cutting stops because there is no longer a need. Mentally healed you are left with the scars. That becomes a burden to healing but then you learn to accept that you are whole scars and all - battle wounds you survived. You are whole and healthy and learning to care for yourself - feed your emotional and spiritual and physical needs with healthy choices.